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sunny cat

sunny cat

punpun feels just fine today
Feb 27, 2019
15
i don't really want anything. i don't want to be alive as myself in this world— even if my situation was better and i had my traumatic memories and mental illnesses erased, i still wouldn't want to live. because life is not for me, plain and simple.
 
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DrownedOctopus

DrownedOctopus

Experienced
Mar 2, 2019
246
I've wondered this a lot.
I honestly don't think anything would change my mind.
I'm going to marry the perfect man for me, we have a beautiful daughter, I workout every day, I go to school and finish classes, I eat well, and I generally do everything I've read and was told to do to help make my wanting to die stop.
Money changed nothing, my dream of becoming a mom didn't either. (She was in no way planned, I tried to prevent her from happening because I knew I didn't want to burden a child to grow up without a mother. I love her dearly, she is my everything, but life just isn't for me) I've been to therapy before and tried everything I could to be someone my daughter can rely on. She deserves that much.
I don't think having the perfect life makes a difference. I don't think getting what you want does either, it's just your mindset.
Some people just want to die no matter the circumstances.
 
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gunsforhands

gunsforhands

lost
Feb 25, 2019
23
It would be enough for me if I could just lose a lot of weight and find some good friends and get a normal social life... But it's so hard with an eating disorder and anxietys/low self esteem.

I mean, I don't see the sense in life anyway, I don't want to have kids because this world is pure shit so why am I alive then, but it would be okey for me to life if it was just normal.

I know that I'm not in a completely hopeless state so I wanna try to fix my life at least before I consider cbt
 
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M

Mybattle

Member
Feb 27, 2019
54
Brain recovered from psych drugs, and depersonalisation gone...
 
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X

xb243

Member
Feb 20, 2019
40
Take me back to who I was before I was destroyed by psych drugs.
 
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D

Deleted member 1768

Enlightened
Aug 15, 2018
1,107
For myself, I think the change I desire most is my face. I hate the way my race looks, and in addition I am below average for my race. It has caused me to experience constant failure and rejection when all I have ever wanted was to love and be loved. Even being a bodybuilder, having a nice haircut, great hygiene, stylish and well-fitting clothes, etc. cannot fix my appearance apparently. Obviously my race and face cannot be changed, which is why I want to CTB.

Winning the lottery would also help. Appearance doesn't matter if you've got absurd wealth.

Also, meeting someone whom which we would have mutual attraction and compatible personalities.

All are impossible or have very little odds of happening.

But for you guys, don't say "nothing"! Surely there must be something that would want to make you stay, no matter how ludicrous. I'd bet waking up with godlike superpowers would change anyone's mind.
Have they invented time travel? If not, then I would have to say
For myself, I think the change I desire most is my face. I hate the way my race looks, and in addition I am below average for my race. It has caused me to experience constant failure and rejection when all I have ever wanted was to love and be loved. Even being a bodybuilder, having a nice haircut, great hygiene, stylish and well-fitting clothes, etc. cannot fix my appearance apparently. Obviously my race and face cannot be changed, which is why I want to CTB.

Winning the lottery would also help. Appearance doesn't matter if you've got absurd wealth.

Also, meeting someone whom which we would have mutual attraction and compatible personalities.

All are impossible or have very little odds of happening.

But for you guys, don't say "nothing"! Surely there must be something that would want to make you stay, no matter how ludicrous. I'd bet waking up with godlike superpowers would change anyone's mind.
Unless they have invented time travel...nothing.
 
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DivorceIsMyWhy

DivorceIsMyWhy

Member
Feb 27, 2019
23
If I could:

1. end other people's hurt
2. end the hurt other people cause each other

...that would make me happy.

Most hurt manifests from the absence of love at a very young age; and is passed on from one person to another. Adult to child. Child to child. Adult to adult. And so on.

It is an unfortunate element of the Human Condition that is 100% avoidable.

In other cases, hurt is borne of disease or disability. In these cases, curing disease or disability would make me happy too.

And where hurt is not curable or caused by a natural disaster - simple acts of acceptance, love, compassion, help, and respect would be a good start.

Everyone is capable of being kind to others. Even Donald Trump (with some direction, coaching, and therapy).
 
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Kev

Kev

Student
Aug 18, 2018
124
You LARPing or something? Where is this "proof" at? Smells like a bunch of fuckery to me. Batty boi.

You can do your own research if you want, as I have. I don't need to justify my struggles to you.
 
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Noitu x Love

Noitu x Love

Lone Wolf
Feb 13, 2019
35
You can do your own research if you want, as I have. I don't need to justify my struggles to you.
You haven't done research. Or you wouldn't be so inaccurate. But whatever. I'm over it now. And you just want attention like Charlie Puth.
 
Kev

Kev

Student
Aug 18, 2018
124
You haven't done research. Or you wouldn't be so inaccurate. But whatever. I'm over it now. And you just want attention like Charlie Puth.

I have. It's clear that you haven't, otherwise you wouldn't be so inaccurate. Are you trolling or are you actually just an asshole? Are you seriously accusing someone of attention seeking on a suicide forum? People who want to die come here to discuss their deep-rooted issues and reasons they want to die with people who can understand, and here you are trying to invalidate my issues and accuse me of attention seeking.
 
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Ch92921

Ch92921

The call of the void
Dec 29, 2018
909
If I got killed or has to die accidentally or infectious. Yes its true, nothing will change my mind for wanting to be dead.
 
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bayonetta97

bayonetta97

Member
Feb 28, 2019
10
living in a city, i hate living in a village.
 
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S

Suicide_friend

Member
Feb 22, 2019
22
I think maybe if I was born in another Pearson Bo maybe. Every times I try to go out to some people meeting I come back home feeling bad. This the reason I isolate myself. People dont treat me well even when I try to dress up well and try to be sympatich Pearson. People always act or say something that makes me fell bad.
 
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Kev

Kev

Student
Aug 18, 2018
124
Oh. I get it. Youre just stupid. At first I thought you were dishonest, but anyone who asks if people would seek attention on a suicide forum (especially when a user allegedly did just that claiming to have taken lethal amounts of sn) must be riding the short bus. Moreover I don't need to do research because, unlike you, I get out in the real world and get my research done that way. You might wanna try it sometime instead of flaunting your woe is me crap. This site is emo enough already.

You act like you know me. You don't.

1. You clearly misunderstood what I was saying. I know people seek attention on this site, me included. That is perfectly okay and a human thing to do. Clearly if they are suicidal they are deprived of attention to some degree. This site provides a place of solace for people who feel like they can't talk to anyone else without assholes like you invalidating their issues and serving up platitudes. Since your comprehension is lacking a bit, let me reiterate and be a little more blunt: you're being a real dickhead by trying make people feel bad about attention seeking since that is one of the main purposes of this site.

2. Again, you don't know me. I get out plenty, and rest assured my life experiences have supported my conclusions. I have a science and engineering background, and I can tell you clearly don't know what proper research is, since experiences in "the real world" are anecdotal and if anyone relies purely on anecdotal evidence for their conclusions, they are the stupid one.

3. Get off your fucking high horse dude. "Self-Improvement Junkie" LMAO ok buddy. "This site is emo enough already"?? Do you even know what forum you're on? No fucking shit Sherlock people are gonna be gloomy and depressing here. Get out of here if you don't like it. Man you're dense.

Like seriously dude, can you muster up even the tiniest shred of self awareness or empathy and realize that your 'high and mighty' bullshit and invalidating the issues of other people on a goddamn suicide forum is doing nobody any favors? This is a community full of people who are suffering deeply in their lives, and the last thing we need is egotistical people like you who try to make others feel even worse.
 
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R

Roberto

Wizard
Jan 19, 2019
684
I'm not sure. I would like to work without people saying I'm slow. I would like to make computer programs, but I don't have the license (I worked 8 years as a programmer). Currently they ask for the license always.I would like to have a girlfriend and feel that she loved me. I would like to be accepted by my family. But ... if I achieved these things, I would destroy that ... when you are depressed and have low self-steem and hate yourself, nothing works. I would like that the world accepted that only the best survives. I don't have energy and neurons to complete the things right. Sorry ... I can't see another solution than ctb.
 
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Noitu x Love

Noitu x Love

Lone Wolf
Feb 13, 2019
35
You act like you know me. You don't.

1. You clearly misunderstood what I was saying. I know people seek attention on this site, me included. That is perfectly okay and a human thing to do. Clearly if they are suicidal they are deprived of attention to some degree. This site provides a place of solace for people who feel like they can't talk to anyone else without assholes like you invalidating their issues and serving up platitudes. Since your comprehension is lacking a bit, let me reiterate and be a little more blunt: you're being a real dickhead by trying make people feel bad about attention seeking since that is one of the main purposes of this site.

2. Again, you don't know me. I get out plenty, and rest assured my life experiences have supported my conclusions. I have a science and engineering background, and I can tell you clearly don't know what proper research is, since experiences in "the real world" are anecdotal and if anyone relies purely on anecdotal evidence for their conclusions, they are the stupid one.

3. Get off your fucking high horse dude. "Self-Improvement Junkie" LMAO ok buddy. "This site is emo enough already"?? Do you even know what forum you're on? No fucking shit Sherlock people are gonna be gloomy and depressing here. Get out of here if you don't like it. Man you're dense.

Like seriously dude, can you muster up even the tiniest shred of self awareness or empathy and realize that your 'high and mighty' bullshit and invalidating the issues of other people on a goddamn suicide forum is doing nobody any favors? This is a community full of people who are suffering deeply in their lives, and the last thing we need is egotistical people like you who try to make others feel even worse.
Not going to reply to any of your pseudo-intellectual diatribes (points 1, 2 or 3). Funny that you're a scientist and yet you embody a disgrace to science at the same time. Not only were you wrong about your NiceGuy(tm) rants about race (which were grossly off the mark, in my opinion), but you don't say anything with any intellectual weight. That's why you poke fun at my signature, because you lack the spine to improve in even ONE area of your life, let alone the most pertinent ones.

The purpose of this site is not attention-seeking, and people who do that get no sauce from me. That's how it is. Leave if you don't like it. The site is to give those teetering on the edge of self-termination a listening ear, an understanding community, and a pro-choice, judgement-free zone on which to rant and speculate. Only a major moron, such as yourself, would justify attention-seeking on a site like this when I could easily pull up a RECENT thread in which people's tempers run hot for someone (allegedly) doing that. I may need to work on my awareness, but you're so dense and unaware you can't even keep up with RECENT happenings on a community you're part of.

Originally I wanted to spank you because of your "woe is the Asian man" comment, but now I see you're all kinds of challenged. I'm thinking your ignorance is why no one wants to date you, not your race. By the way, produce that "research". I'd love to peek at it.
 
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Broken Widow

Broken Widow

Wildlife crisis
Aug 20, 2018
36
My husband would have to come back to life, I'd have to have enough money to survive, and have good health.
 
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GeorgeJL

GeorgeJL

Enlightened
Mar 7, 2019
1,621
For myself, I think the change I desire most is my face. I hate the way my race looks, and in addition I am below average for my race. It has caused me to experience constant failure and rejection when all I have ever wanted was to love and be loved. Even being a bodybuilder, having a nice haircut, great hygiene, stylish and well-fitting clothes, etc. cannot fix my appearance apparently. Obviously my race and face cannot be changed, which is why I want to CTB.

Winning the lottery would also help. Appearance doesn't matter if you've got absurd wealth.

Also, meeting someone whom which we would have mutual attraction and compatible personalities.

All are impossible or have very little odds of happening.

But for you guys, don't say "nothing"! Surely there must be something that would want to make you stay, no matter how ludicrous. I'd bet waking up with godlike superpowers would change anyone's mind.
Well I am going to end my life when I am close to being an old man. But for me to postpone that even longer I would have to have my pain condition cured, and my tinnitus cured. That would be enough for me. But if I really want to go all out, I would like to have a family on top of that with a decent income.
 
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Kev

Kev

Student
Aug 18, 2018
124
Not going to reply to any of your pseudo-intellectual diatribes (points 1, 2 or 3). Funny that you're a scientist and yet you embody a disgrace to science at the same time. Not only were you wrong about your NiceGuy(tm) rants about race (which were grossly off the mark, in my opinion), but you don't say anything with any intellectual weight. That's why you poke fun at my signature, because you lack the spine to improve in even ONE area of your life, let alone the most pertinent ones.

The purpose of this site is not attention-seeking, and people who do that get no sauce from me. That's how it is. Leave if you don't like it. The site is to give those teetering on the edge of self-termination a listening ear, an understanding community, and a pro-choice, judgement-free zone on which to rant and speculate. Only a major moron, such as yourself, would justify attention-seeking on a site like this when I could easily pull up a RECENT thread in which people's tempers run hot for someone (allegedly) doing that. I may need to work on my awareness, but you're so dense and unaware you can't even keep up with RECENT happenings on a community you're part of.

Originally I wanted to spank you because of your "woe is the Asian man" comment, but now I see you're all kinds of challenged. I'm thinking your ignorance is why no one wants to date you, not your race. By the way, produce that "research". I'd love to peek at it.
  • ignores the other person's points and discards them as "pseudo-intellectual diatribes"
  • yet again attacks intelligence with no basis
  • again acts like they know me and what I have/have not done
  • continues to misunderstand the point I am trying to make
  • finishes with another baseless attack on intelligence
Fantastic points, really convincing. I've met people like you before, who have no real weight to their words but rather try to win an argument through insult after insult. It's ironic because "pseudo-intellectual diatribes" can be used to describe the entirety of your reply, again indicative of your lack of self-awareness. Attack after attack with no basis, but fantastic vocabulary and articulation. You should be a politician! Like legit almost every sentence you wrote includes an insult, its actually kind of hilarious now that I think about how juvenile that is. It's also ironic because I've made numerous posts on this forum on how I used to practically live my life with self-improvement as my paramount priority, but sure, keep acting like you know me and formulating a straw man to attack. I made fun of your signature not because I do not hold the principle of self-improvement in high regard, but because it's cringey as fuck and leads me to believe that you have an ego problem.

Again, you misunderstand what I am saying. They say third time's the charm, so let me try again. Attention seeking in the form of faking an overdose to get likes and replies is not justified. Attention seeking in the form of revealing personal issues and wanting to be listened to, like you said, is the purpose of this site. I did not do the former, only the latter. And then in response to that, you tried to tell me the issue I've been experiencing firsthand that has brought me to the edge of suicide is nonexistent with absolute zilch for evidence then proceeded to hurl insult after insult. THAT is what makes you an asshole.

In trying to not sound like a post from r/iamverysmart, all I will say is that one area in my life that I actually am confident in is my intelligence. I've proven it to myself and the people in my life, and I feel no need to prove it to you. So you can keep disregarding my points on the basis of me being a "moron" and "challenged" if that makes you feel better about yourself. It does not bother me, I only take issue in the fact that you tried to make me feel worse when all I did was share the primary reason for my depression. On a suicide forum, that is a heinous sin to me. Even if you truly believe the problems the other person is facing is imaginary, being an asshole about it to a suicidally depressed person is appalling and you should be ashamed.

Here's one example: https://wilkes888.wordpress.com/2013/02/08/my-final-blog-entry-love-you-all/

I wish you were correct in that there was no significant bias against Asian men in the dating world (then I wouldn't even be here!), but you simply are not. Once I posted on a dating forum seeking advice and mentioned that I was an Asian man living in a western country, and not one but four people told me essentially that it was hopeless because of how undesirable Asian men are to western women. Of course, I already knew that but the point of me telling you that is to show you that it is relatively common knowledge.

Now, if you can actually produce some evidence of your own instead of going on a juvenile tirade of meaningless insults, I'm all ears.
 
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BlackDragonof1989

BlackDragonof1989

Mage
Jul 12, 2018
526
I'd want people who have hurt me a lot even though I may have deserved it to apologize, and if they were a flame that I fell hard for to want me again (though I know that's rather silly to be upset over such things, unrequited desire, I won't call it love anymore but I do have such rose colored idealism sometimes, poisoned by fairy tales perhaps as the Eagles singer said was that Don Henley) as I tend to always apologize but fear I don't mean it. I get stuck on those who are very cold or display narcissistic traits, I melt like butter and grovel but tend to either take for granted or even mistreat those who are too clingy or nice, mistreat as in be distant, as I lose my feeling of a goal or conquest. I like a challenge but only when I know the person isn't just messing with me to be mean or enjoys my pain and has no nice feeling in them for me. I'm a mess but it really helps here people can be so nice or clinging and I really don't mind it, I know we're able to understand and empathize what these suicidal and for me at least angry thoughts which I try to invert back on me can feel like. It hurts when there's no closure, that's the hardest thing for me.

Also hugs everyone in the thread warmly
 
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M

mxe is the best

Member
Mar 11, 2019
10
my own apartment or small house, and 3 or 6 months to get healthy and on my feet. after this i feel like i can be a great provider to my family and community. just now im not in a good place.

ptsd and asd, while have infringed my life of relationships and being social, there not too bad for me. i mean they are, but

for ptsd - i learned to forgive, as hard as it was. it's just easier to forgive the ppl who hurt me. i learned to turn myself into the monster who hurt me. but turn myself voluntary into that monster, and use it for good. learned this from a jordan perterson lectures.

for ASD - i can pass as normal most of the time, but im not. i find the best thing for me is to make jokes about it. , it useed to be my biggest insecurity.. but now i make jokes about it... like calling it the 'tism and stuff like that.. or when i doing something obv autistic, i will be like 'im not autistic' to ppl as a joke. when i obv am.
 
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Jc40

Jc40

Specialist
Mar 3, 2019
354
I'd have to be able to cope with my low moods, to not be a burden on people in my life, to go places I don't know alone, not be clingy and not to be ultra sensitive
 
Noitu x Love

Noitu x Love

Lone Wolf
Feb 13, 2019
35
Uh Huh. Nice one there. Basically what your baseless rants amount to. Since you're a child I'll say you're wrong about your "research" in dating biases and end this here. Youre clearly not emotionally mature enough to debate and it's clear you want attention--good or bad. I'll deny your supply. ;)

Let me know when you can have a mature conversation.
 
Kev

Kev

Student
Aug 18, 2018
124
Uh Huh. Nice one there. Basically what your baseless rants amount to. Since you're a child I'll say you're wrong about your "research" in dating biases and end this here. Youre clearly not emotionally mature enough to debate and it's clear you want attention--good or bad. I'll deny your supply. ;)

Let me know when you can have a mature conversation.

This was never a debate, only you childishly saying "no you're wrong and stupid" over and over again. Oh well, this was a good time killer I guess. If you were trolling, then you're quite good at it. If not, then your hypocrisy and lack of awareness is hilarious.
 
YukiFox

YukiFox

Pastel demon
Dec 8, 2018
320
Personally, if complete my hormone therapy and live legally as woman makes some changes on my mind, well, I reconsider to take my own life.
Another thing is finding a huge success on fiction market. But even the love of my future fans can't make me desist to kill myself.
 
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R

Roberto

Wizard
Jan 19, 2019
684
Personally, if complete my hormone therapy and live legally as woman makes some changes on my mind, well, I reconsider to take my own life.
Another thing is finding a huge success on fiction market. But even the love of my future fans can't make me desist to kill myself.
A big hug with lots of energy!!!
 
dysfunctional

dysfunctional

Arcanist
Oct 26, 2018
459
Time machine or possibly getting a good job- but that's a maybe.
 
L

lupin333

Member
Jan 15, 2019
19
For me it would be having my mother and father alive again. Its one of those things even at a young adult age you dont recover from. When I was in elementary school my mother died in front of me and things really changed. My father has passed away since, it's been extremely difficult to grow as a person without them. I'd also need to change my social anxiety, benzo addiction, money situation, personal habits and so much more. Even if I could fix/get those back. I would still have a very little support system. I'm pretty much gone :/
 
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Noitu x Love

Noitu x Love

Lone Wolf
Feb 13, 2019
35
This was never a debate, only you childishly saying "no you're wrong and stupid" over and over again. Oh well, this was a good time killer I guess. If you were trolling, then you're quite good at it. If not, then your hypocrisy and lack of awareness is hilarious.
"no u"

Anyway I'll go engage with people who are intelligent enough to have a proper scientific discussion.
 

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