What changes to your life would need to happen for you to not want to ctb?

[Rollo]

Ye I hope you can find a way out yourself also, not easy to be without hope. I was using Tramadol because I realised it made me much calmer, I also began using Valium without being smart enough to read into its addiction liability. Made a lot of mistakes in order to control how I felt, I'm sort of ashamed to admit it but I miss opiates, benzo's never really helped and coming off them a year ago was horrendous. I suppose opiate addiction would just be another form of suicide and it is irrational to desire, but when death seems like a good idea then thoughts of drugs sometimes crop up. I have no access to get them so haven't used for a long time.

Oh opiates are a bliss that's for sure. An artificial one and one with a price but a bliss still. I can easily see how one can get addicted. Personally I did Tramadol and Oxycodone total 20 or 30 times and never got addicted. It's actually funny cause both I did perfectly legally. First I tried Tramadol. I'm from Russia and believe it or not in late 90s tramadol was legal here (probably cause it's not a classic opiate and govt needed some time to figure it out and ban it). So anyone could have bought in the pharmacy. First I tried it when my friends bought it, then I remember being in 9th or 10th grade and one day just casually entering pharmacy on my way to school and asking for it. Girl was like 'do you have a prescription?' and I was like 'but I don't need a prescription, it's an over-the-counter drug', and she knew it so had no other choice but sell it to me. And in several months the program was aired on TV where they were lamenting how drug addicts were freely buying the thing, and shortly after it was banned. And I did Oxycodone when my doc prescribed it to me after I did a nose job in US. Took only a couple of pills and then the pain was gone, but sure thing I took the bottle back to Russia and even had enough to share it with a friend. Apologies for OT.

 

[Rollo]

Winning the lottery would also help. Appearance doesn't matter if you've got absurd wealth.

Why are you saying it won't matter? I mean this way you can get a gold-digger, but for a genuine thing to flare up a girl have to like you for other reasons anyway. Is your problem you're aiming for honeys out of your league (looks wise)?

 

[Deckchairs]

I'd have to get a decent career that I could take tolerate and a significant other. I don't think either one is attainable.

 

[ninaevol]

If I stopped breaking down crying because of every little thing. If I was less sensitive and more stronger emotionally. Less clumsy and socially awkward.

If I was financially stable and independent from my dysfunctional family. Had my own apartment and could live the way I wanted to. Pursuing a career I was actually passionate about..

I feel like either way I'd ctb because of my overactive mind: always worrying about things, overthinking, etc. Oh and cause there's no point to any of this

 

[Tiburcio]

I would need to forget everything I've experienced in my life and being able to live of something I love. It won't happen.

 

[Mr2004]

I'd take that as second prize. Forgetting everything that's happened since 2004. Wouldn't change my life but would change how I feel

 

[Mr2004]

Which in turn I suppose could change my life. I guess what I meant was it wouldn't change what had happened. The question is does it still matter if you don't know about it? That's a whole topic in itself

 

[Rocky M]

I wish my former friend and I could be good friends again. I know she would let me move in with her as an escape from my family (she's truly an angel) if we were still on good terms.

I really hope I can talk to her at some point before I go. We don't even have to make up (although that would be nice), I just want to talk to her.

 

[Mynameisnotimportant]

It's an arbitrary list because I know even if I had these things I would still want to ctb

1. Have what I feel is a Normal Ammont of friends

2. Being able to live how I want

 

[FullFat]

I'd have to be someone else entirely. My personality cannot happily exist. There are things that would make me feel better, but I'll never be content with this brain in this body on this Earth.

Same boat. My last depressive episode made me finally understand the simple truth that has been staring me in the face since I was just a kid - I will never be happy. It's not the world that's the problem; it's me.

 

[Volatile]

I'd have to be someone else entirely. My personality cannot happily exist. There are things that would make me feel better, but I'll never be content with this brain in this body on this Earth.

That really does sum it up. If I was given a mansion, it wouldn't be long before I started hating it

 

[Volatile]

enough money so i can leave my country and live safely away from it, and getting a job as
well

What country?

 

[Comatose11]

My genes and past would have to be very different. I made some mistakes that I cannot recover from. If it was possible to redo those parts of my life and have had inherited different genes (I seemed to only get the bad ones), I would maybe give life a try. I would also have to have good mental health. People who have no mental disorders have no idea just how lucky they are.

 

[Delia]

What country?

france!

 

[Brokenanddeadinside]

to not be homeless to not be fucked in the head and to have my bipolar and bpd treated.

 

[Brokenanddeadinside]

and also to somehow recover from all my horrible mistakes.

 

[Kev]

a certain girl wanting to be at least friends with me

Speaking from experience, that's not the best idea. I secretly fell in love with my best friend, and I was pretty sure she wouldn't reciprocate my feelings, so I went months without telling her, hanging out with her almost every day, having fun, making memories, and falling deeper and deeper in love. It was not healthy, and she became my world. When she finally found out and told me she didn't have feelings for me, even though I was expecting it, it completely and utterly shattered me. I had already been suicidally depressed at that point, so after that I was 100% sure I was going to CTB. The only reason I didn't was because she felt so bad for me that her depression came back and she started self harming again, and I knew she had attempted suicide years ago, so the thought that she might follow me if I killed myself restrained me.

The whole thing was really damaging to both of us, and I hate myself for all the shit I put her through. I got over her eventually, and we're still good friends, but definitely nowhere as close as we used to be. I think she resents me for making her go through that, and I don't blame her.

Deep infatuation and rejection from someone you love are perhaps the two most powerful feelings one can experience. It will warp your mind and cause you to think irrationally, and so if you become friends with this girl and spend time with her knowing she would never be with you, you are just going to obsess over her more and more and become even more disappointed and drive a rift between you two.

 

[Speedhax]

I want to go simply because I don't feel anything making me want to stay. I'm too sensitive for my own good, and I can't control it at all. People call me as emotional as a robot but they don't know I'm desperately trying to hold it in.

 

[Pallf]

What would make me stay:

1. Turning straight
2. Having a higher IQ
3. If I were normal, not weird
4. If I were a healthier person

Probably some more stuff, but i can't think of any at the moment.

 

[TAW122]

There are many things that would have to change for me to not want to kill myself.

1. Legalizing voluntarily euthanasia at the federal level and expanding the criteria (not only limited to terminally ill patients) at which any sane, legal adult is able to access the service. Protecting any doctors and health-care professionals from legal action should they choose to do so while punishing pro-lifers and anyone that violates, obstructs, interferes (in any way, shape, or form) the patient's decision to die as well as the patient's medical decisions.

2. Having an Universal Basic Income for all legal adults, regardless of income level. This allows everyone to have money, unconditionally and there is still incentive to work in order to earn more money.

3. Having housing for all legal adults, which should solve the homeless problem.

4. Ability to get around the Asperger's and ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) condition. In other words, being able to get the same benefits as well as privileges and advantages that non-Aspergers people have. Also, not being discriminated and socially ostracized due to the conditions (almost sounds paradoxical and unlikely to happen though).

Even with all of that, I may simply just get bored or tired of life and decide that death is better than to keep living forever.

 

[Suicideisnirvana]

Waking up as an attractive person.

 

[overkill]

Speaking from experience, that's not the best idea. I secretly fell in love with my best friend, and I was pretty sure she wouldn't reciprocate my feelings, so I went months without telling her, hanging out with her almost every day, having fun, making memories, and falling deeper and deeper in love. It was not healthy, and she became my world. When she finally found out and told me she didn't have feelings for me, even though I was expecting it, it completely and utterly shattered me. I had already been suicidally depressed at that point, so after that I was 100% sure I was going to CTB. The only reason I didn't was because she felt so bad for me that her depression came back and she started self harming again, and I knew she had attempted suicide years ago, so the thought that she might follow me if I killed myself restrained me.

The whole thing was really damaging to both of us, and I hate myself for all the shit I put her through. I got over her eventually, and we're still good friends, but definitely nowhere as close as we used to be. I think she resents me for making her go through that, and I don't blame her.

Deep infatuation and rejection from someone you love are perhaps the two most powerful feelings one can experience. It will warp your mind and cause you to think irrationally, and so if you become friends with this girl and spend time with her knowing she would never be with you, you are just going to obsess over her more and more and become even more disappointed and drive a rift between you two.

I feel you.

 

[haipyo]

Not existing would erase my desire to ctb. Or I guess getting rid of my propensity to question why things are the way they are and my existential dread would change my mindset on life.

 

[mattwitt]

$50,000.00 would be a good place to start for me.

 

[Bandzbandz]

$50,000.00 would be a good place to start for me.

All the money in the world wouldn't make me change my mind. It's funny.

 

[Kev]

Waking up as an attractive person.

Yup. Being ugly is where all my insecurities and problems with life have originated from.

I have taken a lot of high level university biology courses, and it boggles me as to why it is evolutionarily advantageous for certain facial feature shapes to be more attractive than others. What does possession of a strong, straight, medium-sized nose, or a defined jawline have anything to do with genetic fitness? How the fuck is that going to help you survive in the wild and protect/produce better offspring? Why are big eye sockets more attractive than small eye sockets when both do the exact same fucking thing as well as the other? Obvious any glaring abnormalities that impede function should be considered unattractive, but an ugly person's face can see, breath, smell, taste, and hear just as well as an attractive person's face.

There have been multiple academic studies as to why certain facial features are more attractive than others, and no one knows jack shit. We can figure out how to land on the moon, but we can't figure out this. Maybe because they don't fucking matter and it is not indicative of evolutionary fitness at all. So, why, WHY, is it the number one factor in determining how successful you are at fulfilling your singular natural purpose and ultimate biological goal??

It's fucking absurd and it infuriates me that something as stupid and arbitrary as this has caused me, and I'm sure many others, so much suffering and pain.

 

[Bandzbandz]

Yup. Being ugly is where all my insecurities and problems with life have originated from.

I have taken a lot of high level university biology courses, and it boggles me as to why it is evolutionarily advantageous for certain facial feature shapes to be more attractive than others. What does possession of a strong, straight, medium-sized nose, or a defined jawline have anything to do with genetic fitness? How the fuck is that going to help you survive in the wild and protect/produce better offspring? Why are big eye sockets more attractive than small eye sockets when both do the exact same fucking thing as well as the other? Obvious any glaring abnormalities that impede function should be considered unattractive, but an ugly person's face can see, breath, smell, taste, and hear just as well as an attractive person's face.

There have been multiple academic studies as to why certain facial features are more attractive than others, and no one knows jack shit. We can figure out how to land on the moon, but we can't figure out this. Maybe because they don't fucking matter and it is not indicative of evolutionary fitness at all. So, why, WHY, is it the number one factor in determining how successful you are at fulfilling your singular natural purpose and ultimate biological goal??

It's fucking absurd and it infuriates me that something as stupid and arbitrary as this has caused me, and I'm sure many others, so much suffering and pain.

I don't think there's any scientific reason behind why certain features appeal to us more than others. I think it's mainly cultural. Truth is, I'm colored and a lot of people out there even in colored communities that believe what makes you beautiful is having predominantly white features. Even if you're dark as fuck, a straight nose or a symmetrical face or whatever you would like to classify as white is more appealing. Things like lightskin vs dark skin Africans run deep in MY own family roots. So, I think white features have been idealized as beautiful because they've been masters or rulers and have determined other races' fate for years. That's just my perspective.

 

[Kev]

I don't think there's any scientific reason behind why certain features appeal to us more than others. I think it's mainly cultural. Truth is, I'm colored and a lot of people out there even in colored communities that believe what makes you beautiful is having predominantly white features. Even if you're dark as fuck, a straight nose or a symmetrical face or whatever you would like to classify as white is more appealing. Things like lightskin vs dark skin Africans run deep in MY own family roots. So, I think white features have been idealized as beautiful because they've been masters or rulers and have determined other races' fate for years. That's just my perspective.

That sounds equally as absurd to me. So humanity collectively decided who gets to fulfill their romantic and sexual desires and who gets to go literally fuck themselves based on the shapes our facial features make and the concentration of some random oxidized amino acid (melanin is produced by oxidizing tyrosine) in our skin. Dark skin is literally a health and fitness advantage. It protects you from UV radiation damage, prevents skin cancer, and stays healthy and taut for longer. Another example of this is how we consider Asian eyes to be ugly; they're unique in that they have an epicanthic fold, an advantage that protects the eyes from the excessive brightness caused by reflection of sunlight onto snow. And blue eyes are considered very attractive, yet they are a genetic disadvantage, causing the eye to have more trouble with glare and bright lights. So humanity has deemed genetically advantageous traits to be unattractive and genetically disadvantageous traits to be attractive? Ridiculous. Fuck this world.

 

[MAIO]

If I enslaved the world.

 

[Bandzbandz]

That sounds equally as absurd to me. So humanity collectively decided who gets to fulfill their romantic and sexual desires and who gets to go literally fuck themselves based on the shapes our facial features make and the concentration of some random oxidized amino acid (melanin is produced by oxidizing tyrosine) in our skin. Dark skin is literally a health and fitness advantage. It protects you from UV radiation damage, prevents skin cancer, and stays healthy and taut for longer. Another example of this is how we consider Asian eyes to be ugly; they're unique in that they have an epicanthic fold, an advantage that protects the eyes from the excessive brightness caused by reflection of sunlight onto snow. And blue eyes are considered very attractive, yet they are a genetic disadvantage, causing the eye to have more trouble with glare and bright lights. So humanity has deemed genetically advantageous traits to be unattractive and genetically disadvantageous traits to be attractive? Ridiculous. Fuck this world.

What I'm trying to say it's NOT about genes. None of my family members have mental illnesses and none of them are predisposed to mental illness at all.. here I am wallowing in my depression to the point where my body has stopped fighting infections properly.
Did I ask to be this? No. Is it in my genes? No. It just is.