What’s the main thing stopping you?

[asian.neet]

my stingy habits, youtube, and my parents being hawks after hanging myself several times.

gonna try to overcome it tho. i set a goal that i must die by the end of the year this year because fuck this pathetic life.

 

[AerialBoundaries]

Ain't that the truth. I often think damn I wish it would go all to hell so I could just jump without any thoughts of "what if."

Been there. I almost want things to get worse at times, so I have a just reason to end myself.

 

[sserafim]

For me the main thing that stops me is that one time I spoke to my mum and asked her what she'd do if I died. This was way before I ever considered suicide, and she told me she'd potentially end it as she'd feel like she's failed. She didn't mean this to make me feel guilty as she has/had no suspicion. But the idea that my parents would feel like they've failed me or played any part makes me feel so terrible. My parents have been model parents and I genuinely can't think of a single bad thing to say about them, but I know that they wouldn't be able to help but blame themselves. This destroys me and forces me to hold on.
Another large reason is my fear of never ending nothingness, being non religious its so scary to think of nothingness forever. But at the same time whenever I wake up from sleeping in the morning and all the pain floods in, it makes me wish I could experience the nothingness of sleep again.

Fear, risk, and consequences of failure. I'd hate to end up with permanent damage from a failed attempt. The risk of the attempt not being successful stops me.

 

[TransientEternal]

Same reason I want to go in the first place. This being unnecessary suffering.

 

[BrknEyes]

The only thing that is currently stopping me, my dogs definitely. I'm not very nice with my mental issues so I have anger outbursts and just completely shut myself off to everyone. The dogs don't care they just want pets and treats easy haha. That's about it, I hope once I ctb my parents die more inside, but I know that's impossible for them since they are heavy drug addicts.

 

[Bodydysmorphia34]

Getting SN, fear of afterlife and doing my attempt "wrong"

 

[ceriseange♡]

My parents. I love them too much to put them through the pain of losing a child.

 

[Rorochan_200★]

fear of SI kicking in and failure

 

[singularity3]

Fear of failure

 

[アホペンギン]

After nearly 20 failed attempts, I have come to the conclusion that cowardliness is one of the factors that is stopping me.
And I'm also afraid of leaving my friends behind who are arguably the friends that i've always wanted and needed.

 

[Cress]

I have some amount of hope that things could eventually get better And I feel like I just need to explore them at least at the moment. Sometimes I get days Or even weeks where things are really bad and I feel like catching the bus is just on the horizon. I try to avoid it if it feels like it's a really really impulsive decision However. There is a lot of bad things in my life I guess I just cling to the very few and small good things. However that list feels like it dwindles year by year and things become less effective

 

[Praestat_Mori]

What's currently stopping me is my situation is bad but not so bad that I have to CTB urgently. Still some hope for a miracle.

fear of failure, parents still alive, friends

 

[shekindabadtho…]

I don't want my family to find out that I just gave up. I cant control what they're gonna do when I'm gone but I just want to be sure that my body is nowhere to be found or at least make it look like some kind of accident. If they believe that I wasn't responsible for my death then I at least have that last bit of respect from the, but that's if they remember me for long enough.

 

[KillerIsMe]

Just my mother. Although the despair is slowly eroding my care for her feelings

 

[NeedAnEscape]

I hate hurting other people. The only reason I exist is to serve others. By killing myself, I know that I will leave a wound on my loved ones. I have felt so much despair over the past five years, and it feels inescapable. Despite feeling like a burden on society, I cannot escape its confines because I don't want to hurt anyone. And yet, I want to hurt myself so badly, to numb the pain in some way. By ending my suffering, I could experience relief... But I cannot bring myself to end my own life, due to how my death will affect others.

 

[Unhumanly.]

people aren't done consuming me yet and it isn't easy for me to just control it and go

Though I'm also at the process of dissociation

 

[ljknljnlkjn]

Part of me says, because of my mom and sister, and I think it's true that the thought of them finding out is what makes me the most guilty and stops me in my tracks, but also it makes it sound like I'm actually living for them, and this is not true I'm not that selfless.

I'm living for myself because the thought of killing myself scares and hurts me too much right now.

 

[chocosyrup]

For me, it's who I would be leaving behind. This would be so much easier if I was alone.

 

[SSamGarrison]

Ambivalence, my family in some ways. I am very afraid of dying but I am still suicidal because I want to escape

 

[venin.n]

For me the main thing that stops me is that one time I spoke to my mum and asked her what she'd do if I died. This was way before I ever considered suicide, and she told me she'd potentially end it as she'd feel like she's failed. She didn't mean this to make me feel guilty as she has/had no suspicion. But the idea that my parents would feel like they've failed me or played any part makes me feel so terrible. My parents have been model parents and I genuinely can't think of a single bad thing to say about them, but I know that they wouldn't be able to help but blame themselves. This destroys me and forces me to hold on.
Another large reason is my fear of never ending nothingness, being non religious its so scary to think of nothingness forever. But at the same time whenever I wake up from sleeping in the morning and all the pain floods in, it makes me wish I could experience the nothingness of sleep again.

I relate to the morning bit so much…

Can I ask what made you wanna ctb, given the fact that you had great parents?

For me they're the cause of me being here, so I really am curious

Take care

 

[Sylveon]

My parents and the lack of any peaceful method(s).

 

[cartdog]

Thought it would be easier to obtain SN in the U.S. So I guess what's stopping me is setting up a reliable method that I can stomach.

 

[j3n4829]

for me is the pain and my friend that i love so much, i hate pain, i would do anything to avoid it, but at the same time i want it, its so confusing. As for my friend, she has always been with me no matter what, i cant bear to leave her

 

[Kundalini Guy]

The fact that I will suffer in another lifetime if I CTB now

 

[Forever Sleep]

I don't want to do it to my Dad and fear of pain/failing the attempt.

 

[BurningSita]

I still have one person left who I love, and I don't want to traumatise him.

 

[ForeverLonely82]

Wife and Mom. I wouldn't do anything to hurt them. Mom won't last too much longer and my wife's future is questionable. so... whos to say?

 

[StellaSomnus]

Poor RPA (Reliability, Peacefulness and Accessibility) score for methods that are currently on the table.

 

[jessisme]

Lack of access to antiemetics, my Mother and my dog.

 

[scattymessyhuman]

The method being painful, and hurting my loved ones. I sometimes wish my loved ones wouldn't care.