Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[James34]

I feel tired, angry at myself and the world, and wish there was something I could do to end the pain or change the world forever in a better way.

 

[LoiteringClouds]

This forum has a thread "Counting game" and I noticed it makes a huge difference. Even when you have no energy to post anything here, you can post (last person's number + 1), and your post shows you're alive. It shows you're not dead.

In this forum, where people are often in life-or-death situation, it's significant. When people come back here, I'm relieved, although sometimes I feel guilty about it because I wish nobody to suffer.
I think it might just show I'm (still) human, and I feel guilty about it - as many people here point out, some human beings are callous fiends. They will never call us friends.

 

[cgrtt.brns]

im drunk and listening to music and its raining outside and this feeling is bearable. i wish i felt like this all the time. i still want to die but its not physically painful. being sober fucking sucks. being conscious fucking sucks. i hate having a brain. i wish i could die right now so my last moments were kinda nice. but i know im gonna wake up tomorrow and crash back down to reality. i hate this. i just want to not exist.

 

[StolenLife]

I wish I could talk to and help some users on here but man am I bad with words and comforting people.

 

[symphony]

Overwhelmed, lonely, on the verge of a breakdown, overwhelmed, can't cope, can't take it much longer

 

[Zegers]

Just another similar day

 

[CTB Dream]

Pain all brain this rly awfl

 

[delora]

Coming down (I hope) from a pretty bad anxiety attack right now. It's late and I doubt I'm going to get any sleep tonight.

The worst part is that it appears to come in waves. Right when I think it's done, it comes back in full force. I have trouble breathing properly. The tears burn and soon overflow, streaming down my cheeks without permission. Everything around me seems muffled, and I want to scream. My chest hurts from the strain. When I close my eyes, I feel dizzy.

This is probably when I want to die the most, so that I never have to experience it again.

And I feel so pathetic. Especially since there is no real trigger — it just assaults me at random, making it harder for me to ever justify such a thing.
All of this... for what?

 

[Zegers]

Frustration, Nothingness. I want to leave.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Tired,
Watching Lazarus Project. I don't know what to post anymore. Mostly just music. I don't know that I have much to say. I used to post all the time. I don't know a way out of this. I can't just keep doing this. There isn't a way out other than death. The same shit over and over. Why???
I will just work until I die. What is the fucking point???

 

[Unattainable666]

Nothing. Not a damn thing.

 

[CTB Dream]

Rly want ctb, not find evn rope no any this rly ne sffr this famly this ppl all abuse need escp

 

[donxtwait]

i'm crumbling please let this end. i can't wake up again.

 

[Zegers]

Airbnb time is running out so in some days back to the cell.

 

[girlboything]

absolute disgust at the transphobia and sex negativity and kinkshaming in this forum. repulsion at monogamous people who think they're morally superior. rage that i have to exist in the same world as these fucking people. i want to bash my head against the wall but i dont want another concussion. i wish i could get high, preferably ketmine rn i think. i wish i wasn't in this fucking rtc. i wish i had nembutal. i want to cut myself but i dont have anything to do it with. i should order razorblades off amazon. i cant do that though its a bad idea. i want to die. i want to die. i will never forgive my parents for sending me to a tti school. i will never recover and i will never forgive them. i wish i was asleep. i wish i had someone here i could do really insane kink shit with. i wish i got more interaction on social media bc its one of the only things that feels good. i wonder how many people here are tti survivors. i need to start making art again. im too depressed to be creative. i could totally do drugs here and no one would know. i miss my friends.

 

[voc_89]

hate, anger, disapointment, disgust, horror at the person i have become.

 

[Konnsz]

Why do I care about this? Fuck this

 

[Zegers]

What's the point of life if you can't have anything you wish

 

[HoleintheDark]

Everything is slowly falling apart every day, and somehow it feels better than when I was trying to hold it all together. It's getting easier to let go

 

[WeirdTheaterKid02]

I feel as though nothing I do will ever matter because everything I do is some desperate attempt to make my feelings go away and no matter what those feelings are always there. Sad? Make food? Still feel sad? Meditate, focus on your breathing, take a bath, relax, draw, do art, be creative. It never matters because I'll always feel like this

 

[Necessary Evil]

i feel so lonely and trapped. i feel so stupid and numb all the time. i just deleted all my social media cuz i can't stand seeing people being happy… i don't understand it. i wanna feel like that too.. but i truly can't. it's so difficult, everything is so difficult. i wish i had a friend, or someone to tell me they love me. but no one does. no one needs me. no one wants me. i feel so ugly and disgusting all the time. everything is my fault. everything bad that happens to me it's my fault. i deserve it. i deserve all the pain of the world. i just wnna be free… i wanna fucking die. i wanna be able to kill myself but i'm not even good enough to do that.

 

[Seaghost]

Feeling so haggard.
One the waiting list for rehab. No news/ no place for me. Need a place for mental breakdown. But what for?
When I'm writing this I don't know what a rehab could do. It just prolong my problems. The big bang comes when I'm back home.

 

[Vaermina8]

I feel strangely empty, like I want to attack myself but I find I have no ammunition. Well, that's a bit of a lie, there are plenty of things I can hate myself for. But perhaps instead of that tonight I wanted to peer into the minds of others. It makes me sound like some sort of despondent scientific sociopath, (perhaps I am as disgusting as that) but perhaps it's just nice to be comforted in a herd-like mentality of misery. After all, it's how we humans survived for so long anyway, because of the things we can create when we worked together. But now we created civilization, which created many problems for us, so many terrible things that made some of our species, friends, and family, want to end themselves. How ironic when technology was supposed to improve everything. Makes me think about how nice a simple life would be, with no worries.

 

[CTB Dream]

Rly trap now no know wat do, lose slf keep dtriort this also sstm awfl frc wrk from sffr wat do need hlp this no able

 

[nailen]

depressed and unmotivated :/

 

[outatime_85]

I am expected to see how colorful the world is.

Yet for me, the world I see is gray.

Everyone around me is oblivious, thinking everything is fine, not knowing that when one is alone, everything falls apart.

No one sees the tired and blank expression; everyone thinks one is all smiles and fine, but the depression is still there.

Then, if one tries to open up after all the screams that they are there for you, they tell you everyone has problems.

So, the mask goes back on, and the de facto response goes back to everything being fine.

Yet behind my mask lies a tortured soul desperate for a way out.

I have actively hated myself for decades, and my life is becoming more intolerable.

So my eventual death makes sense, as I am useless and a burden, and I know that when I die, everyone will be happier for it.

 

[morbidtoby]

so fucking relieved I found this site that sorrow YouTube video was my saving grace I don't know if he realizes that he's just leading more suicidal people to his site but I'm so fucking glad he did. I'm freer than I've ever been and even if I'm still fucking miserable this is true happiest I've been in a while

 

[Lourenzo]

Alone, completely alone

 

[arielpandora]

I feel empty. Like if you slice me open, you'll find nothing there. Just black emptiness. I go through life mechanically, and it's like every emotion I feel is fake. Like they're really just at the surface. Beneath, there's nothing. It's weird. I know what to feel but I don't feel it.

I'm hurting and because of that, I end up hurting others. I don't want to cause pain anymore. I don't want to feel pain anymore. I just want it all to end.

Feeling like I know what I need to do but not sure if I have the strength to do it.

 

[gum]

Forgotten and lonely, was talking to friends and certain actions on their end has resulted in me feeling a nuisance that they would prefer to not be there. So I cope, whether it's true or internalized self-loathing being projected onto them.