Have you ever been in love?

[Forever Sleep]

I've been througha few rounds of what I now believe was limerence (obessive crushes) rather than love and it does sound like you may suffer from this too. I would term it suffering too- it really messed me up for a few years. Now, I'm more careful.

It's kind of tricky though really- because- what's the difference between love and limerence? People in the early stages of love often are kind of obsessive. All I can say is- I would find myself ignoring stuff that wasn't great. They'd do something to make me question how nice they even were and I'd briefly be put off but a couple of days later, I'd be back to fantasizing about them. Regardless, I'd recommend you look into the term. 'The Crappy Childhood Fairy' does some good videos on YouTube about it.

 

[Meteora]

I know this all too well ....
I felt like that for many years and it was weird that a guy just had to be a little bit nice... and I had such feelings and obsession.
It is tiring feels like being trapped.
If one could die from withradwal of love as a child I would ve been long-gone.

 

[BriocheAlien]

I've been in love before. I think I am in love now and that is why I've been putting up with how bad he treats me for much longer than I should. In past relationships even when I was infatuated eventually I'd leave by this point-- but love keeps me sticking around to see the day when he gets better -- wishful thinking, I guess.

 

[the_fail_man]

No I am too disabled and chronically sick for anyone to love me.

 

[slightoverlooked]

no sadly not.

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

Anybody here ever been in love?

There's this woman at my job and I can't stop thinking about her. She's been nothing but extremely kind to me and always tries to make an effort to talk to me (even though I'm very shy and a naturally quiet person.) She even says hi to me every time I see her. It's a wonderful feeling but it's also destroying my mental health from the inside out. My attraction to her is negatively effecting my personal life. I can't sleep at night because all I think about is her. I can never have any piece of mind because I spend all my time thinking about her and anticipating the next time I'll see her again. Despite that I rarely see her at work or get to talk to her and not seeing her makes me feel extremely depressed and upset. If I'm unable to speak to her at work I get hopelessly suicidal. Like today I was unable to hold any meaningful conversations with her and I spent a great portion of the day tearing up and being upset about it. Although she did ask me if I was okay... I know none of this is normal...and it's so embarrassing to feel this way but I'm just really obsessed with her. I'm trying to control my feelings for her but they are consuming me whole and I don't know what to do. To cope I started to s/h but it only makes me feel worse, not better. Sometimes I wish she never would have talked to me on my first day of work because...I don't know... it's like the kindness she showed me rewrote the chemistry in my brain. I've just never had someone be so nice to me (and probably for good reason too lol). I just want us to be great (work) friends and talk and laugh and text each other....I dunno.....

I am in love but it's unrequited and it's the most agonising thing of all. To keep pouring all of my time and emotions in to someone who couldn't give a damn. If only I could turn it off like a tap, just forget him. I would do anything to never have known him because to be in this pain everyday is just horrendous. To see him online doing X,Y and Z just cracking on with it whilst my soul is just shredded to fuck.

Mutual love is beautiful. Unrequited love is sheer torture.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

I am in love but it's unrequited and it's the most agonising thing of all. To keep pouring all of my time and emotions in to someone who couldn't give a damn. If only I could turn it off like a tap, just forget him. I would do anything to never have known him because to be in this pain everyday is just horrendous. To see him online doing X,Y and Z just cracking on with it whilst my soul is just shredded to fuck.

Mutual love is beautiful. Unrequited love is sheer torture.

God I feel this. Hanging on to his every word when you're nothing but an afterthought to him...

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

Exactly. I am consumed by him but it's like a spell I just can't break.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

Exactly. I am consumed by him but it's like a spell I just can't break.

In my experience the only way to break the spell is to go no-contact. It took me multiple false starts but eventually I was able to break free (though it took a particularly hurtful incident for me to finally muster up the strength to do it). Of course it's never really a clean break because of how bad it continues to hurt after you go NC...and it never really does stop hurting tbh. But I wouldn't ever go back. The pain is at least manageable now.

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

I think that's what he's done with me. He's just ignoring me. Trouble is I just keep looking to see what he's doing. I did 3 weeks without emailing him then one night bottled and did it and he just ignored me.
Oh well. One day when I'm dead he'll know exactly what he meant to me because before I go, I shall tell him. Not in a spiteful way but just so he knows what he meant to me.

 

[Camper]

No. I've been in several relationships, even a marriage. But I've never been in love. Only infatuated. I've repeatedly made the mistake of thinking that as long as I find someone physically attractive and can get along with them OK, it doesn't matter if we have different interests, outlooks on life, or cultural backgrounds.

This was foolish of me to think. It's hard to find someone I can relate to (a problem for nearly everyone), which is probably why I developed that maladaptive view on relationships.

Going through the trauma of being judged/mocked for who I am by intimate partners will possibly make it more difficult for me to open up in the future. I really do wonder if I'll ever experience what being in love is actually like.

 

[Yuki_03]

I've had various crushes and some "relationships" (though it doesnt count, imo), right now i dont have one, well, maybe one, idk if it counts.

 

[Valso]

Yes, but I wish I wasn't. Love is only pain and nothing else and what's worse - time DOESN'T heal this pain, time only makes it worse.