B
blueblue
New Member
- Mar 15, 2025
- 1
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Same here. Whichever choice I make, I wanna reduce trauma to my family. It would already be bad enough to see for them, so I try to think of a way to be considerate as possible of their feelings.TW: Content may be considered disturbing or triggering
As ridiculous as intrusive thoughts may be, I'm glad they stay intrusive. When I see police or security personnel, I have these brief thoughts: "Grab their gun—shoot yourself in the head! It's right there!"
My demeanor and appearance are disarming enough that they wouldn't suspect me of doing so. We can all agree, however, that this is a trembling, transient yearning that is not only foolish but also pointless (suicide by cop is neither a quick guarantee nor a desirable option). It reminds me of watching the train arrive at the station when I'm waiting in the subway. I consider jumping, but I soon see that the train isn't moving at the best speed for a speedy demise. Furthermore, I don't believe it would be fair to let everyone else experience the consequences of my suicidal ideation. As much as possible, I would like to reduce any trauma that my dying might create.