anyone else worried about loved ones following you?

[Hammer]

My partner, bless her, still has the rest of her life ahead of her. I've been really mentally bad lately and she quipped that I'm stuck with her, even if I died shed follow me.

Now I'm really upset thst she may actually do it, I want her to live the rest of her life sure I'd prefer to live it with her. But that's not an option for me anymore.

And there's no real way of me to make sure she does keep living, I've written her a letter asking her to keep going without me but that doesn't garentee anything. So now not only do I have the guilt of how my partner and parents will feel, I now also may have her death on my hands.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I do think about this. My husband has his own past issues and I would hate for them to resurface and cause him to want to end his path. In my opinion, he has a potential future, and in fact, a better one without me. But I know the immediate aftermath is going to be extremely difficult for him.

Honestly, I worry more about my mother. I am the only child of a single mother. She has told me time and time again that I am the only reason she still lives. I don't expect her to take her life, but she may very well give up the will to live, which could cause serious health problems.

Like you, I've written letters to both of them. I hope it gives them the courage to go on, and I hope they have the strength to persist. Their decisions are out of my hands, though. In the end, we cannot control the decisions others make. Likewise, we cannot let others make decisions for us. To stay alive and suffering because other people may feel sad if you're gone must surely be too much pressure to handle. It's perhaps a very tricky ethical line. I'm not sure the answers are ever simple.

 

[Bosty]

Almost my entire family suffers from pretty severe depression, I'm one of the few who isn't depressed. When I leave, I imagine they will either be sent into their depression again, or hopefully since they've already been through so much pain they will better be able to handle it. I'm mostly worried for my mother, I doubt she or anybody else would follow me to death, but she will probably not be well off, mentally.

 

[iDieUDie80]

I'm sure you have your reasons, but are you positive that all hope is lost? Have you tried to give yourself a chance?

 

[mem12]

My partner, bless her, still has the rest of her life ahead of her. I've been really mentally bad lately and she quipped that I'm stuck with her, even if I died shed follow me.

Now I'm really upset thst she may actually do it, I want her to live the rest of her life sure I'd prefer to live it with her. But that's not an option for me anymore.

And there's no real way of me to make sure she does keep living, I've written her a letter asking her to keep going without me but that doesn't garentee anything. So now not only do I have the guilt of how my partner and parents will feel, I now also may have her death on my hands.

Did you try to go to Psych? Doctors? Meds? Counselling?

 

[Deleted member 1768]

My partner, bless her, still has the rest of her life ahead of her. I've been really mentally bad lately and she quipped that I'm stuck with her, even if I died shed follow me.

Now I'm really upset thst she may actually do it, I want her to live the rest of her life sure I'd prefer to live it with her. But that's not an option for me anymore.

And there's no real way of me to make sure she does keep living, I've written her a letter asking her to keep going without me but that doesn't garentee anything. So now not only do I have the guilt of how my partner and parents will feel, I now also may have her death on my hands.

Yes.

 

[Nymph]

Yeah, my dad has depression which I inherited and he even said he could ctb if I die. Then my mom I feel like is pretty strong but idk

 

[Toobrokentofix]

My 5 children omg. I wish I could just wake up one morning and be ok. I wish I could stick around and get better. Makes me feel so guilty that I feel like I need to make it look accidental

 

[TAW122]

No, I don't have any children, only parents and a sister. They are all wanting to live so I don't believe that my death will make them follow me. Plus, my sister lives far from me, in another state and I rarely interact or see her. My parents are in their senior age, they are still working but near retirement age.

 

[Hammer]

I'm sure you have your reasons, but are you positive that all hope is lost? Have you tried to give yourself a chance?

Sorry for the late reply. Yeah I'm 100%, I'm 29, had mental problems since I was around 8-9, really bad anxiety, panic disorder. I have a severe phobia of throwing up, like to the point where I'd rather die than do it, even writing that is making me anxious. I got alot better around 19 and had ways to cope, but my body was in a pretty good condition being so young. Not only has my mental health gotten worse oher the past few years but now my body is failing me too, making me feel nasueus alot of the time which then triggers my panic. I'm living every day in a nightmare. It's gotten to the point where the only way I have a none crying my eyes out, self harming wishing I was dead day is if I take diazipam (vallium) which I don't have alot of as it's addictive and not a permanent solution.

So yes I'm ready to go, I can't keep living in fear every day and I've tried everything I and my parents and doctors could think to get better, my mind is just too far gone.