1nocares
Member
- May 22, 2026
- 23
i can't seem to do anything right. i feel like i function differently yet i can't pin exactly how. i forget, i forget so easily it's like i have the brain of a dementia patient in a 19 y/o body. i feel pathetic, i get myself in trouble, yet they are my own consequences i deal with. i say i don't care in the moment, which i don't, but then wallow in the shame and anger after the fact. i don't know what im doing anymore. i don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. maybe i'm focusing on the wrong too much, and maybe that's just me. it is just who i am, unfixable. pathetic with no drive or vision. i don't feel authentic, i feel fake. i feel like i have changed myself so much to fit around others that i just don't know whats right. how to act, how to behave or how to even treat myself. i'm all alone again, again and again i just push everyone away. im
not fun to be around. they are better off finding someone more interesting, more comforting. i hate who i am and how i think. i hate that i can barely form thoughts and the moment i try to write them down, they're incomprehensible. i am sick, sick of myself and probably sick in the brain. i don't know what the fuck is wrong with me.
all i function on is social comparison. who is doing what better than me, it makes me feel like shit. i probably enjoy making myself feel like shit, all the self sabotaging and what not. i say i hate when all that people focus on is popularity, if they have some sort of higher standing amongst the others. everyone has to be better than each other, everyone has to be important , but i bet i feel the same way deep down. i like to say i am aware but i truly don't know a thing. i genuinely think im stupid. i've smoked since high school, fucked up my memory and probably stunted my growth a bit. i don't read books, i don't have a genuine hunger to learn. i don't know if that's because i had no hope in living or because i just never gave myself the chance. i find it hard to concentrate, on anything and everything. even writing this im constantly switching between topics and just writing what comes to mind. just because i know that nobody will read this. I guess i want to put it out somewhere, anywhere, because i know im not alone. that i know for sure
not fun to be around. they are better off finding someone more interesting, more comforting. i hate who i am and how i think. i hate that i can barely form thoughts and the moment i try to write them down, they're incomprehensible. i am sick, sick of myself and probably sick in the brain. i don't know what the fuck is wrong with me.
all i function on is social comparison. who is doing what better than me, it makes me feel like shit. i probably enjoy making myself feel like shit, all the self sabotaging and what not. i say i hate when all that people focus on is popularity, if they have some sort of higher standing amongst the others. everyone has to be better than each other, everyone has to be important , but i bet i feel the same way deep down. i like to say i am aware but i truly don't know a thing. i genuinely think im stupid. i've smoked since high school, fucked up my memory and probably stunted my growth a bit. i don't read books, i don't have a genuine hunger to learn. i don't know if that's because i had no hope in living or because i just never gave myself the chance. i find it hard to concentrate, on anything and everything. even writing this im constantly switching between topics and just writing what comes to mind. just because i know that nobody will read this. I guess i want to put it out somewhere, anywhere, because i know im not alone. that i know for sure
