Help Do you feel guilty about the ones you’ll leave behind?

[lnlybnny]

In my case I never really cared but as I'm starting to plan to ctb more carefully I'm coming to the realisation that this is real and "palpable ", which is leading me to feel guilty about leaving behind the only person I basically have, that is my mum. We only have each other and I'm scared what will happen to her as she only has me, and I'm an only child to her. I'm sure this would destroy her, even though I'm a disappointment for being neet and we have our lows, I'm starting to feel for her, but I can't live just to please others and not upset them. What would you do?

Please help, I'm not feeling well about this

 

[AkaRed]

All you can do is give her your last thoughts, and let her know she made you feel loved.

I won't be leaving anything for anybody else.

<3

 

[Al_stargate]

Yeah tough predicament. I don't have that problem because I absolutely hate my parents and they are a good part of why I'm in my current situation. In your situation there really isn't any good solution unfortunately as nothing can substitute a child. Maybe she has family on her side that can help her a bit. At the end of day only thing you can do is to try and recover if that's possible.

 

[lnlybnny]

All you can do is give her your last thoughts, and let her know she made you feel loved.

I won't be leaving anything for anybody else.

<3

Problem is: leaving a note or justifying myself isn't in my plans at all, I don't feel anything I'd say would make myself clear and I don't want to

Yeah tough predicament. I don't have that problem because I absolutely hate my parents and they are a good part of why I'm in my current situation. In your situation there really isn't any good solution unfortunately as nothing can substitute a child. Maybe she has family on her side that can help her a bit. At the end of day only thing you can do is to try and recover if that's possible.

Thank you. You're right but I've been feeling suicidal for over 10 years and lack energy to recover, I only see ctb as my hope

 

[nner]

I'm on the same boat. My parents, sister, and girlfriend, would be devastated by me if I ctb. Is the reason I'm still here, I have to suffer everyday to try to let them be happy with their lives.

 

[byebyebabyblue1025]

I have exactly the same concerns as you.
I'm an only child, and I'm the only one for her. There's nothing I can do for her, so I sometimes buying lottery tickets while planning to ctb. I wanna win so I can give her everything before farewell
This is my own delusional, stupid way of getting rid of guilt

 

[lnlybnny]

I have exactly the same concerns as you.
I'm an only child, and I'm the only one for her. There's nothing I can do for her, so I sometimes buying lottery tickets while planning to ctb. I wanna win so I can give her everything before farewell
This is my own delusional, stupid way of getting rid of guilt

This made me shed some tears… I'm so sorry you're going through this too.

 

[J&L383]

Parents both now dead so that's done with. A few siblings but there's no responsibility for that, we all have to die sometime. No children, so that's not a problem either. So I guess I can die with a clear conscience? . Dying is not easy.

 

[PurpleMorality]

Yeah, it's the biggest reason I'm still here. I had a brief period of recovery, and my sister cried when I told her I didn't want to kill myself anymore because she was so relieved. Unfortunately for me recovery didn't last very long, just a couple years before circumstances put me right back where I started. But I was shaken by how relieved she was during that brief period where I didn't want to die, and now I feel incredibly guilty when I think about just letting go, because it's almost like I gave her false hope. Which sucks, because I don't want to hurt her, or my parents who would be devastated, or my girlfriend who I know would blame herself somehow.

That, and my dog wouldn't understand. I don't think I can go before she does; she's so incredibly attached to me.

 

[kindalone]

I've thought about this and it has stopped me in my tracks a few times in my life. People often say that the pain will not disappear. It will just transfer to all the people that cared about me, which sounds horrible. But after all these years of suffering, I kinda grew numb to it. Now I just think, if it was cool that I was taking shots, then it's fine if they are suffering after me, too. My suffering was justified and I had to deal with it. They are all adults. They can take the pain and do whatever they want with it, because that's life, I guess.

 

[sickgirlzis]

yeah, a lot, but also, not at all.
i have extremely high empathy and i feel extremely deeply for a lot of people. even though my mother is the main person in my life i even talk to, she's hurt me so much. she's the main reason I suffer so much, and she has no idea (I think.) despite that, I know it's her first time on this earth. she's still human too, she still wants the best for me, even if what she wants for me isn't what I need and it harms me. she's already poor and doesn't really have much to be happy for. I have younger siblings who are probably barely sentient, and I wonder how it would hurt them. I feel like their life would probably be better without me in it though for various personal reasons. it's complicated. it's hard to describe and i wish I could just say yes or no instead of going on a tangent.

 

[TiredOfAllThis]

I only care about my sister and my cats, especially the tom. He is so affectionate to me...

 

[Evolution9]

Not really,in cases like these i think about what there could be after death.
There are a lot of theories:
-like there is nothing after death,complete darkness.So should i care about my family's feelings? Nope.If there is nothing after it means both happy and sad moments have no meaning,life has no meaning.
-Reincarnation ? Same thing.You will forget your past life,your family too.
-after life ? if its a shared space you will meet them again,you just entered there before them.
and many other more..no one really knows wich one will be.

Its not like i dont care about my family ,its more like should i care ?is there a point to it ?

 

[Redleaf1992]

Yes, it's a big reason why I haven't managed to CTB yet.

You're right that a note won't be enough to justify etc. In mine I will try to write more in terms of asking them to keep enjoying life and do the things that make you happy and move on and forget about me. The last thing I want for them is to be dragged down in life by my death - so that's what I will say.

I will also mention the great things they have done for me and the positive influence on my life (despite the outcome).

 

[worthIess]

hell no, i never asked to be alive lmao

 

[lnlybnny]

hell no, i never asked to be alive lmao

you have a point here haha

 

[LunarLight]

Yeah. My partner is gonna be so, so sad. It makes me cry. But there is no other way out.

 

[UKscotty]

If you didn't care about others you would be a psychopath, caring is human.

Coming to terms with those left behind is part of the CTB journey.

 

[usernamenoonecares]

I thought about the same thing. If I have to care about people who would be sad, I will go nowhere. Sometimes I just have to be selfish. It is what it is. If I am gone, for people I am still in contact, I want to let them know that I am gone. I don't want them to think that I ghost them or anything. I don't want to hurt them that way.

 

[catladyJ]

I only worry about my cat. He's elderly and I've been his primary caretaker and companion for most of his life. I'm hoping to hang on until he passes.
As for the people in my life, I'm far enough along on my journey that I mainly think about how I can soften the blow.

 

[hopeless08]

In my case I never really cared but as I'm starting to plan to ctb more carefully I'm coming to the realisation that this is real and "palpable ", which is leading me to feel guilty about leaving behind the only person I basically have, that is my mum. We only have each other and I'm scared what will happen to her as she only has me, and I'm an only child to her. I'm sure this would destroy her, even though I'm a disappointment for being neet and we have our lows, I'm starting to feel for her, but I can't live just to please others and not upset them. What would you do?

Please help, I'm not feeling well about this

I wish I had some words that would guide you as to what to do but I face the same
Issue and it's a heart wrenching decision.
My mom is 80 years old and it's absolutely killing be to think about the pain she'll go through but as you said on the other hand I can't bear my pain anymore so I don't know what solution is. It's a tough one. I'm sorry I couldn't be of much help but all I can tell you is that you're not alone. If you need someone to talk to you can always pm me

 

[SnackNinja]

Yeah tough predicament. I don't have that problem because I absolutely hate my parents and they are a good part of why I'm in my current situation. In your situation there really isn't any good solution unfortunately as nothing can substitute a child. Maybe she has family on her side that can help her a bit. At the end of day only thing you can do is to try and recover if that's possible.

Interesting how parents don't feel bad about bringing a child in this world to live a life of suffering.

 

[Lookingtoflyfree]

Not anymore.

For the longest time - since childhood - I have stayed alive because I thought me doing CTB would devastate my mother. She's dead. I have no reason to stay anymore.

I have one family member who is going to be broken up by it, but in my note I will explain with data about how autism has ruined my life and I am no longer able to function. The more they will read about it, the more evidence it will be to explain that many autistic people just can't live any more - it's too much, and CTB is actually a way to leave with grace and healing and I won't have to suffer any more.

For so much of my life I was shy, afraid, kind, a people pleaser. Something broke in me after years of traumatic experiences - partners quite literally physically attacking me. Nightmares of partner dying in front of me. My burnout from my most recent abusive relationship has just made it clear that reality on this planet is no longer an option. I am level headed - I am not depressed, and if anything I see a reality far clearer than I ever did before. Something snapped and my blinders of hope are off. He stole my hope when he destroyed my self esteem and insulted me and emotionally abused me. He wanted to destroy me. He won and did it.

Now I have turned into someone who is gleeful at the idea of those who 'were friends' being shocked and upset. They aren't friends - they think they're friends. Maybe my one family member will put a heartfelt post and people will hug each other - we didn't know, why didn't she reach out? I will miss her.. the people who knew I had health challenges, am broke, and without work. I will call them out and ask them if they were friends how on earth did they never call, never email me, never check.

Because they weren't friends.

For the worst of them, including my abuser, I will send a letter with more details, including the fact that CTB was because of them. And they will hear I have died, and will confirm it with my family member, and my death will be my ultimate revenge.

I want him to suffer. I want him to sob and be tortured for the rest of his life for what he did to me. I hope the rest of his days are the misery he gave me. I will be free and he never will be.

This is my survival, to get enough ready to write the letters, source the materials and plan escape. Knowing he will suffer is giving me joy. I have my purpose and way forward. I can't want to put the letter in the mailbox. I will be free the minute it leave my hand.

Goodbye, A. I'm free and your torture gives me joy.

 

[lnlybnny]

I wish I had some words that would guide you as to what to do but I face the same
Issue and it's a heart wrenching decision.
My mom is 80 years old and it's absolutely killing be to think about the pain she'll go through but as you said on the other hand I can't bear my pain anymore so I don't know what solution is. It's a tough one. I'm sorry I couldn't be of much help but all I can tell you is that you're not alone. If you need someone to talk to you can always pm me

aw thank you so much for being so kind, it helps to know i'm not alone <3 i'm sorry you also have this awful issue

 

[Alltheywanted]

I'd only feel guilty for leaving my parents behind as I know they would never get over it if their son killed him self. I don't really care for my friends because I know they would eventually forget me.

 

[LifeIsCrazyNemb]

If you didn't care about others you would be a psychopath, caring is human.

Coming to terms with those left behind is part of the CTB journey.

Great words, totally agree

 

[Red Moon]

Same, that's one reason I haven't ctb yet, my mum will most likely be devastated but I don't know about the rest of the family and it's really my own pain and suffering in the end anyways.

I will try to write notes and letters to leave behind my reasons.

 

[lnlybnny]

If you didn't care about others you would be a psychopath, caring is human.

Coming to terms with those left behind is part of the CTB journey.

sometimes i wish i had no feelings at all, it would make everything easier

 

[theboy]

i am the same as you. i simply live by obligation. i recommend you to seek help to see a light in your life. maybe there is something that can give meaning to your life.

 

[sserafim]

No because I don't feel guilty about anything

hell no, i never asked to be alive lmao

Literally