Me too, probably because of my relatives. If I lived alone and did not communicate with them, I would at least make up my mind now. But in fact, I can't stand that I have this feeling of guilt towards them. This is all such nonsense, in fact, that my life supposedly does not belong to me, that I have a responsibility to my ancestors. If you look at it like this, it's their own fault that I grew up like this. They decided to have me one day, while not knowing how to raise a child at all (and the best "upbringing" is to meddle in his life as little as possible and give some kind of assessment to his actions). But maybe, in fact, something else is stopping me. This is not the fear of death, not the fear of physical suffering, but the fear of an act that I have not seriously considered before, which can divide my life into before and after, and perhaps even interrupt this existence. This experience of conscious life here on Earth as a whole is simply terrible, but this is all I had, and then it will only get worse or there will be nothing. And yet, I am afraid that I am so incompetent in all matters, including those related to suicide, that my attempt will not be serious, but everyone will know about it. It will be funny and ridiculous, and I will look like a complete idiot, which naturally, I also absolutely would not want to experience. My thoughts are running wild in my head, but I hope I was able to clearly convey my answer to your interesting question.
