Discussion Do you feel forced to live for your loved ones?

[dogemn]

I watched a Youtube video of a mother talking about losing her son to suicide, and it was the most disturbing video I've ever seen. The grief she described honestly seemed worse than torture, and years later she's still carrying it. After watching it I feel almost forced to stay alive because I can't imagine causing that kind of pain, though I'm still struggling with severe depression.

Do you ever feel that way? Is the pain it leaves behind just too immense for you to go through with it?

 

[Wlfgrl]

Over the years it's stopped me from sticking to a plan, but I've tried getting over that mental hurdle by reminding myself that after I'm gone it won't matter anyways. It has stopped me though, like you asked. Brought me to tears and then other distractions to keep me going. I've kept telling myself though that after both are gone then I have free reign to go through with it. Wonder if thoughts of my siblings would have me stop, but I don't think so.

 

[telekon]

I know my mom would have gave a shit and it would have traumatized her if I did it at 20 or around that age. But now that I'm an "adult-adult" I'm pretty sure she wouldn't give a fuck. 90% sure neither of my parents would care.

I guess what I'm saying is that their whole trauma response is oftentimes them just being a narcissist.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

[Numinous]

I'm not sure what extent of my mothers grieving would be genuine and what would just be her performing socially expected grief. She has always cared more about her perceived reputation than me. I imagine most her grief would just stem from how her sons suicide would reflect on her parenting. I'm sure she'd make it all about poor her, though. She is the core reason I'm on a site like this to begin with.

 

[starboy2k]

My mother (and people like her) is one of the biggest reasons why Im going to kill myself lol.

Forcing to live for loved ones I don't even like would be a entirely different mental prison…..

 

[diospyros.kaki]

yes. for most of my teenager years i felt guilty for sometimes imagining that if my parents died i would finally be free to end it all and have a "valid" reason to ctb.

nowadays i still think/feel this way about my cats