I honestly don't know if there is someone I can give that title but it is hard to say. Being alone is very low on my list of things that bring about depression and sometimes I wonder if I just miss the physical aspect or the emotional aspect of having a relationship.
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ForestLove
Jus wanna be a tree
- Oct 16, 2018
- 236
I have it for 14years but it's time to set both me and him free.
Crimsonskye
Member
- Aug 28, 2018
- 71
The love of my life now hates me and that only makes me want to ctb even more.
color_me_gone
Sun is rising
- Dec 27, 2018
- 969
Redt2go
flower child
- Jan 5, 2019
- 1,643
Glim
Student
- Jan 28, 2019
- 108
FTL.Wanderer
Enlightened
- May 31, 2018
- 1,780
If against the great odds that happened, I'd still have to face that I'm what I am. Maintaining love, I think, is at least as hard as finding/inspiring it, compounding the initial odds. But if both could happen, I'd stick around until I had to leave. I'm utterly convinced I'll have to leave. I can't afford old age and our world/culture isn't able to provide all old people what they need to be content. So love would just be another temporary distraction. Much, much, much rather never to have been born.
yami9292
a sleepy loner
- Feb 20, 2019
- 34
I think about this often as well but I still feel as though the thoughts of ctb and my depression are going to be there no matter what. I can love but I find it may be hard for someone to love me. But if they truly made me see how beautiful this world was, even for a short time then maybe I would hold off ctb for longer than I plan to now. But sadly it doesn't work that and I will still most likely be depressed.Yes.. I am already with my love..but I still want to ctb..it's two different things..love is warm and sweet but still not enough to make me feel betterThis hypothetical scnenario has no grounds in reality, so i won't be able to give an meaningfull answer.
Wallflower
Member
- Feb 10, 2019
- 23
i wouldn't ctb if someone loved me, cause it would show me that there's hope. the main reason i want to ctb is cause i hate being stuck inside my skin, and i hate how i look.
meaningisgone
Student
- Feb 17, 2019
- 112
It's like this. If I was in love and someone was in love with me, I'd probably have a lot more will to live. It's hard to want to off yourself when your brain is full of feel-good chemicals and you have a sense of purpose and responsibility related to another person's wellbeing and happiness.
Here's the thing. A couple things. 1) I have totally given up on searching for love, I am so apathetic about life and worn out that it simply isn't a priority anymore, 2) I am not living my life in a way that would be likely to attract a mate (I am out of shape, not financially independent, oh, and I hardly ever leave my bedroom). Also, I guess 3) I am to an age in life where I feel pretty discontent with basing my happiness and will to live on a relationship. I've seen a whole lot of relationships end. It's just a non-sustainable way to function.
For me at this point, I feel like the only way forward is to find a will to live that comes from within. Or kill myself, whatever.
AhG
La vie est tout sauf un rĂŞve
- Jan 24, 2019
- 313
I hate this for you because I know the feeling.
meaningisgone
Student
- Feb 17, 2019
- 112
And as I was saying in chat tonight, I am not even sure I'd respect someone who professed their love for me in the sad state I am in, haha. At least I'd know they aren't using me for my money.
Eren
Si hablas español mándame un MP
- Oct 27, 2018
- 1,074
I feel the same, I would like to have a partner but I do not think I'm made for that either.
meaningisgone
Student
- Feb 17, 2019
- 112
Out of curiosity, what about yourself makes you feel unqualified for a partner? I mean, I have a huge laundry list of reasons about myself. I am just curious about yours.
letmeseethedeath
catching the bus
- Aug 4, 2018
- 498
I'd ctb the same. we don't have anything real in this life, love like other things will end up. i don't bother myself in these things anymore
meaningisgone
Student
- Feb 17, 2019
- 112
I might understand what you mean to an extent. Having a partner used to be ultra important to me, maybe even the most important thing. For me personally, finding a partner started to gradually feel like an unrealistic priority over these past couple years and I've gotten to a point where although I'm lonely, I just don't bother myself in these things anymore. It's weird for me to witness that shift. Anything I've ever wanted for myself, I have given up on. Now I am just a meaningless blob. Which is part of why I am serious about ending it soon.Probably not. I've found the love of my life twice and i felt so alive then. God i miss that feeling.
meaningisgone
Student
- Feb 17, 2019
- 112
Last time I felt that way (or my version of it anyway) was in 2013, when I was in my early thirties, and I NEVER thought I could feel so awesome with someone as an adult. I thought that was reserved for dumb teenagers. It made me feel ten years younger, being with her.
FTL.Wanderer
Enlightened
- May 31, 2018
- 1,780
I have, maybe, but I can't keep subjecting him to me. He's younger than me by a bit, adventurous, laid-back, artistic. I drag him down even when I'm doing okay because I just don't genuinely enjoy anything. He deserves someone as passionate for life as he is.
I was worried about this even when we got together a couple of years ago, but at that time I was sort of high on the new relationship and overly optimistic that I could change.
meaningisgone
Student
- Feb 17, 2019
- 112
That's a sad feeling for me, feeling like I take away from what others would enjoy, simply by being present and trying to participate. Part of what it means to feel like a burden to others.
Pipe11
Deep sad
- Oct 9, 2018
- 11
Eren
Si hablas español mándame un MP
- Oct 27, 2018
- 1,074
- Many inferiority complexes
- Sexual problems, I'm going through a confusing stage in terms of sexual identity
- Extremely neurotic, and therefore, jealous, in fact I lost my ex-girlfriend for this reason
- Social isolation
And you?Last edited:
Crimsonskye
Member
- Aug 28, 2018
- 71
How do I justify my own existence when I just make people hate me?
Redt2go
flower child
- Jan 5, 2019
- 1,643
Why does your existence need to be justified? Justified to who?
Eren
Si hablas español mándame un MP
- Oct 27, 2018
- 1,074
Dog Food
POS
- Mar 27, 2018
- 143
Jacquelyn
hellworld_kickflip888
- Feb 23, 2019
- 107
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