Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[Ferdinand Bardamu]

I feel like shit. Life's getting better, or at least it was. I got a bf (online, but whatever), I've been reading a lot, but fuck I just feel like shit. I fear admitting this, but my biological parents were drug addicts. Now, because they couldn't just fucking die of AIDS, I'm stuck with a plethora of health problems. And sure, everyone says I'm smart. I'm not joking when I say that. But I doubt it. I'm horrible at mathematics, my grades fluctuated between above average to dogshit (that mainly depended on whether I found the subject interesting or not). Everyone's better than me. Smarted, more literate, articulate, and just in general better.
God just fucking kill me...

 

[Sethy]

Hopelessness, just feeling like my, life is, crushed, today i get to a seller of SN so i cam get it even cheap, but also scared, i dont want to die it just feels like i have to. I hate these feelings. I just want my old life back.
Hopelessness, just feeling like my, life is, crushed, today i get to a seller of SN so i cam get it even cheap, but also scared, i dont want to die it just feels like i have to. I hate these feelings. I just want my old life back.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I need another job. Even without her there at work I always feel like everyone is judging or condescending towards me. Mostly I just want free time back but even if I quit I would just wind up having to go back to taking care of my sister again. I need like a minimum of 90 days where I do absolutely nothing that requires any form of responsibility or higher thinking. Then and only then do I think I could cure my burnout.

 

[CatLvr]

Exhausted. For whatever reason it took every ounce of energy I had this morning to take care of my pets. Some days are just like that. My pain levels are affected by so much, 9/10ths of it outside my control.

I spent the rest of the day trying to find that sweet spot in between where my meds make me feel too affected that I do not want to drive, and me hurting so bad I couldn't get down the sidewalk to the car -- never mind actually being able to start it and DRIVE -- to get myself to the pharmacy to pick up my prescriptions. Only to find that, contrary to what the website and the automated phone messages said, the pharmacy was closed. I realize there is a shortage of pharmacists but damn you'd think a national chain could update their website (which is individualized to each store) and auto phone message (or switch it off so you could talk to a REAL person). Now I gotta figure out if they are even gonna be open tomorrow. And if not, when the pharmacy is gonna be open Monday. What a PITA!

Well, would you look at that?? Apparently I am ANGRY, too!

 

[catmanandrobin]

Tired. Hurt. Useless. Scared. Ashamed. Guilty.

 

[PinballWizard39]

I'm one fuck-it moment away from acting on my CTB urges.
I called the MH out of hours line this afternoon. It took an hour on hold to get through - I could have taken SN and died by they time they answered.

Apparently I need 432hz music and Joe Dispenza in my life, as well as allowing myself to imagine all the things I'll never have.
Not quite the push over the edge I needed, but I'm closer than I was. One more call perhaps? lol

 

[enduringwinter]

I've been lying to my family about everything I'm doing for 2 years now and I cannot sustain it much longer. It's not like I wanted to in the first place, if I hadn't I would've suffered much more. I wish I could delay the suffering indefinitely.

 

[3/4Dead]

god I fucking hate my job
I hate my life
i hate this body
one more year before I plan on dying
so fucking tired
don't want to do anything anymore
haven't cut in a while, been sober,
feeling the need to take the edge off somehow or another
everytime I go outside I just feel worse than I ever have, each time,
I feel sick everytime I get to my front door
I feel so sick everytime I hear my own voice, or catch myself in the mirror,

a kind of exhaustion sleep cant fix and a kind of anger nothing seems to extinguish
i don't want sleep, or weed, or a break anymore, I want to be dead
I'm ready to be done.

I'm such a burden to everyone, I'm useless and only make everyone's life harder,
I don't want to be a burden to anyone
I don't want to be anyone's problem, or anyones source of stress

i'm just so fucking tired, and so frustrated

 

[Gangrel]

Dreading work tomorrow

 

[BlendedHeart]

I have no energy, barely even to post here. Woke up and immediately cried after. I'm so lonely. I hate to feel. Why didn't I die while sleeping? Maybe if I keep being sedentary, that will happen soon.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I feel so miserable and nauseous. I always have a headache and I can't think straight or focus well. Life is hurting me so much and I feel like somebody who has a toothache and is being denied treatment. I'm going insane and all of the stress and pressures caused by life is overwhelming me immensely. I don't have any coping mechanisms so I just wait for my pain to go away naturally but it only goes away temporarily whilst I'm asleep. It's unfair at how cats can be asleep for 18 hours a day whereas humans can only be asleep for 8 hours per day. Every waking moment of my life is suffering and I want it to stop but it won't because the problem is that I'm alive. I get scared that I'll be forced to continue surviving because I'm too scared to kill myself. Thinking about this has almost caused me to have an autistic meltdown. I don't want to deal with any responsibilities. I can't handle it.

I'm in so much pain and nothing can be done about it. The only cure for my pain is death but society isn't merciful enough to give me that easily

 

[kinderbueno]

I'm a horrible person I keep on getting angry and arguing I hate this I hate this why do I always hurt people like this I hate how short my temper is nowadays, everything makes me snap I'm at my breaking point I just wish I could end it all

 

[CTB Dream]

This wrld rly awfl all need monye

 

[Thanatos]

Hopelessness

 

[Chrysalis]

I feel afraid of the possibility that the same weakness and indecisiveness which have contributed to me shutting myself away from the world in the first place will never actually allow me to CTB. Afraid of being trapped in limbo for decades, not alive and not dead, while regrets mount, my body wastes away, and everything crumbles around me.

 

[Guy089001]

Miasma. Agony

 

[Lullaby]

Had my ECT session today and legit almost cried before they put me under.

I have a really great doctor I've been working directly with, but the senior one is such a weirdo everyone dislikes.

He barged his way into our conversation when he overheard me talking about how I wasn't doing well, so he asked me why I was smiling lmao like what? Literally who fucking says that.

I have to mask and smile to stop from breaking down and that nearly tipped me over.

I can't wait to get back home and just hide in bed.

 

[OutOfThisBody]

I'm almost excited, but nervous at the same time, like before bungee jumping or something. I hate being in a woman's body and how weak it is, how nervous for my safety it makes me feel, and how limited it is in ability, and I can't wait to leave it behind. I can't wait to see what lies beyond this boring world.

 

[PinballWizard39]

I'm about to sign up for a charity abseil down the front of the hospital I work at. Bit tame for me though, but fuck it.

 

[franzkafka]

Hopeless. Had a job interview that I don't think went that well. I'm unemployed and soon out of money, I have 2 good friends that help me out with money from time to time and rent, otherwise I will be dead without them lol

I'm stressed because of this and I'm chain smoking my lungs out which in turn fucks up my health and my money that I don't have anyway. Vicious cycle.

 

[N33dT0D13]

I am actually a bad, shallow, manipulative person. And that's okay.
I'm going to induce an early death specifically because I hate myself, it may upset people in the moment or to not hear from me but they'll get over it, and that's also okay.

 

[purpleSkeleton]

annoyed. it's social media again and how just everyone can use it and get away with everything. I wish i could torn their heads out of their bodies sometimes,. you know, like a call of the void kind of feeling or fantasy... you see those people that are pacifists or whatever and say "don't worry, someday they will find someone that won't tolerate their stuff and they will get what they deserve"? I sometimes wish someone could give me an excuse and become the one that finally lost their temper.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Do ever get the urge to just go out of your way to purposely screw over your mental health? I keep on finding myself wanting to do that. I don't know why I tricked myself into thinking that I'd somehow get anywhere in life. Deep down inside, I knew every bit of the "I'm going to get better" stuff was bullshit, but I still tried to convince myself otherwise. At least I feel better than before, but I know that this will only be temporary. It's always temporary. I always end up back where I started, back where I'm meant to be. I can already feel it all coming back. I think this is just an innate part of me. It's something that I cannot change. All those nasty parts of me that I hate and that make me feel like shit are there to stay. They are ingrained in my being. No matter how hard I try, there isn't anything I can do about it.

 

[Lady Laudanum]

I just had a psych ward admission turn into a medical admission because the food was too gross to eat and I've only eaten a few crackers and a bit of apple juice for 2 days in a row already. I have a chronic eating disorder so my blood sugar and electrolytes get messed up pretty quickly. They don't even have a room for me in the medical ward so I'm in the hallway getting IV fluids, wearing a paper gown. Classy. Fuck my life so much.

 

[nattanatta]

Feeling miserable, and at the same time kind of empty. Not really capable of feeling almost any joy at all anymore. Life has become an utter mess, the only person who was able to help me is gone, and I honestly see only one way out of this hell now. I'm so fucking tired, I just want to feel at peace.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I'm scared that if I stay alive I will eventually have to take care of my mother since she's very likely going to develop Alzheimer's or dementia. Her memory has already been going as of late and she's only 58 years old. I don't even know what I would do if I was forced to be responsible both for her and for my autistic sister. Where could I even leave my mom at? Theoretically she could retire in Taiwan but then who'd be able to be handle her there? Granted this is probably something I wouldn't have to worry about for at least 10 or so years but it's still scary to think about.

 

[Eternal Pessimist]

Problems piling up one after the other, things just keep getting worse for me. I can't wait for all of this to be over. I don't want to feel anything anymore.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

He hasn't responded to me in days. At first, I thought that he had grown tired of me but it's just now hitting me that the last this had happened he was in the hospital. Now I'm worried that he might be in the hospital again. I'm also stressed out because I'm going to be failing my next two exams.

Isn't life just wonderful?/s

 

[samdocheon]

I think about what people think about my ctb.
If I leave a note, it will not have impact bc they think already i'm "sick" and that's all.
I should don't care, right , but idk. I wish my death will be very painful for family who hurts me but be clear that will not happens , they just don't Care.

I think I'm just curious about how they will justify that...

 

[Gangrel]

Annoyed with life.