how do you feel right now? don’t even think about it, just type.

[yowai]

I woke up at 9 pm, it's middle of the night and I'm getting bored out of my mind but can't sleep. Also icky and annoyed as hell.

 

[Sakura.]

Nic nie ma w moim przypadku znaczenia...


I tak muszę popełnić samobójstwo...


Muszę w końcu to zrobić...


Muszę...

 

[Apathy79]

I feel like I'm not doing what I plan to do and know I should do. Every day. Consistently. And I don't know how to change it.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I feel oddly calm. At the end of one project. About to start something else. I've enjoyed a few hours just procrastinating on here. I know it won't last. It's partly the contrast. Going from having to work intensely to having a bit of time to breathe. Soon I will return to work and worry. I've been intensely suicidal recently too so, maybe it's the (likely brief) rest bite from that. It's during these brief times that I can actually feel grateful for things. I'm grateful to this community right now. Thank you beautiful souls for being there.

 

[shroomia]

sad, lost and alone. I feel like theres a gaping hole where my heart used to be...

 

[Pale_Rider]

I feel scared, and nervous about events happening in my life. I know things would be a lot better for me if I didn't have mental illness. Just trying make an appointment with a psych is a challenge for me as my PTSD fills me with fear. Just going grocery shopping is a challenge I'm so sick of it to be honest. Sick of hatred of the world too. As its their hatred that put me in the position of having DID, and severe PTSD. Sick of it all.

 

[Sakura.]

Living after what happened to me here and what I did to Her is unbearable...

 

[Sakura.]

I suffer so much...

I wish so much that I could at least write here about all of this...

But even for it I don't have the ability to...

 

[onerousyawn]

Trapped and too addled to do anything other than watch everything fall apart.

 

[ccoki17]

It's rather simple.

I'm done. I don't want to be here anymore.

 

[SchizoGymnast]

Aggravated

 

[karakoltriste]

high, good but worried

 

[UserFromNowhere]

I feel fine. Not sad or anxious or happy or energetic, just fine. I'm waiting on my chosen method to arrive, but I'm not sure that I'll commit when it gets here. All my plans are based off deadlines and conditions, and those haven't been met; so unless I get a brief wave of impulsive suicidality that lasts multiple days, I'm just sitting here, waiting for time to tell me whether my life ends.

 

[RandomFellowIdc]

Can't think about anything other than 2024 being the best year of my life, how I lost everything and can never get that back. Just want to quit, don't give a flying fuck anymore about trying to fix this

 

[dumbnhappy]

I feel like I'm cursed to never amount to anything. even if I get a year or two years where I'm not depressed, it'll come back tenfold and I'll ruin my life again and again

 

[catfriend]

i'm officially a failure.

 

[thebiggestduck17]

i feel lonely and on edge (or anxious i guess) since i haven't left my house in a couple days

 

[sagastruggles]

Heartbroken and so, so alone.

My husband decided he doesn't want me anymore. I have no one who loves me in the world and nowhere to go now.

 

[lv-nii]

Dissatisfaction
Existential emptiness
Thoughts of an uncertain future
Will I die young?
Do I really want to cease to exist?.... yes
The sensation of the gun barrel next to my head, waiting to be fired...
It's really something I want.
I have no doubt about it.
I have my reasons why?
I really don't know, I just want that feeling to end.
It's common for me to be left contemplating nothingness by itself.
I'm mentally ill in ways I don't know how to describe.
I just know that pretending to be well, it's tiring. I just want to express it without getting weird looks or anxiety.
I don't know if I'm hard on myself, or if it's a product of something external that causes me to be in this state.
I take refuge in music, it's the only thing that keeps me sane. But not for long
I've relapsed so many times that I've lost count. I may get better for a while, but I am haunted again by the thought of dying.
It's like a nightmare that I have to adapt to so I don't go crazy.
Writing that fucking letter in the wee hours of the morning so many times and not finding the right words.
It's fucking sad to see people you care about walk away from you just because I have thoughts like these, because they don't see improvement in me or effort to move forward. I REALLY TRY MY HARDEST, FORGIVE ME, FORGIVE ME FOR BEING A FAILURE. DAMN IT
I really don't want to victimize myself, I don't deny that I have done bad things that I regret and that I have tried to change for the better.
This is what I feel

 

[wham311]

Can't live can't die.

Student loans become due in a year. Theyr gonna take everything from me. I am panicking and crying all day long and thinking about suicide, and my appearance is beyond fucked. There is no way I can get a job.

My resume consist exclusively of delivering catering for the last ten years. Doesn't look good on a resume. It no longer makes money and doesn't profide benefits and driving jobs require you to be able to lift 50 lbs which I can't anymore. I none of my clothes fit either. I am so skinny I can barely sit down on hard surfaces and would be considered obese if I had enough muscle to put me over the threshold so my body just sucks ass.

I went to buy clothes today and I have nothing to build on. I have shitty cheap tshirts that barely fit and athletic shorts and two polos. One pair of white converse and a pair of black shoes. I have to put together outfits with just this, it's very limited. Everything I have is not conducive to how fucking hot it's getting.

I keep fucking up cutting my own hair, have cut it for years and realized how bad it looks. I've buzzed it and let the top grow and then shaved down the sides and it isnt blended, it just isn't good.

My self esteem is not existent and people pick up on all of this and I come off horribly. I can barely drop food off to a receptionist and I have to get a career started like now or I won't be able to afford food or haircuts in a year.

I have never been able to hold a job and I am iff testosterone so I am moody, tired, and I just don't get along with people. I have no shot whatsoever. Haven't had a real job in 12 years.

I would be terrified if I wasn't so depressed. I am a complete failure and know I won't be able to get a job or to ctb. I wake up at 1 am and try my best not to panic, then may fall asleep for a few hours or not, and then I just lay in bed depressed and panicked until I pick up my order and get terrified of the restaurant and how I look and then get even more terrified of the business. People don't want homeless looking crazy people delivering their shit.

I am so tired and depressed and panicked all the time. I go from thinking about how to improve my situation and realizing I can't, to thinking about how to ctb and realizing I can't, back and forth all day long on repeat.

I ask my mom to help ctb she ignores. I ask her for help to get it all back together and she ignores. I am just a puddle of a person, completely unable to take care of myself and no one is coming to help.

50 years left. This is the worst life ever.

 

[whaleandwasp]

Stressed and anxious, worried and uncertain. Sad, and disappointed with myself.

 

[Alexandra0]

Hell is burning all around. Inside I am dead, only a shell remains. My brain feverishly thinks only about how to bring the day of KTB closer