Story It's today (SN) - soon

[Readytogo246]

Blessings and Peace

 

[tronix]

If there's one thing I've learned... because I was kind of in your position, I was dating someone and I texted them 100x a day because I was worried they wouldn't reply, and eventually they broke it off with me. I wanted to die bc I thought they screwed me over and without them my life had no meaning.

I had to learn that I had to love myself (somehow) and be ok with myself to the point where I can enjoy enough about myself that I don't *need* another person (even though I'd still really want one)

Your bf seems like scum. You are worth a lot by yourself, and you can separate from him. IMO the best revenge on people like that is to not think about them and move on.

When we were together, things seemed fine. I wasn't clingy. I wasn't overwhelming. We were together for three years and I never did anything to him. I was a good person. I am. And it's even harder to understand why he did something like that.

I'm tired of loving myself. I'm unlovable for everyone else. Not including my friends. I know they love me. But I can't stand life anymore.

 

[AllMyDreams]

When we were together, things seemed fine. I wasn't clingy. I wasn't overwhelming. We were together for three years and I never did anything to him. I was a good person. I am. And it's even harder to understand why he did something like that.

I'm tired of loving myself. I'm unlovable for everyone else. Not including my friends. I know they love me. But I can't stand life anymore.

Oh I wasn't saying you were clingy! I'm just saying I understand how you felt because I also wanted to die when someone left me. (Unlike you, it was my fault, haha)

If your friends love you then someone else can love you, too. Regardless loving yourself doesn't just mean saying you love yourself. It means doing things in life for yourself, that make you happy and give you a purpose independent of any other person.

Instead of approaching a relationship like 'I need this person', say something like 'I am grateful to have this person join my life'

 

[ojerascomounpanda]

I don't have this app and I'm doing this because it's not the first time. It's not the first time when someone treats me like shit. My first two relationships were abusive. Then, for 7 years, I was alone. I had to do everything by myself. I wouldn't call my family supportive. My parents were and are abusive. I'm tired of being alone. Of taking care of things. Of being always the perfect one at work, when I'm like dead inside. And no one ever feels proud of me. I'm tired.

installing it it's just a couple of minutes, pls.

Look, it's hard charging your view of the world because i also had the same view. "Everything is pain", "why life even is a thing". I would consider myself an antinatalist, and in part i am. But after all of the shit i went through everything turned out ok. I know is awful dealing with it, i was on the street with nowhere to go actively trying to kill my self.

The pain doesn't just go away, is transfered to someone else.

where are you from? i would consider a rehabilitation program. It worked for me!

pls, just talk to me.

 

[tronix]

Oh I wasn't saying you were clingy! I'm just saying I understand how you felt because I also wanted to die when someone left me. (Unlike you, it was my fault, haha)

If your friends love you then someone else can love you, too. Regardless loving yourself doesn't just mean saying you love yourself. It means doing things in life for yourself, that make you happy and give you a purpose independent of any other person.

I don't have time. I don't think I'll ever trust anyone. It's not like he was my purpose. The most difficult thing is knowing my plans are ruined. And I lost all my dignity begging him to come back. And because of what he did. His lies to my friend, to me.

installing it it's just a couple of minutes, pls.

Look, it's hard charging your view of the world because i also had the same view. "Everything is pain", "why life even is a thing". I would consider myself an antinatalist, and in part i am. But after all of the shit i went through everything turned out ok. I know is awful dealing with it, i was on the street with nowhere to go actively trying to kill my self.

The pain doesn't just go away, is transfered to someone else.

where are you from? i would consider a rehabilitation program. It worked for me!

pls, just talk to me.

You know this is a website for people who want to this their own way?
I don't want anyone to change my mind.

installing it it's just a couple of minutes, pls.

Look, it's hard charging your view of the world because i also had the same view. "Everything is pain", "why life even is a thing". I would consider myself an antinatalist, and in part i am. But after all of the shit i went through everything turned out ok. I know is awful dealing with it, i was on the street with nowhere to go actively trying to kill my self.

The pain doesn't just go away, is transfered to someone else.

where are you from? i would consider a rehabilitation program. It worked for me!

pls, just talk to me.

You know this is a website for people who want to this their own way?
I don't want anyone to change my mind.

 

[AllMyDreams]

I don't have time. I don't think I'll ever trust anyone. It's not like he was my purpose. The most difficult thing is knowing my plans are ruined. And I lost all my dignity begging him to come back. And because of what he did. His lies to my friend, to me.

You know this is a website for people who want to this their own way?
I don't want anyone to change my mind.

You know this is a website for people who want to this their own way?
I don't want anyone to change my mind.

Tbh I think lost dignity can be reclaimed. For example, next time you talk to him just say you don't need him and are pursuing your own life, and don't think about him again.

As for plans... I get it's super hard to deal with ngl, I'm autistic so when my plans don't go right it's especially hard for me, and I have to tell myself every day that MOST PLANS DON'T WORK OUT. No matter who you are. I guess the trick is to be able to tell yourself: if all my plans failed, would I still like myself enough to want to live. And sometimes I think that and sometimes I don't

 

[Meteora]

I get that...
Wishing you a safe journey and I hope you find peace.....

Where are you? Seems we're in the same time zone.

 

[tronix]

I get that...
Wishing you a safe journey and I hope you find peace.....

Where are you? Seems we're in the same time zone.

Same country.

Tbh I think lost dignity can be reclaimed. For example, next time you talk to him just say you don't need him and are pursuing your own life, and don't think about him again.

As for plans... I get it's super hard to deal with ngl, I'm autistic so when my plans don't go right it's especially hard for me, and I have to tell myself every day that MOST PLANS DON'T WORK OUT. No matter who you are. I guess the trick is to be able to tell yourself: if all my plans failed, would I still like myself enough to want to live. And sometimes I think that and sometimes I don't

Well. I don't think I could ever talk to him.

It's nice what you're saying, I mean, I understand you want to make me feel better. But as I already said, there are more reasons behind my decision and I just don't think living makes sense for me.

 

[Meteora]

Oh, also country of cheese and chocolat?

Hm.

I for sure don't want to change your mind. I enjoyed reading you here on SaSu and it makes me sad knowing that you leave.

 

[tronix]

Oh, also country of cheese and chocolat?

Hm.

I for sure don't want to change your mind. I liked reading you here and it makes me sad knowing that you leave.

I thought you're from the country of vodka and kielbasa, sorry, my mistake…!

Thanks, I guess. Is it sad that I wish to not be in this pain?
Of course I'm scared, I'm worried, will it hurt, what's gonna happen... Now I'm with my cat, waiting. Probably I'll drink SN after midnight because I'm still writing my note to the loved ones.

 

[Aprilfarewell4]

"You know this is a website for people who want to this their own way?
I don't want anyone to change my mind."

this needs to be respected. i'm sorry you have to contend with prolife right now OP

 

[Meteora]

I thought you're from the country of vodka and kielbasa, sorry, my mistake…!

No worries.

Is is sad that I wish to not be in this pain?

Of course not. There's no connection between the two.
It is no contradiction imo.

How old are you, tronix?

 

[tronix]

"You know this is a website for people who want to this their own way?
I don't want anyone to change my mind."

this needs to be respected. i'm sorry you have to contend with prolife right now OP

It's okay. I know that some people don't get it and maybe for them suicide because of a broken heart and broken dreams is something stupid.

No worries.

Of course not. There's no connection between the two.
It is no contradiction imo.

How old are you, tronix?

I get it. I'm also sad that my friends will be sad. I don't think they will understand. So maybe taking about being sad because of me and my decisions makes me even sadder... I don't know. Sorry.

35. This year.

 

[AllMyDreams]

Same country.

Well. I don't think I could ever talk to him.

It's nice what you're saying, I mean, I understand you want to make me feel better. But as I already said, there are more reasons behind my decision and I just don't think living makes sense for me.

You don't have to talk to him, you can just say it to yourself. And you've got your dignity back even if he will never know it. (Because it doesn't matter if he knows it. Because he doesn't matter).

I mean I don't know you I'm just saying it personally appears to me if you want to keep living there can be a path for you. Whatever you decide I respect your choice. Just be absolutely 100% certain and don't act on impulse.

"You know this is a website for people who want to this their own way?
I don't want anyone to change my mind."

this needs to be respected. i'm sorry you have to contend with prolife right now OP

You can respect someone's choice while also offering advice for them to consider.

 

[tronix]

Oh. And I haven't showered yet. My friend called me and we chatted. I wanted to talk with her for the last time.

You don't have to talk to him, you can just say it to yourself. And you've got your dignity back even if he will never know it. (Because it doesn't matter if he knows it. Because he doesn't matter).

I mean I don't know you I'm just saying it personally appears to me if you want to keep living there can be a path for you. Whatever you decide I respect your choice. Just be absolutely 100% certain and don't act on impulse.

You can respect someone's choice while also offering advice for them to consider.

I don't want to live. I bought SN some time ago and it made me feel in control. Like there's a way out if things will get worse.
Being scared of dying, pain, nausea, or anything else like that doesn't mean I want to live and search for my new own path.

These are just normal and valid feelings when it comes to unknown.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

I don't get why people are like this. I mean... What's the point? Why do they bother so much to be viewed in a particular way?
My ex made a fool of my best friend because she believed his intentions where good. And then, he tells me it's all her fault because SHE MADE HIM DO THIS. Meet with her.

For so long he was telling me lies about sending me an email, making a victim of himself, how sad he is now... But wait, why? He left me. And told my friend he wanted to be stopped. And I tried. Then, now, like... Why some people need that kind of validation? Why do they want to use others to make themselves feel better?
I can only be thankful this psycho dumped me though he wasted three years of my life.

Once he told me he doesn't love me. Straight to my face. I cried. He watched. Two or three months later he says, "I want to have kids, what do you think?" And I'm like wtf you told me you don't love me. But anyway, as usual, I told him that yeah, maybe me too, but thinking about this makes me wonder about our space, home, money, and I feel like we should prepare for that. Then, when breaking up, he tells me that we don't have the same idea of the future. He did nothing along the way, never took it back (the I don't love you thing), never did anything to... Why am I like this.

In like 1,5-2 hours I'll drink SN. And yet I'm here, spending my time to talk about this guy whose only plan was to ruin me completely.

I don't either tbh. I think it's just them trying to make themselves feel better and a desire to feel better. Probably low self-confidence from them, but I have no clue for certain. Luckily, my ex hasn't tried to turn any friends against me. I can't believe he tries to gaslight you so much though!

I think him dumping you may have been a gift in disguise, especially seeing how unhinged he seems. He has no right to be sad, he seems like a bad person and, as you said, he left you!

That 3rd paragraph really shows that he's a narcissist and further cements my mind that he is unhinged and he doesn't deserve you. I don't get how someone can tell someone else "I don't love you" and just watch as they break down and cry, then randomly pop back up with "I want kids." See, that phrasing is bad too, it shows he doesn't care about you. I feel like the proper phrasing is more like "Do you ever want kids," it shows a care for the other's opinion. Again, he doesn't deserve you.

And no one ever feels proud of me

If you actually go through with this, I don't want you to go feeling like that. I'm just some random person, but I'm proud of you, it takes strength to talk about some of the things you've discussed. Good job

 

[Meteora]

I get it. I'm also sad that my friends will be sad. I don't think they will understand. So maybe taking about being sad because of me and my decisions makes me even sadder... I don't know. Sorry.

35. This year.

I get it..... the important is, it fits for you.
___________________

Have you started to drink already?

 

[tronix]

I don't either tbh. I think it's just them trying to make themselves feel better and a desire to feel better. Probably low self-confidence from them, but I have no clue for certain. Luckily, my ex hasn't tried to turn any friends against me. I can't believe he tries to gaslight you so much though!

I think him dumping you may have been a gift in disguise, especially seeing how unhinged he seems. He has no right to be sad, he seems like a bad person and, as you said, he left you!

That 3rd paragraph really shows that he's a narcissist and further cements my mind that he is unhinged and he doesn't deserve you. I don't get how someone can tell someone else "I don't love you" and just watch as they break down and cry, then randomly pop back up with "I want kids." See, that phrasing is bad too, it shows he doesn't care about you. I feel like the proper phrasing is more like "Do you ever want kids," it shows a care for the other's opinion. Again, he doesn't deserve you.

If you actually go through with this, I don't want you to go feeling like that. I'm just some random person, but I'm proud of you, it takes strength to talk about some of the things you've discussed. Good job

He talked to my friend while her intention was to make things work between him and me. She offered him a meeting to just discuss issues with our communication and hoped he will maybe see things differently. And all because of his weird behavior. He could refuse and not meet with her at all. Tell her that he wanted to leave me, left, and there's nothing that can be done. Instead, he spent an hour with her telling her things that made her believe he wants to talk to me. So it's really messed up.

Thanks.

I get it..... the important is, it fits for you.
___________________

Have you started to drink already?

I need to shower first. I'm having some issues with Messenger. I wanted to log out on other devices and for some reason, Messenger doesn't display recent messages. Weird.

 

[Aprilfarewell4]

You don't have to talk to him, you can just say it to yourself. And you've got your dignity back even if he will never know it. (Because it doesn't matter if he knows it. Because he doesn't matter).

I mean I don't know you I'm just saying it personally appears to me if you want to keep living there can be a path for you. Whatever you decide I respect your choice. Just be absolutely 100% certain and don't act on impulse.

You can respect someone's choice while also offering advice for them to consider.

well seeing as they already said they don't want to be talked out of it...it's best to actually respect that since it's their request

 

[Mi Mi]

I know it's not the same but a few years ago I drank a glass of water mixed with salt. A lot of salt. It was supposed to help me with vomiting because I had some stomach issues then. Actually, I still have them. I wasn't diagnosed with Crohn's but there chances I might have it. Which is also fucked up.
Anyway, I drank the salty water and NOTHING HAPPENED. I'm not the person who vomits easily.
However, I have some quetapine and I'm thinking of taking it to feel sleepy maybe? I was prescribed only 25 mg. Does it make sense to take it? Just to maybe feel more sleepy.

And now, I'm also considering doing my hair, my makeup, I don't know. Is it silly?

It'd not silly to do yourself up
I plan on being in my comfy pjs and I love to smell good do I will scent all my stuff and myself
Ad far as the meds go
I would try to get something for nausea
But I agree that meds aren't needed
I think the dose needs to be as close as possible to succeed

 

[Nightthere]

I'm searching SN too... Well, I hope you find what you are looking for. Every person should have the right to pursue their peace, regardless of what that means. Goodbye.

 

[tronix]

I'm having a smoke, maybe two, and then I'll prepare SN.
I forgot about painkillers. So I took it now.

I'm searching SN too... Well, I hope you find what you are looking for. Every person should have the right to pursue their peace, regardless of what that means. Goodbye.

There are some countries where it's easy to get it.
Good luck. And thanks.

It'd not silly to do yourself up
I plan on being in my comfy pjs and I love to smell good do I will scent all my stuff and myself
Ad far as the meds go
I would try to get something for nausea
But I agree that meds aren't needed
I think the dose needs to be as close as possible to succeed

I just took ibuprofen. And I will take some quetapine maybe to feel less conscious, more sleepy. But the dose I was prescribed is really low.

And now, thanks to ibuprofen, I showered (need to wait for one hour) and used my favorite parfume. But I decided not to put on makeup or wear something nice. I'm gonna spend this time in comfy sweatpants with my cat lying on my laps, hopefully.

 

[tronix]

The SN drink is ready. I'm sending a message to one of my friends to call someone in the morning.

 

[Tesha]

Thinking of you and wishing you a peaceful journey

 

[YosemiteGrrl]

keep people posted. the more folks and see the effectiveness of SN, the more it could help others. it's totally effective done right, but many are scared by the horror stories, which i can't personally know the validity of tbh.

Yes please if you can keep us posted and document your journey it would be so deeply appreciated. Wishing a smooth peaceful passing.

 

[Unknown21]

I wish you all the luck. I hope that the journey will be easy and peaceful for you and that you will be able to achieve your peace . Goodbye

 

[restlessdream3r]

I understand. I hope you find peace

 

[zaza23]

Wishing you a peaceful journey

 

[melancholymallory03]

Hi. I haven't been here for a while.
Today is the day. Just wanted to share something.

About two months ago my partner suddenly left me and I don't know why, actually.
We were in touch from time to time, mostly so that he could lie to me and make up stories of how he's suffering right now. Sometimes he was suggesting to me that we still have chances. Sometimes he was awful and said a lot of hurtful things.

I know, it sound stupid to do this because of a guy. But I left my job for him. I had plans. I wanted to find a new job to start a new life, repair a bathroom in my place, sell the apartment, find a new one, bigger one, and then have a baby with him, just like he wanted. And yes, a quiet marriage in the meantime.

I'm not that young. I'm not that lucky. I don't have a loving family. I don't feel, especially now, that I deserve what I wanted to have. I'm unlovable. I've never did anything to him, I don't understand this entire situation. The way he treats me, the way he lies...

He met with my friend recently. The idea was hers, however he didn't have to agree. They met and he lied to her, told her about him suffering, him not being sure about my agenda, him being in so much pain blah blah blah. Obviously, she believed him. And, because he didn't tell her he doesn't want to have anything to do with me (even asked her if I'd like to meet with him and talk), because he didn't tell her about stuff she could take from me and give him back, because of the fact he spent an hour with her, telling her his side of the story, my friend thought that it might be a good sign.

But he lied to her. He never intended to do anything. To talk to me. He didn't tell her anything bad, anything "final", because he didn't want to be seen as a bad person.

I'm ready to understand he's a toxic and bad person who lies to everyone around making a victim of himself while I cannot function. I barely eat, sleep only thanks to meds.

So, it's today. SN waits for me. I bought it a month ago. Today is the day. I've decided to leave a note. A letter. Still writing it. And I'm cleaning my place. Making the laundry. Spending time with my cat and watching The Walking Dead. I need to wait until midnight.

I'm sorry that it's come to this , may you find the freedom you deserve and the peace you seek soon

 

[rozeske]

I hope you are ok if you decided to postpone and think it through. I hope you are at peace either way