What changes to your life would need to happen for you to not want to ctb?

[Unloved soul]

I just need to be with my crush in school, in the best case forever and after death too. That's all i want. I would live poor, have 0 friends and nothing, but if me and her could live a happy life together, then this wouldn't be life, it would be a foreverlasting dream. She is my everything.

 

[Sha70]

Purpose in life and long term man in my life who deeply loves me.

 

[Kev]

"no u"

Anyway I'll go engage with people who are intelligent enough to have a proper scientific discussion.

Ok have fun bud

 

[deshper]

I used to want things that I thought would make me happy and not want to ctb but I feel i've gotten to a point where I no longer want anything at all. I feel very done with life and everything it has to offer. Great question though, makes you think.

 

[dandan]

Thanks for asking. Today i'm thinking "Fuck it man, I'm alright, i've got no serious shit problems, and my problems are not big enough."

yeah, I got social issues, no friends, lack of conversation, but more specially, lack of thoughts, creativeness and ideas.
Ideas about what to talk about with people, ideas to build, to create, to have fun... I wish I had them.... if I did I wouldnt be here.

Besides being a psychiatry patient since 18yo, im 36 now. I've had ETC, tried every medication available, and still nothing helped me.

Besides all that, I wish I had a way to make money, coming to work from 8 to 6 is killing me, specially because Im envious that I was a member of a Bitcoin Early Investor group... but I lost my job, went sick, addicted, had an accident, jobless, and my family wouldnt helped me, they told me to sell my Bitcoins when they were worth $40usd....

I would have been a millionaire, I would be okay, if I found a way to get an extra income besides work... so I can buy a house one day... im living to give money to other people... that needs to change... I need to build a way to create wealth... I feel like a victim of the system... plus I lost my money what a looser... that would need to change...

 

[esclava]

More than enough money to live comfortably alone, and drastic change to my appearance. Still not sure how much that would help

 

[dandan]

yeah, I've been thinking... I wanted to ctb since before I made money......
when I had money..... I wanted more, therefore losing it all...
now that I lost all my money.. all I want is a money enough to go out of the 8 to 6 job from monday to friday.......
I live to work, like many people on earth, and I cant stand it...

how can money , well is not money, is just being slaved by the new slavement system called job, and loosing my money makes me feel like an idiot ..
I dont want to live life like this....

I wish I knew how to setup a small side business... damm... im still thinking ctb is my best logical solution... why... its only money and half of my life spent at an office

 

[Quinlor]

I wanted a girlfriend that never asking me about my past or future...

 

[Fucking loving it]

Getting my bipolar under control
My daughter alive

 

[Noitu x Love]

Ok have fun bud

You too kid.

 

[Your Own Ghost]

I just need a brain transplant. And then after that I need a body transplant. That's all. Well maybe after that I'd get a puppy, too.

 

[Hopeless_soul]

I don't need anything. I had everything (I wanted in my dreams)... I damaged it... I promised myself I was going to do better, but couldn't. And I will never try again. Ctb is the only answer.

 

[divaangel]

Go back to 2004 and never break my ankle. That led to the addiction of 8 years and the development of bipolar. Though I've been clean and sober almost 7 years, my mind has never been right since.

 

[dandan]

I don't need anything. I had everything (I wanted in my dreams)... I damaged it... I promised myself I was going to do better, but couldn't. And I will never try again. Ctb is the only answer.

I'm on the promise part again, I'm picking up my 2nd bottle of N, and also with a promise of doing better, I know it has been a challenge... Hope you find relief, one way or another

 

[Hopeless_soul]

I'm on the promise part again, I'm picking up my 2nd bottle of N, and also with a promise of doing better, I know it has been a challenge... Hope you find relief, one way or another

Thank you, pal. I won't find relief ever... I can find some good ephemeral moments from time to time. I thought I found something very special, but I lost it. My fault... I'm just damaged.

Good luck to you too. Whatever you choose.

 

[dandan]

Thanks man, I know I've tried ctb before and failed , that's why N is alright...

I am doing a "5 meo DMT" or Bufo Alvarius therapy, it has been a really intense experience. Just wanted you to know, if that doesn't help me fix myself , then I got N.

Thank you, pal. I won't find relief ever... I can find some good ephemeral moments from time to time. I thought I found something very special, but I lost it. My fault... I'm just damaged.

Good luck to you too. Whatever you choose.

 

[Hopeless_soul]

I am doing a "5 meo DMT" or Bufo Alvarius therapy, it has been a really intense experience

Whatever works, really. I hope that works for you. Indeed it sounds pretty intense. I didn't know about it. I aint got N. I'll be using the inert gas method, or if I'm too drunk or whatever, just use tons of xanax and other things and a plastic bag.

But first, it's always worthwhile to try to see life for a little longer. I don't know...

 

[dandan]

For me to not CTB I'd have to enjoy life , and for that to be possible I'd had to...
Be capable of speaking fluently, having a sense of humor, and the most difficult have the right mindset!! It's so hard.

 

[Kev]

You too kid.

Sooo why do you want to die?

 

[Suicide_friend]

I found a good job and my muscle pain in the neck and shoulders are back. So to try to fix it I need to exercise a lot on free time. When I go out to meet friends I don't feel happy. Maybe to find a partner would help me, but it is impossible. I already tried a lot to find a guy who I feel attracted but it is so hard. I have social anxiety and I am unhappy Pearson.
Regars my muscle pain I need to use comfortable clothes, so I feel so different from other girls who use beautifully clothes, and I am unable to use them because they unconscious and I feel pain.

I found a good job and my muscle pain in the neck and shoulders are back. So to try to fix it I need to exercise a lot on free time. When I go out to meet friends I don't feel happy. Maybe to find a partner would help me, but it is impossible. I already tried a lot to find a guy who I feel attracted but it is so hard. I have social anxiety and I am unhappy Pearson.
Regards my muscle pain I need to use comfortable clothes, so I feel so different from other girls who use beautifully clothes, and I am unable to use them because they are uncomfortable and I feel pain.

 

[CornerE]

Living away from my family and leave them for good , well do.
specially that they have always been the main reason I wanna ctb .
some of them do all they can to push me to end my life as they always leave me with no other option .
no matter what I do to fix the shit they push on me , they always find away to ruin it back and waste all my efforts .
they are so toxic , malicious , sneaky and stincky liars .
I wish I can make sure they can never find me , know anything about me or hurt me ever again . but that is always unpossible
.

ofcourse I wanted to be safe and never again get harrased, abused , bullied or violated .. I have had my share of this and I think that's enough . but eeeh , not in that world .

I mean , the worst thing about family that makes patriarchy really evil ; is that you don't get to choose your family but still you don't get to choose to unfamily them .
They will always be your family , you have no choice here . not that I have choices elsewhere . specially if you're cursed to be born as a female in my society .
you can leave your mean friends , spouse , neighbors ( move out ) , colleagues ( leave that job ) , ... etc .

but that is not an option with family , specially in my case .

I know that there is always bad people everywhere , but I can always avoid getting involved with anyone . never get close .

I learned to love being alone without feeling lonely .

 

[Carma]

They just offered to double my salary and let me work several days from home, I refused, I quit, I want to leave this world, I said I was going to 'another better place' haha, no lie there.
I've been going to the gym every morning the last 7 months, got quite ripped, still, not a good reason enough to live (and I'm burned with society, relations, people in general, very unlikely that I would meet anybody of my frecuency, and even less likely that she wouldn't be burned and tired and damaged already).
And I've been on a very healthy and energetic diet the last year.
And I moved to a lovely town, with chimney, living alone with nice views, still, nobody to share it with.
There's no guarantee it can go 'well' for a time, how funny after decades of suffering!
And the damage is already done, inside, your first decade and a half make you, you can't undo the character, damage done there.
Now I found good ways, and I'm going to take them, I wish I had discovered this sooner.
I cut relations with my family some months ago and that's the best decision of my life, such freedom.
I didn't want to quit my job, I even feel bad for leaving them, that only points to how brutal the brainwashing is and how my good hearted, selfless nature is exploited.
Or that coming home alone was worse than being busy in the office, I helped people there, got some recognition, for doing technical useful stuff.. for worthless companies who lie, cheat and waste resources. Coming home to what.. face the questions of existence, of this world, the absurdity of it all, the humiliation of being trapped in a human body that needs to eat, pee constantly, to cut your nails, go to the bathroom, buy food, pay bills, see ads everywhere, listen to rude people on the street, listen to the lies of politicians and corporations on the radio on every bus, taxi you take, even walking the street?
The more selfless you are the less sucessful the 'bribes' of life will be.
What if I can help more from 'outside'?
What if being here is a 'vote' to keep this world alive? You can bla bla speak all you like but actions are what matters. id on't want to support the existence of this evil creation.

 

[Lost]

If some ppl would change and forgive me .

 

[Noitu x Love]

Sooo why do you want to die?

You couldn't comprehend it.

 

[dandan]

You couldn't comprehend it.

great answer.


yeah, maybe I wont either, but I love to make a try....

I find it interesting,,,, that are deep interwined or difficult to understand reasons why would someone want to ctb....

me, because no matter what... I've had a bad life until now, except my looks which were useful to find some girls and fit in, but my mind is not so cool.... and my mistakes.... oooh my mistakes and their consequences doomed me.

 

[Kev]

You couldn't comprehend it.

Uh huh. You may just be the most condescending person I've ever exchanged words with over the internet, and that's saying a lot.

Why don't you want to post your reasons? I'm just curious what drives someone like you to suicide. My guess is that you think you're "enlightened" in some way and subscribe to some fucked up philosophy about humanity and your reasons are derived from that. Hence the "you couldn't comprehend it" comment.

 

[ZixivaldYrxes]

-Solving "THE" issue, confronting the shadow self, you know what I mean. There's something that's not working right in there, only have an inkling of what it is. Seems impossible right now.
-Gaining some level of independence. Mentally, emotionally, physically, in all ways. Having that freedom to be separate from the things I want to be separate from and being okay with it.
-Purpose. Doing my own thing and having a thing to do on my own, having something to be proud of. Self-actualization, I guess.
-Not feeling at odds with everyone and everything all the time.

But, I think that even if my life and I are "fixed", I will still find something. Life wouldn't be less messed up just because I learned how to embrace it.

 

[r0_]

to get my old life back, basically. where i have enough money to do what i want. when i travel a lot i am least unhappy. also, to get my alcoholism under control. now when i have money i legit drink 24/7 to the point where i randomly pass out and do stupid shit. i hate that side of me because it made me hurt and ultimately lose the girl im still in love with.

 

[OpheliasFlowers]

• be healthy (I've had poor health since I was a child, but it's taken a massive nosedive in the last 20 years. I have no idea what feeling well and strong and NOT being sick/in pain/terrified every. single. day is like. I think healthy people with dependable, pain-free, beautiful bodies must be the luckiest people on the planet)
• have an income of my own and be able to take care of myself financially and not be dependent on ANYONE for anything, which would also then allow me the freedom to make decisions about my own life, live where I want, etc.
• get out of this terrible marriage I feel trapped in (see above)
• have a purpose in life/reason for living that gives my life meaning and direction
• have at least one person I feel a true connection with and who I feel understands me and actually WANTS to be around me/be friends with me/be in a relationship with me

At this stage of the game, though, I know none of these things are possible for me. I lived many years holding out hope (i.e. deluding myself) that one of the above might happen...but there is no hope anymore.

 

[EddieAllenPoe]

I honestly just need a decent job and enough money to secure a place to live. Plus enough money to give me "breathing" room for all the stupid debts and bills that I've accumulated. It makes me sad I don't have many friends and my only family is old and dying... but I mean... I could always join a church or buddhist temple or something and be friends to other people who are lonely. So, honestly? I think I just need money. Maybe I'll go buy a lottery ticket.