At what age did you realize that life was not for you?

[SpencerSees]

11.
My childhood best friend started to be friends with other people, and eventually, we stopped being friends. Now to me, she was like my last safe space. And that's when I realized that I can't function like any other kid. I needed someone to be my friend and no one else's. I think that's when it hit me, that even if my teacher who abused me gets fired, even if I move away from home, I'll never be normal again.

 

[NambaSutra]

I'm not sure. I was super depressed my early 20s but suicide wasn't something I thought about then. The first time I know I mentioned it to someone I was 33 (I only know because the other person remembers). But only around 43 did I start getting more sure. I'm 48 now, wish I had done it a long time ago, nothing that's happened in my adult life was worth living for and it's getting harder all the time to get supplies.

 

[resolutory]

At what age did you realize that life was not for you? I probably understood this at the age of 7, when they brought me to school. I asked myself the question: "Why do I need this? For what? I did not choose to be born." I think I had these thoughts before, but I didn't realize it.

I think it was probably the same for me.

 

[FacePALM]

I think I was 10 at the time. The realities of my trauma boiling beneath the surface but still unable to touch it because it was buried so deep.

 

[soontobedone]

Somewhere around 19 I came home drunk from a party where I'd fought with my husband and took a whole box of cold medicine ..which was a lot stronger in the 80s btw.
2 years later I had my first episode and bi-polar diagnosis. In the 36 years since then, I'd say I've had maybe 8-10 seriously suicidal phases that have lasted months sometimes. The depression can last years but that dangerous "gotta do it" phase (which I've been in for 5 months now and may be just starting to surface from) rarely lasts for more than 6 months.

 

[MyFinalProject]

13

 

[Saai]

I think in highschool I still had allot of hope for life. I thought things would get better. But I eventually realised the life is patches of short lived happiness with nothing but bs in-between.

I realised this at 22. Peaceful methods are hard to obtain for me. So I gotta power through till a good CTB is viable.

Hopefully somthing pops up that makes it all worth it, but my hopes are not high.

 

[MrbearX]

12 and it hasn't failed to remind me that
26 years later it still ain't for me

 

[Scythe]

16, realized that capitlism is a bitch and society is a bully. So I decided to do my best and enjoy life then get the fuck out...And I haven't been enjoying life tbh. So I'm just working on something important to me after I finish that I'm out.

 

[Yozo_oba]

I think I was in 6th grade, 11, when I started to realize I never asked to be born, never asked to suffer.
But it didn't really set in that I had a option out of life until mid 7th grade. And that's when I started using self harm as an coping mechanism to my depersonalization and depression. (at that time I didn't know what i was feeling was depersonalization until a few weeks ago.)

 

[leavingsoon99]

I knew this as a child. I remember when I was very young, and I got very ill and had to be in the hospital for a long time. The doctors said it was a miracle that I survived. During that time, I remember being cared for so tenderly and beautifully by the nurses and my mother. It was one of the few times in my life that I remember my mother actually being kind to me. I wish I would've died then. I even wished for it then. I was about 6 years old. This life has never been kind to me, and I wish my mother would've listened to her family and aborted me.

 

[user39]

21. constant physical and mental issues

 

[alaura111]

At what age did you realize that life was not for you? I probably understood this at the age of 7, when they brought me to school. I asked myself the question: "Why do I need this? For what? I did not choose to be born." I think I had these thoughts before, but I didn't realize it.

Luckily only at 14 I feel so bad for you guys who had to go through this at such a young age I'm so sorry :(

 

[wafflepancake]

16

 

[SueAsyde]

6.
Even wrote a letter but it got found before i could try something. My mother's horrified words have echoed in my head with the same intensity ever since.

 

[Toy]

8.

 

[Pink Fluffy Cat]

about mid 20s after I realized how mundane my life really is and nothing interesting will likely ever happen in my life until I died.

 

[EfiLoneVolon]

Thinking life was not for me is partially the reason I'm here today. If i had seek help younger, my life probably would have been very different. I had everything to be happy but didnt realize it. I played bad with my cards and made big mistakes.
Now, I'm in hell.

 

[zeropercentangel]

I was around 10 years old. I don't think anything specific triggered it, I just always had a feeling that life wasn't for me. From there it kept getting worse and when I was around 15, this became the only thing I'm thinking about when I'm not distracting myself with something else.

 

[TAW122]

Around 12 years of age or so (maybe younger) when I realized how shitty life was at home, at school, and just the world in general. I further became disillusioned when I entered college around 18 or so.

 

[jdog2498]

probably when i realized it wasn't going to get any better. life is very nihilistic and it isn't very hard to see this even as a child

 

[hellobye]

Around ten years old, realised I just wouldn't ever feel at ease with being alive. I used to be able to escape to sleep, but now anxiety has wrecked that too.

 

[araney995]

17, I also had a suicide attempt at the time. Now I am 28 and nothing has changed. I also remember when I was 11, the thought crossed my mind that I would die young and not survive to the end of school

 

[LongWayAlone]

Very young i realized that. i think 13/14

 

[Danielwc]

My first memories are of fear. Dread and a loneliness nobody could understand,a feeling of something dark hovering over me. I didn't realize I had a choice until well into my teens. I don't particularly give a fuck about the legalities of it or the philosophy. If it's so wrong then where were the powers that be? I was a ticking clock. I never wanted this and I don't like it, it's shit. When I ctb it will be a statement. Life is not for me, nothing in it interests me.

 

[Haruka]

When I was really young, maybe at around 5. I didn't fully understand it then but I did not want to live, and it only got worse when I hit double figures. I'm 19 now and not much is better, it has just stuck with me.

 

[Wrxngg]

15 after grandmother passed everyday just feels pointless since then. so long ive waited and now im just tired of waiting. I dont think theres much i can lose after her.

 

[Irvong]

At what age did you realize that life was not for you? I probably understood this at the age of 7, when they brought me to school. I asked myself the question: "Why do I need this? For what? I did not choose to be born." I think I had these thoughts before, but I didn't realize it.

I was the same age as you when i realized life and all its activities are worthless. I remember school also triggered tos feelings as well. I'm 28 now and i still think the same thing. Life is not worth living.

 

[Yahwa]

Really early on, before I even knew what suicide was. I can't recall a single time where I understood why we even were alive when I was a child, and when I was a teen, that feeling got even worse because of all the traumatic experiences I've had, and now all these years later after trying to see life in any other way, I still feel the same. Life's meaningless. Unless you're privileged enough to have everything handed to you, to be comfortable in your own body, to be neurotypical, then you stand no chance whatsoever of living "your best life". I've never been living, I've only been enduring and surviving

 

[imlookingforward]

since i was a teenager, probably around when middle school started or a couple years before