Discussion Anyone else struggle with chronic detachment and emptiness?

[red_cardinal]

Does anyone else have this constant, chronic sense of separation from the world, people, and, sometimes, from themselves? Even though I've been in a good place mentally, emotionally lately, I've improve my physical health, too, a little, this detachment never goes away, and it comes with apathy and misanthropy sometimes.

I have high empathy, yet I have this profound sense of sadness and despair when I sit with myself, this overwhelming sense of sorrow, for lack of a better word. Even if I feel content with my own life, even if I've had the best day ever. It's always there, and it makes me feel like I have a glass wall between me and the world around me, my loved one(s), and my physical body. I'd believed it was depersonalization & derealization until very recently, and I still believe that, but with a dose of skepticism and inquisitiveness, but it feels ever-present.

A moment that has stayed with me over the years is when I was playing badminton with a group of friends when I was about 11. We were outside, in the countryside, and the sun was setting. I stopped when I noticed the sunset to admire it, I was a little transfixed, in awe, so I pointed to it to show my then-BFF. And she rolled her eyes and was like 'whatever, let's keep playing', she dismissed me. I felt that sense of separation between me and the others that moment very strongly, like I was looking at them while inhabiting some human-looking robot, the glass wall felt thicker that moment.

I've never had a moment when I felt like I can 'go through' the glass wall and actually live in reality. Not even when I have strong emotions - on the contrary, I feel even more floaty when I have intense emotions, positive or negative, and reality feels hazy. Sometimes, this distance also comes with apathy, and it's like nothing can excite me or make me feel alive. In fact, I don't know what it means, to feel alive, because I have this constant 'buffer' between me and reality, and I can never penetrate it.

Can anyone relate? I am not depressed, and I've always felt like this.

 

[c0tard]

Does anyone else have this constant, chronic sense of separation from the world, people, and, sometimes, from themselves? Even though I've been in a good place mentally, emotionally lately, I've improve my physical health, too, a little, this detachment never goes away, and it comes with apathy and misanthropy sometimes.

I have high empathy, yet I have this profound sense of sadness and despair when I sit with myself, this overwhelming sense of sorrow, for lack of a better word. Even if I feel content with my own life, even if I've had the best day ever. It's always there, and it makes me feel like I have a glass wall between me and the world around me, my loved one(s), and my physical body. I'd believed it was depersonalization & derealization until very recently, and I still believe that, but with a dose of skepticism and inquisitiveness, but it feels ever-present.

A moment that has stayed with me over the years is when I was playing badminton with a group of friends when I was about 11. We were outside, in the countryside, and the sun was setting. I stopped when I noticed the sunset to admire it, I was a little transfixed, in awe, so I pointed to it to show my then-BFF. And she rolled her eyes and was like 'whatever, let's keep playing', she dismissed me. I felt that sense of separation between me and the others that moment very strongly, like I was looking at them while inhabiting some human-looking robot, the glass wall felt thicker that moment.

I've never had a moment when I felt like I can 'go through' the glass wall and actually live in reality. Not even when I have strong emotions - on the contrary, I feel even more floaty when I have intense emotions, positive or negative, and reality feels hazy. Sometimes, this distance also comes with apathy, and it's like nothing can excite me or make me feel alive. In fact, I don't know what it means, to feel alive, because I have this constant 'buffer' between me and reality, and I can never penetrate it.

Can anyone relate? I am not depressed, and I've always felt like this.

yeah. the never feeling like you're living in reality thing is real as hell. the first time i can remember the feeling was way back in elementary school, though i assumed that was what was normal. me and a friend call the feeling Almond now, after an inside joke. the constant apathy and disconnection. it helps us feel less... guilty? about it?

the way i see it, being human is some fucked up form of seeing the world. everyone has their own experiences, and nothing is really normal. whatever way you experience life and love and happiness (or, the lack of all those three) is right. because you're living it.

 

[GodzillasBiggestFan]

yes. i have been depressed always but the past 8(?) months i have felt like this. i feel like everything is distant and not real