I (more or less) always felt like I didn't belong anywhere due to ostracization. It wasn't until I was around 12 that I started imagining various ways I could die. It's become something of an addiction since then: turning to suicidal thoughts as a means of comfort.
The first time I felt like not living I was in junior high but didn't fully understand it or know what to do about it. I felt like the feeling has been constant since I was about 23
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