Story It's today (SN) - soon

[tronix]

Hi. I haven't been here for a while.
Today is the day. Just wanted to share something.

About two months ago my partner suddenly left me and I don't know why, actually.
We were in touch from time to time, mostly so that he could lie to me and make up stories of how he's suffering right now. Sometimes he was suggesting to me that we still have chances. Sometimes he was awful and said a lot of hurtful things.

I know, it sound stupid to do this because of a guy. But I left my job for him. I had plans. I wanted to find a new job to start a new life, repair a bathroom in my place, sell the apartment, find a new one, bigger one, and then have a baby with him, just like he wanted. And yes, a quiet marriage in the meantime.

I'm not that young. I'm not that lucky. I don't have a loving family. I don't feel, especially now, that I deserve what I wanted to have. I'm unlovable. I've never did anything to him, I don't understand this entire situation. The way he treats me, the way he lies...

He met with my friend recently. The idea was hers, however he didn't have to agree. They met and he lied to her, told her about him suffering, him not being sure about my agenda, him being in so much pain blah blah blah. Obviously, she believed him. And, because he didn't tell her he doesn't want to have anything to do with me (even asked her if I'd like to meet with him and talk), because he didn't tell her about stuff she could take from me and give him back, because of the fact he spent an hour with her, telling her his side of the story, my friend thought that it might be a good sign.

But he lied to her. He never intended to do anything. To talk to me. He didn't tell her anything bad, anything "final", because he didn't want to be seen as a bad person.

I'm ready to understand he's a toxic and bad person who lies to everyone around making a victim of himself while I cannot function. I barely eat, sleep only thanks to meds.

So, it's today. SN waits for me. I bought it a month ago. Today is the day. I've decided to leave a note. A letter. Still writing it. And I'm cleaning my place. Making the laundry. Spending time with my cat and watching The Walking Dead. I need to wait until midnight.

 

[billie]

I hope you find the peace you are looking for

 

[gokpg]

Sorry to hear that, i hope that you can finally find the rest you are looking for

 

[justcallmeJ]

Im sorry for your pain, i hope you find some peace soon <3

 

[marudekinoumitai]

In a similar boat. The pain is truly awful. I hope everything goes well for you <3

 

[Aprilfarewell4]

keep people posted. the more folks and see the effectiveness of SN, the more it could help others. it's totally effective done right, but many are scared by the horror stories, which i can't personally know the validity of tbh.

 

[Justnotme]

I hope that you will leave without pain and without suffering

 

[TiredOfAllThis]

Wish you to finally find peace.

Who is going to care of your cat?

 

[tronix]

keep people posted. the more folks and see the effectiveness of SN, the more it could help others. it's totally effective done right, but many are scared by the horror stories, which i can't personally know the validity of tbh.

We we'll see if I will be able to. I don't have any other meds that are said to be required.
Just pure SN. I'm going to prepare two or three glasses.
I need to somehow let people know they should send someone here. Mostly because of my cat.

Wish you to finally find peace.

Who is going to care of your cat?

I'm giving some instructions about him in my suicide note. For now, most of my friends already have cats and mine is... Well, let's say a bit different, little weirdo. But everyone know how important he is to me. So I hope someone will take good care of Michael. That's his name.

 

[Aprilfarewell4]

We we'll see if I will be able to. I don't have any other meds that are said to be required.
Just pure SN. I'm going to prepare two or three glasses.
I need to somehow let people know they should send someone here. Mostly because of my cat.

delayed text message by a couple hours. but if you don;t have meds for vomit, you probably will not be able to do it. my guess. maybe you should get better prepared if you need to do this for yourself?

 

[TiredOfAllThis]

I need to somehow let people know they should send someone here. Mostly because of my cat.

You can schedule a delayed message

 

[tronix]

delayed text message by a couple hours. but if you don;t have meds for vomit, you probably will not be able to do it. my guess. maybe you should get better prepared if you need to do this for yourself?

I don't think these meds are needed. I've read stories here, not everyone who succeeded had these meds.

In my country, it's not that easy to get them.

You can schedule a delayed message

Thanks. Yes, that's what I'm thinking of. But I don't know to whom. I mean... It's quite awful to let someone know this way.

 

[Aprilfarewell4]

I don't think these meds are needed. I've read stories here, not everyone who succeeded had these meds.

In my country, it's not that easy to get them.

Thanks. Yes, that's what I'm thinking of. But I don't know to whom. I mean... It's quite awful to let someone know this way.

keep us posted, good luck. hope it works fast without the extra meds OP

 

[tronix]

keep us posted, good luck. hope it works fast without the extra meds OP

I know it's not the same but a few years ago I drank a glass of water mixed with salt. A lot of salt. It was supposed to help me with vomiting because I had some stomach issues then. Actually, I still have them. I wasn't diagnosed with Crohn's but there chances I might have it. Which is also fucked up.
Anyway, I drank the salty water and NOTHING HAPPENED. I'm not the person who vomits easily.
However, I have some quetapine and I'm thinking of taking it to feel sleepy maybe? I was prescribed only 25 mg. Does it make sense to take it? Just to maybe feel more sleepy.

And now, I'm also considering doing my hair, my makeup, I don't know. Is it silly?

 

[Aprilfarewell4]

I know it's not the same but a few years ago I drank a glass of water mixed with salt. A lot of salt. It was supposed to help me with vomiting because I had some stomach issues then. Actually, I still have them. I wasn't diagnosed with Crohn's but there chances I might have it. Which is also fucked up.
Anyway, I drank the salty water and NOTHING HAPPENED. I'm not the person who vomits easily.

what time are you going to begin? have you decided? no it's not silly. many dress well before killing themselves. clean clothes and body etc.

 

[tronix]

what time are you going to begin? have you decided? no it's not silly. many dress well before killing themselves. clean clothes and body etc.

It's 9 p.m. here. So around midnight. I live alone with my cat. There's no one to stop me or call for help.
I already did a few things at home so maybe yes, I will shower and prepare myself. It will help me not to think about hunger.

 

[Aprilfarewell4]

It's 9 p.m. here. So around midnight. I live alone with my cat. There's no one to stop me or call for help.
I already did a few things at home so maybe yes, I will shower and prepare myself. It will help me not to think about hunger

i'd message you but you must have that feature turned off.

 

[tronix]

We can talk here. I have time.

 

[livinginthedreams]

I plan to go today too. I wish you the best of luck

 

[Aprilfarewell4]

good luck, and I hope it goes how you need. thank you for any updates you are able to provide.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

I'm sorry you're going through this. I had an ex who cheated on me, then lied to everyone saying I was clingy, which was partially true but she was as well and she made it out like I was some clingy control freak, which wasn't true, all the while never admitting that the real reason we split was her cheating. I never bothered to tell anyone because I guess I didn't want to ruin anyone's image of her.

I'm sorry you feel the need to do this, I wish you peace in whatever path you take.

And now, I'm also considering doing my hair, my makeup, I don't know. Is it silly?

I don't think this is silly, honestly. I say go ahead and do it if you want, it is your life and this might be your final day.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope that you find the freedom you are searching for, best of luck in your plans.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry that life brought you to this point. I hope you find peace! Safe travels and good luck!

 

[IonicLemon69]

good luck

 

[tronix]

I'm sorry you're going through this. I had an ex who cheated on me, then lied to everyone saying I was clingy, which was partially true but she was as well and she made it out like I was some clingy control freak, which wasn't true, all the while never admitting that the real reason we split was her cheating. I never bothered to tell anyone because I guess I didn't want to ruin anyone's image of her.

I'm sorry you feel the need to do this, I wish you peace in whatever path you take.

I don't think this is silly, honestly. I say go ahead and do it if you want, it is your life and this might be your final day.

I don't get why people are like this. I mean... What's the point? Why do they bother so much to be viewed in a particular way?
My ex made a fool of my best friend because she believed his intentions where good. And then, he tells me it's all her fault because SHE MADE HIM DO THIS. Meet with her.

For so long he was telling me lies about sending me an email, making a victim of himself, how sad he is now... But wait, why? He left me. And told my friend he wanted to be stopped. And I tried. Then, now, like... Why some people need that kind of validation? Why do they want to use others to make themselves feel better?
I can only be thankful this psycho dumped me though he wasted three years of my life.

Once he told me he doesn't love me. Straight to my face. I cried. He watched. Two or three months later he says, "I want to have kids, what do you think?" And I'm like wtf you told me you don't love me. But anyway, as usual, I told him that yeah, maybe me too, but thinking about this makes me wonder about our space, home, money, and I feel like we should prepare for that. Then, when breaking up, he tells me that we don't have the same idea of the future. He did nothing along the way, never took it back (the I don't love you thing), never did anything to... Why am I like this.

In like 1,5-2 hours I'll drink SN. And yet I'm here, spending my time to talk about this guy whose only plan was to ruin me completely.

 

[Zanmato]

So sorry to hear what happened to you
Take care, and I'm sorry that you feel you can't handle things anymore.
Life can be so much unfair

 

[Forveleth]

And now, I'm also considering doing my hair, my makeup, I don't know. Is it silly?

Not silly at all. You want to make yourself feel good! I'd say go for it if you want. Then you can tell Death they're underdressed.

 

[ojerascomounpanda]

Hi. I haven't been here for a while.
Today is the day. Just wanted to share something.

About two months ago my partner suddenly left me and I don't know why, actually.
We were in touch from time to time, mostly so that he could lie to me and make up stories of how he's suffering right now. Sometimes he was suggesting to me that we still have chances. Sometimes he was awful and said a lot of hurtful things.

I know, it sound stupid to do this because of a guy. But I left my job for him. I had plans. I wanted to find a new job to start a new life, repair a bathroom in my place, sell the apartment, find a new one, bigger one, and then have a baby with him, just like he wanted. And yes, a quiet marriage in the meantime.

I'm not that young. I'm not that lucky. I don't have a loving family. I don't feel, especially now, that I deserve what I wanted to have. I'm unlovable. I've never did anything to him, I don't understand this entire situation. The way he treats me, the way he lies...

He met with my friend recently. The idea was hers, however he didn't have to agree. They met and he lied to her, told her about him suffering, him not being sure about my agenda, him being in so much pain blah blah blah. Obviously, she believed him. And, because he didn't tell her he doesn't want to have anything to do with me (even asked her if I'd like to meet with him and talk), because he didn't tell her about stuff she could take from me and give him back, because of the fact he spent an hour with her, telling her his side of the story, my friend thought that it might be a good sign.

But he lied to her. He never intended to do anything. To talk to me. He didn't tell her anything bad, anything "final", because he didn't want to be seen as a bad person.

I'm ready to understand he's a toxic and bad person who lies to everyone around making a victim of himself while I cannot function. I barely eat, sleep only thanks to meds.

So, it's today. SN waits for me. I bought it a month ago. Today is the day. I've decided to leave a note. A letter. Still writing it. And I'm cleaning my place. Making the laundry. Spending time with my cat and watching The Walking Dead. I need to wait until midnight.

pls don't, don't do this for a guy. I was in your situation but with a girl, didn't even get to meet her. I don't know what time is it where you live but pls message me on telegram at @ojerascomounpanda

hugh your cat

 

[AllMyDreams]

If there's one thing I've learned... because I was kind of in your position, I was dating someone and I texted them 100x a day because I was worried they wouldn't reply, and eventually they broke it off with me. I wanted to die bc I thought they screwed me over and without them my life had no meaning.

I had to learn that I had to love myself (somehow) and be ok with myself to the point where I can enjoy enough about myself that I don't *need* another person (even though I'd still really want one)

Your bf seems like scum. You are worth a lot by yourself, and you can separate from him. IMO the best revenge on people like that is to not think about them and move on.

 

[tronix]

pls don't, don't do this for a guy. I was in your situation but with a girl, didn't even get to meet her. I don't know what time is it where you live but pls message me on telegram at @ojerascomounpanda

hugh your cat

I don't have this app and I'm doing this because it's not the first time. It's not the first time when someone treats me like shit. My first two relationships were abusive. Then, for 7 years, I was alone. I had to do everything by myself. I wouldn't call my family supportive. My parents were and are abusive. I'm tired of being alone. Of taking care of things. Of being always the perfect one at work, when I'm like dead inside. And no one ever feels proud of me. I'm tired.