Help Do you feel guilty about the ones you’ll leave behind?

[lnlybnny]

i am the same as you. i simply live by obligation. i recommend you to seek help to see a light in your life. maybe there is something that can give meaning to your life.

i have no energy to ''seek help'', i'd rather just die

 

[broth0100]

I feel bad for them but i dont feel guilty

 

[karmaisabitch]

Well, I'm here ready to die because I lost my son so you figure out the pain I live with that brought me to this world. My life flipped upside down the day I lost my son. I live now but I'm dead at the same time. When I eat I remember my son favorite food so I stop eating. The place I used to call home is just a place now where I can shower. When the child dies, the parents die too. If anyone tells you other wise, it means they are really selfish and never felt love. My son and I used to be beautiful team but I'm alone now. I'm actually wearing his shirt now. I wish it was me who died. Sometimes I sit in my car just to cry away from people. If I live one more month without my son, I'll literally go insane. The pain makes you even live another world even if you have a million people around you. I feel my heart hurting me it feels like I have a knife inside it. It's out of order and the pain like no other!

 

[Eudaimonic]

Sometimes, but atm I just feel a bit bad about it.

I plan to write a note, I guess.

 

[NeverGonnaEscape]

Nah. I don't have very many people in my life. I cut off contact a long time ago and no one ever made any attempt to reconnect so I reckon they don't care very much. I don't really feel any obligation to anyone.

 

[watchdog]

I will feel bad for leaving my parents behind, them taking care of me might seem like just a waste afterwards. I'm not too worried about anyone else.

 

[restlessdream3r]

I have two kids but I'm pretty disconnected from them. It makes me feel guilty in a way but they have grown up with me depressed and sad for their entire existence so far.

 

[callmebyourname]

Kind of, and sometimes a lot, but the more ill I become the less I am able to think that anyone would really be affected. Or if I do have the feeling of guilt, I am quite disconnected from it, not able to fully reach it. Sorry it's not helpful.

 

[helllcreator]

It's a part of CTB that has been tearing me apart recently. Family have said stuff right before I've had every intention of going that weekend to go ctb and I've had to stop myself, I dread that they will end up thinking what they did or said is the reason I did it. When it isn't but its so hard to try and explain in a note that it's not there fault.
I have sat and wrote note after note for family, but I still struggle and want to add or change parts or worry ive missed important points and such. The notes for my mum or dad could easily fill a sheet of A4.
If only I could genuinely sit down and talk to them in person and have them understand its not there fault that its nothing they have ever done wrong and that reason xyz is why I just can't keep going anymore. But even writing that stuff down it just doesn't feel enough to help them through it or explain things properly. They talked about having me sectioned and thought I would hate or blame them and I wouldn't ever hate or blame them for that. I understand they are trying to get me help but I don't want help I want to be dead.

I guess it's such a hard concept to explain and understand for most people that yes I've had enough and I honestly do not want to he alive anymore. Its not got better with "time" it's not gonna be any better. Whenever life is "good"(not that it is ever that good) I don't trust it. I know something else is coming. Another reason. Another shitstorm I'm forced to endure. Then you get the it's not that bad. Yes yes it is, my life just seems to be a constant ongoing series of holes in a ship I'm trying to patch every single day, week, month or year and I'm running out of tape or whatever rapidly.

I've attempted before and I sent the notes out to people at 3am... for some fucking reason my mum was awake and saw it and rang me right away forcing me to stop and such. They know I'm suicidal and don't want to live that I'm depressed as fuck but I mask so fucking well everyday they don't see it anymore. I don't know if they think I'm fine now or not. But yea family at the moment I'd a major reason, simply because I feel guilty about the pain it will cause them and also I can't figure out how best to try and help them through it.

 

[thot88]

Yes. This is the reason why I'm not doing it right away tomorrow

 

[Abyssal]

Force myself not to think about it.

 

[jacobryan]

Mostly, my daughter. I wake up every day wanting to ctb, but I don't because I don't want to put my daughter through what my dad put me through. And I know eventually, that reasoning won't be enough to stop me. And I'll do it anyway. Because I won't be here and won't have to care about who it affects anymore. But for now, I'm not ctb because of my daughter.

 

[lovedread]

In my case I never really cared but as I'm starting to plan to ctb more carefully I'm coming to the realisation that this is real and "palpable ", which is leading me to feel guilty about leaving behind the only person I basically have, that is my mum. We only have each other and I'm scared what will happen to her as she only has me, and I'm an only child to her. I'm sure this would destroy her, even though I'm a disappointment for being neet and we have our lows, I'm starting to feel for her, but I can't live just to please others and not upset them. What would you do?

Please help, I'm not feeling well about this

I don't know you or your life, and I know you cant live just to please others. But i do genuinely think you should keep going. one person might not feel like a lot. It isn't. You deserve more people that have your back. But I still think you should keep going, even though its hard to find value in yourself for being a "neet". U dont have 2 define urself that way, and just know u cld define urself differently at any point.

Tbh i dont know the full extent of your suffering and the pain youve felt in your life so i cannot tell you with a 100% certainty what i would do in your shoes.

But i can tell you as someone who feels that they have no one at all who would care if they died that that it is an amazing and beautiful thing to have even one person who cares. I def dont think u should feel guilty for how ur mom may feel if u ctb, but idk—she probably cares about you so much and it would probably break her world. Because you are a person with value who deserves care.

 

[Pikmin]

No, fuck everybody else. People only pretend to care when you're gone. I feel worse for my plushies, I don't want them to be discarded and treated like they weren't important to me.