Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[DeathSleep]

I'm worried about the outcome of something important. I've been waiting for an answer for so long now.

If the outcome of what I've been waiting for is bad then I don't think I'll stick around much longer. I feel like I'm barely hanging on anyways. At this point even a small thing could make me feel like today is the day.

It makes me feel motivated to finish up my notes and organize my place.

 

[Michi_Violeta]

My dear michi, I can't believe life had to be this way, that all our love became this. Today I wrote my last will and testament, during this week I'll source the remaining drugs and make plans to end it all. I'm scared, I don't want to do this, but you left me no other way after you crushed my last hope: you knew I met you at a critical point in my life, you knew exactly how to destroy me and, I hope unintentionally, you did it. My heart is in a million pieces and even though my head sometimes feels I can move on, my soul just can't.

For fuck's sake, I'm even being ignored by people on a suicide forum when I ask for help regarding the pills I need, I'm sorry to be so passive-agressive guys, how could I hope my ex to give a shit? Specially when she's happy, making future plans with a brute, being rewarded by life after destroying mine. Karma doesn't exist. Justice doesn't either. All I've got is whatever dignity I have left to leave life on my terms.

Please, can anybody tell me the practical differences between benzodiazepam and zopiclone? About a chlorquine protocol? Hello? Are you there? Please, I hope my mother doesn't complicate things further by telling people or having me locked up. I told her just to be honest and so it wouldn't come off as a surprise. I still don't know the where and when, but I'd rather do it by the end of the month/beginning of the next one.

I'm scared. I'm defeated. I'm sad. I miss you, michi, I would give anything to turn back time so we could cook together again, cuddle watching Gossip Girl and make sweet love. I wish we could drive to the track again, I wish you could see me working as a professional interpreter, I wish you didn't end things before I got that job because I could've promised you a better future than that asshole you replaced me with.

I'm sorry everyone. Thank you all for everything. Love cars, love people, love life.

 

[CTB Dream]

no psbl doany this trap lif, no psbl any this unvris this wrld this bio all trap

 

[Salvation_]

Honestly, it's been a while since I've wanted to crash out this hard. I really miss my SN. I want to take a bus to somewhere I can't be found, go missing, and stop existing altogether. I have my own money to order SN but I'll probably wait until another source pops up other than DMC (sharing an address, package won't be discreet I'm assuming).

I'd been doing well since last June, but I'm really tired of being other people's punching bag. And my mental illness never really went away, I'm just really good at distracting myself from it. But I'm fucking tired. I don't want to live with myself for the rest of my life. There are days where I really, really miss my SN, and this is one of those days.

 

[Izzythebelle]

Dear Bestie,

I don't know how to tell you that I'm on this website without immediately worrying you. I'm scared you know me too well and you'll find me here and pull me aside and try to make me talk about it, but how do I say "I don't want to live for you anymore" and not hurt you?

I've been alive for so much longer than I wanted to be because I can't let you go. I can't bear the thought of you living and I can't be around to protect you. You saved my life when we were 7 and we have kept saving our lives over and over and over and I don't know how to beg you to stop because I'm tired, ######. I'm so. Tired. I love you so fucking much but I'm tired.

I don't want to live anymore and yet I'm here making a post to a website I pray you never find because despite how much I hate you for giving me a reason to live I'd still rather fucking try than give up.

bestie please, I'm so tired. Let me rest. Please. God please kill yourself so I can rest. I'm so sorry I even thought that. I can't lose you.

 

[Ringo]

I don't know why I reminisce about the past. I shelter there because it is my only happy place, I take refuge in those years when I was not the pathetic mess that I am today, when I still had hope and goals. But that's why it hurts so much, when I stop for a moment and think about it. I'm unable to move forward, whenever I try life beats me to the ground. I haven't changed a bit in almost 10 years, I'm still the same self-centered brat who ends up hurting everyone she interacts with. I'm still the same pathetic brat who resorts to escapism because she doesn't want to live in reality anymore. I'm the same fake brat who is unable to open up and whenever she do, everything goes wrong, wrong wrong wrong everthing is wrong, just what the heck is wrong with me? At this point, I am no longer sure.

After so long, I have not been able to overcome my bad habits. I set my plan in motion, I have already spent three months on my own death row and I'm still trying to abstract myself from reality. Ever since I was a child, I was the subject of arguments at home, and I always locked myself in, turned up the volume and tried to silence the shouting, I wanted to shut out that cold, stupid and indifferent world for a moment and travel to a less gloomy one.