at this point mainly a lack of energy. I got rough plan in mind on how I want to do it but I still need to refine it. I already failed in the past and I'll never forget the feeling waken up a few days later and dealing with my disappointed parents and scared siblings.
I'm broke and live with my mother so can't access SN. But I'm also afraid because some people on this forum claim that SN is painful. I would go to Dignitas but it costs like 10k Euros and they can still reject you after you paid the first fee which is around 4k. I have the feeling that I will be stuck being misaeable until I die naturally. I seeiously wish the "vaccine" just killed me.
Moonchildx13
Member
- Jan 11, 2022
- 7
Fear of failing... My last attempt ended with me in ICU for a week. It was extremely traumatic.
Trilucid
Member
- May 25, 2022
- 69
Some sort of hope I guess for a change that may or may not happen.
Heartaches
Don't say a prayer for me now
- May 6, 2021
- 270
My friends, even if I don't get to see them often; reading, music, drawing, writing; My mom and my dog, I don't want them to be sad; food, taking photos of the sky, not being able to accept death yet.
Fear of reincarnation and coming back to where I left off keeps me from offing myself.
Inferno
Member
- Jan 9, 2023
- 79
stermc
libertas quae sera tamen
- Nov 24, 2022
- 946
onceuponadec
I am a poor wayfaring stranger
- Dec 23, 2022
- 107
My grandparents, they still need me. My GM just broke her hip 2 weeks ago and needs help to recover. My GF had a stroke and a heart attack, he is getting better but needs help with things throughout the day and his memory is not the best anymore.
They are the only reason I'm hanging on.
They are the only reason I'm hanging on.
wait.what
no really, what?
- Aug 14, 2020
- 994
WorthlessTrash
Worthless
- Apr 19, 2022
- 2,430
Waiting for my mother to pay me back a lot of money (2k) so I can try to get back into my hobby I lost interest in last year, even though it will not even come close to make up for the fact that I was born the wrong sex. It won't keep me alive until natural causes would kill me off, and at best it will delay my CTB by about a few months.
Supersadmommy90
Student
- Sep 24, 2019
- 186
I'm giving life one more year to unfuck itself too, been an incredibly bad and gruelling recent couple of years and I can only take so much seems like
My kids, my business goals, and the hope that I might enjoy or even be able to tolerate and deal with life again someday (for the past couple of years it's become so awful and difficult that it's lost a lot of meaning)
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Ineedtodie
Shame, Avoidance, hopelessness, lonliness, cbt, pm
- Nov 9, 2022
- 401
Meds help a bit. I started taking long walks , my anxiety is high but i might succssid in getting a job in few months if i lessen my anxiety a bit with few other factors improved. loneliness, depression and having no value is heartbreaking having to deal with violence and life trapped in a meaningless hierarchy of dominance. If i keep patient i might get get my chance to avoid cbt.
My wife, My daughter, and the Philadelphia Eagles, can't go until I see if they get to the Super Bowl...
EternalOblivion
But does anything matter if you're already dead?
- Jan 13, 2023
- 50
Aside from fear of botching an attempt, I suppose mere curiosity is enough. Occasionally I will ask myself: … but what if it does get better? At this point, I'm not sure if that's delusion or stubbornness on my part.
Drunk
New Member
- Jan 17, 2023
- 3
LadyApple
We just want to go home early.
- Feb 17, 2020
- 117
arcadia
.
- Jan 5, 2023
- 138
Might sound dumb, but Final Fantasy XVI isn't out yet. Can't die until I play that, and after that - I can't die until I play Persona 6, and then so on and so forth. Thinking like this, as stupid as it may seem, saved my life last year. I lost a lot of friends, and my family have always hurt me, so this hobby is all I have left.
Life gets hard, and I often do have periods of feeling hopeful before returning to suicidal ideation, but even if I regret not ending things sooner, I don't want to give up. I don't want to throw away my chance at life, no matter how bad things get, I can always get stronger. I deserve to see another day. Even if things get worse, I hope I have the strength to carry on. If not then, I tried my best, and I'll be content with that. Everybody has a limit.
Life gets hard, and I often do have periods of feeling hopeful before returning to suicidal ideation, but even if I regret not ending things sooner, I don't want to give up. I don't want to throw away my chance at life, no matter how bad things get, I can always get stronger. I deserve to see another day. Even if things get worse, I hope I have the strength to carry on. If not then, I tried my best, and I'll be content with that. Everybody has a limit.
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stermc
libertas quae sera tamen
- Nov 24, 2022
- 946
Some days ago I would say "my family" (and they still kind of do keep me from doing it), but I am reconsidering it and I think I am ready. There is no need for me to be here anymore. I know they will be fine and they expect me to do it someday, so.. yep. Guess it's almost time.
epic
Enlightened
- Aug 9, 2019
- 1,812
Hoping my diagnosis would be wrong + would traumatize my family/friends + SI + some damn good pizza .
knowheretorun
Member
- Apr 11, 2022
- 14
well first off, it's in human nature to cling onto life. evolution wouldn't happen without that. in my experience though, it's mainly just a general tiredness and fear of pain/agony. can barely call myself functional, i would not last a day on a job. i will never be able to go through, since i would describe my life experience as wanting to get away and disappear, hibernate until things go right, be trapped in a bubble with dopamine fuel like the internet, videogames etc etc. so yeah just neetbuxxing. if only it was that easy.
Ineedtodie
Shame, Avoidance, hopelessness, lonliness, cbt, pm
- Nov 9, 2022
- 401
Well I'm m chronicly depressed, agoraphobic, have psychotic symptômes, suffered complex trauma, can experience mood swings ostracized, alone. What's stopping i take meds they keep me in check a little bit and benzo Wich relax my body. I have a chance of getting a badge to be taxi driver, permanent for 5 years. So if i successeed in reducing my symptômes until then. I might reconcider.
hungry_ghost
جهاد
- Feb 21, 2022
- 516
Fear of whatever obstacles or entities exist in the afterlife, and needing to know as much as possible about this reality so that I don't come back here.
I'm afraid of leaving my dog. And then my Guinea pigs. Even though they'd probably have a better life without me.
Zulu
Member
- Aug 10, 2022
- 55
Sans
Protesting the conditions of an inhumane world
- Oct 2, 2019
- 349
As of the last few days, I've been feeling like I want to prioritize reaching a solid conclusion on a long term creative endeavor I'm in the midst of. Who knows what will happen or when but this is keeping me motivated to stick around a while longer. Besides that, my parents still weigh heavy in the equation but I may have already typed that in an earlier post here.
