If you found the love of your life would you still want to ctb?

[Deleted member 4040]

KV passing through here

 

[Lunaemoth]

I still would. My reasons are not based on the lack of a romantic partner. Falling in love used to be the one thing I wanted, back when I still wanted anything from life but the end of it. Hasn't been that way in a long time.

Even if I found the love of my life, I would still hate myself, I still wouldn't be worthy of them, and I still wouldn't be able to function in a romantic relationship because I'm 26 and I've never has any romantic interaction with anyone, never even date or a kiss. The only time anyone has ever touched me was when I was raped at 18.

All that aside though, I would still hate myself and my life. At this point falling in love would only further destroy me. I've only got a couple more weeks left anyway.

 

[mki12518]

Yes. I think I am too broken for life. Nothing changes this for me. I would feel guilty for keeping them in a relationship with me while I struggle and inevitably lose the battle with depression.

 

[stargazer]

I would also say yes. I am too far gone and am getting so impatient now, I'm fearing I may just choose some irrational method.

 

[therhydler]

Just came here to say this same thing. It's (weirdly?) nice to know I'm in good company with all the broken hearts here.

I often think some of us are more sensitive... or the other way to look at it is just poor coping skills, I guess. Either way, some of us just don't "bounce back". We get sucked into the undertow of our own grief and just surrender to the flow.

Some people are much more resilient. I envy them. On the other hand, maybe the thing that makes me love so deeply and so passionately is the same thing that make me succumb to the pain so completely.

Whatever the reason, this pain is so overwhelming it just about eviscerates me every time I wake up and remember.

I love being able to feel understood here.

Yes...

 

[Louise]

I've got a long distance relationship with a guy less than half my age. He knows everything about me including my desire to ctb. We always said we'd still be close regardless if he or I was to find someone geographically nearer/of a more appropriate age. As time's gone on it's become even more serious though. He says to live for him. That he's not pro life, just pro me lol.

Reading other people's accounts of their broken hearts scares me a bit. I'm not sure I've ever had a proper love of my life before so I don't know what it's like when it ends. For now I'm inclined to stick around knowing that he's there for me. I don't embrace life, probably never will, but I can embrace him.

I hope I'm not being tactless posting this. I read the thread with interest.

 

[Amira]

Never

 

[Volatile]

It would just delay it

 

[Midnight]

Not too fond of the concept "love of your life" there's really no such thing. Especially with people who have mindsets like ours. It's just not feasible. Love in many cases as i've read here is not not nearly strong enough to "cure" what goes on in our minds.

Don't get me wrong i would very much enjoy being loved but love by itself does not fix everything that makes people depressed. Some people here i assume are being loved unconditionally yet still they die inside every day.

So no i don't see "love of your life" as a cure.

Again i've had love and i was very gratefull for it .. but tbh it's as fragile as it can be strong so yeah..

 

[Fyrinne]

Some people here i assume are being loved unconditionally yet still they die inside every day.

One, speak for yourself.

Two, anyone seeking unconditional love is looking for a lie. True, real love is conditional, and it should be. You should be loved for who you are, and people who love you should have expectations of you.

People who truly love you push you to be better. People who truly love you aren't just warm bodies projecting an idea at you, they're active participants in your happiness, and they have every right to expect the same from you.

You don't just get love, you give it, you share in it.

 

[Midnight]

One, speak for yourself.

Well i don't because i'm not in such a situation right now. Reason i said that is that on more than one occasion here i have read those exact statements of people who are loved dearly yet they still want to give up.

You can't say there aren't people (even here) that are loved unconditionally. That because of their mindset don't give nearly as much as they receive. Yet they still receive it. It happens ... That's why i brought it up. It's a suicide forum so obviously it's not all sunshine here.

Two, anyone seeking unconditional love is looking for a lie. True, real love is conditional, and it should be. You should be loved for who you are, and people who love you should have expectations of you.

People who truly love you push you to be better. People who truly love you aren't just warm bodies projecting an idea at you, they're active participants in your happiness, and they have every right to expect the same from you.

You don't just get love, you give it, you share in it.

Well to me what you describe is more or less a utopia if you combine it with "love of your life". I won't say it doesn't exist but i'm pretty sure that for alot of people here this is simply unobtainable from the situation they are in ... Factor in physical attraction and it gets even more difficult. That's why i'm not fond of the phrase "love of your life" and hence my reply.

"True love","unconditional love",love of your life" i'm not denying any of these exist. I'm just saying it's rare and especially here. And that i'm not so fond of said phrases.

 

[Sanguinius]

I think I've found him... And it doesn't change: I still want to fucking die.
It only hurts and made the decision harder...

 

[Mixk009]

The love of my life isn't loving me right now :(

 

[John Smith]

One, speak for yourself.

Two, anyone seeking unconditional love is looking for a lie. True, real love is conditional, and it should be. You should be loved for who you are, and people who love you should have expectations of you.

People who truly love you push you to be better. People who truly love you aren't just warm bodies projecting an idea at you, they're active participants in your happiness, and they have every right to expect the same from you.

You don't just get love, you give it, you share in it.

You can still love someone unconditionally and push them to be better.

 

[Jen Erik]

One, speak for yourself.

Two, anyone seeking unconditional love is looking for a lie. True, real love is conditional, and it should be. You should be loved for who you are, and people who love you should have expectations of you.

People who truly love you push you to be better. People who truly love you aren't just warm bodies projecting an idea at you, they're active participants in your happiness, and they have every right to expect the same from you.

You don't just get love, you give it, you share in it.

The irony of telling someone to speak for themselves and then in the next breath expressing wildly subjective generalizations about a subset of the human population.

 

[Suicideisnirvana]

If she accepts me with all my problems no i won't CTB. But then again that scenario seems to me akin to "if a genie that guaranteed you 3 vows appeared, would you still CTB", both have the same odds of happening : 0%.

 

[Suicideisnirvana]

One, speak for yourself.

Two, anyone seeking unconditional love is looking for a lie. True, real love is conditional, and it should be. You should be loved for who you are, and people who love you should have expectations of you.

People who truly love you push you to be better. People who truly love you aren't just warm bodies projecting an idea at you, they're active participants in your happiness, and they have every right to expect the same from you.

You don't just get love, you give it, you share in it.

What a load of bullcrap. Most people who are attractive are loved, while you make a good point by saying descriptively that inconditional love doesn't exist, you start talking crap when you want to add an aura of merit about love and talk about it in a prescriptive way, as if it something that one deserves by being suh a good person.

All the people that are physically attractive i know are loved, whether they have a good or awful personality, whether they fulfill expectations or deceive it all the time.

Love like everything in life is just a lotery. There is no "should be", no merit, deserving or undeserving of it. But you are right that unconditional love is a nonsensical concept.

 

[Fyrinne]

Most people who are attractive are loved...

Are they?

Maybe, but if they're loved because they're attractive, that's not any measure of love I want.

I have been able to garner quite a bit of love in my life, and not because I'm particularly attractive (and from people who had never seen what I looked like anyway). But the kind of love I'd live for is rare; that kind of love is a thing of beauty, and it is a thing you earn and fight for.

'Love' based primarily on 'attractiveness' is shallow and fleeting.

 

[Sick Boy]

If i ever found the love of my life,i Will probably ask her to help me to ctb via pills overdose or drugs O.D

 

[Suicideisnirvana]

Are they?

Maybe, but if they're loved because they're attractive, that's not any measure of love I want.

I have been able to garner quite a bit of love in my life, and not because I'm particularly attractive (and from people who had never seen what I looked like anyway). But the kind of love I'd live for is rare; that kind of love is a thing of beauty, and it is a thing you earn and fight for.

'Love' based primarily on 'attractiveness' is shallow and fleeting.

Yes they are.

Loved because they are attractive or not, they are loved.

And because of the halo effect, their beauty puts an aura on everything they do, they are judged as more intelligent, competent, cool and desirable. You have to remember that "personality" doesn't exist in a void, we don't have access to "tones" of personalities but only to acts and words that we interpret with charity or severity. People who are more atrractive get more indulgence, attention and sollicitude from others, and those who love them will often think that they love them for other things that their looks, because their words seem more sublime than they are and their personality more pleasant(confident/competent etc), plus when everybody gives you attention and treats you in a special way, you develop confidence, self-esteem, and social intelligence. And vice-versa. If everybody treats you like shit, or just ignores you and never considers you as a potential mate, well that treatment and the social isolation will often turns you into a resentful or depressed person, and then people can say "look, he's/she's lonely because he/she has a shitty personality/is a misogynist/a cunt/asocial etc, a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy that doesn't even make a correct assessment. Since the good-looking assholes males and females have no problem finding mates, even the violent and manipulative ones.

Everything is set up to benefit the good-looking in life, including lve.

 

[John Smith]

Yes they are.

Loved because they are attractive or not, they are loved.

And because of the halo effect, their beauty puts an aura on everything they do, they are judged as more intelligent, competent, cool and desirable. You have to remember that "personality" doesn't exist in a void, we don't have access to "tones" of personalities but only to acts and words that we interpret with charity or severity. People who are more atrractive get more indulgence, attention and sollicitude from others, and those who love them will often think that they love them for other things that their looks, because their words seem more sublime than they are and their personality more pleasant(confident/competent etc), plus when everybody gives you attention and treats you in a special way, you develop confidence, self-esteem, and social intelligence. And vice-versa. If everybody treats you like shit, or just ignores you and never considers you as a potential mate, well that treatment and the social isolation will often turns you into a resentful or depressed person, and then people can say "look, he's/she's lonely because he/she has a shitty personality/is a misogynist/a cunt/asocial etc, a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy that doesn't even make a correct assessment. Since the good-looking assholes males and females have no problem finding mates, even the violent and manipulative ones.

Everything is set up to benefit the good-looking in life, including lve.

Unfortunately you are pretty spot on. I've even seen some TV shows where they tested this out and the good looking people came out on top in every way despite everything being the same (resume, age, etc) or with the better looking ones having less attractive qualities (not answering interview questions very well, etc.) still coming out on top.

 

[Suicideisnirvana]

Unfortunately you are pretty spot on. I've even seen some TV shows where they tested this out and the good looking people came out on top in every way despite everything being the same (resume, age, etc) or with the better looking ones having less attractive qualities (not answering interview questions very well, etc.) still coming out on top.

Yeah, it's actually a well-referenced psychological effect that isn't even subject to debate anymore in the discipline.

If anyone doesn't believe me he can google "halo effect" and look for the peer-reviewed papers.

 

[Herbalpompano75]

She was the only thing keeping me alive and she cheated and acts like it's all a joke and she doesn't believe me when I tell her I'm going to kill myself

 

[GeorgeEastman]

I'd have probably already killed myself if I found it. It's a good thing I at least got to where I live alone. I can't live with people. I'd have ended up shooting us all probably.

 

[Final Escape]

Yes I would. What is love? Lol!

 

[lululoo]

I can't say for sure because I've never been in love but I think if I had that I would stick around a while longer.

 

[ImsooDone1N]

Interesting; it would be great to find the love of my life; or even just someone who mutually loves me but I don't think I'll ever have that chance again. I'm grateful for the experiences I've had. I guess I just don't feel deserving of it in general.

 

[stargazer]

I'll probably only meet her in the afterlife anyway. So no, nothing can stop my desire for CTB now. Nothing.
At least I won't have to worry about STD's/STI's or pregnancy...or germs! :)

 

[Nerdyartist85]

I have a love, but I still want to CTB...sometimes love isn't enough to keep going.

 

[OkTotti]

I have a love, but I still want to CTB...sometimes love isn't enough to keep going.

Reading up on Jessica Starr, the meteorologist from Detroit, who hanged herself last week. I know this is true. She had a husband and 2 kids but decided to CTB because of the suffering she had to endure from a botched Lasik eye surgery