Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[Mywill]

Guilty and hopelessness.

 

[enduringwinter]

I feel very cold. Don't know how to process things. Facing dangers, upheavals and so much uncertainty. It upsets me to see people outraged about abuse cases that are similar to what I went through, that I still not have escaped and will never receive any support for. I am angry that my friends don't care about me enough to even hang out together, even though I poured so much time and effort into them. I am scared and sad and angry and most of all don't know how to help myself.

 

[Rocinante]

I have spent the last 2 years thinking of my ideal life without making any effort towards achieving it. I am inhibited by inaction.
Nothing of note has been done since I left school, no job worth mentioning, no people worth conversing with, no place to go.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Severely depressed. I don't want to be alive. Helpless. I need to get meds ready for next week but I can't focus enough to get it done.
I want to sleep. So far behind on the music threads. Apologies to those who post there.
Just numb. I could fall asleep right now. ...

 

[Promised Heaven]

Emotional. Overwhelm.
I'll be okay, I hope.
This always happens. I have a good day, then my past appears, invading my head like a spiritual sniper sent the memory directly to my brain, feeding me tricks.
Of course, I'm visualizing it, this is just my brain misfiring the worst onto me. My brain isn't okay.

Dear God. What a string of emotions.
Dear dear God. Many people IRL knows I'm like this, but not the cause.

Spoiler: SA

The abuse towards me as a child, I can still feel the consequences of not standing up for myself.
I know I was a young child, but I should of told someone I was being abused.
But as a child, you don't know what is or isn't abuse.
All I knew was how to sastify him.
And I'm disgusted by how I acted, what I did.
I gag at the thought, my body is no longer pure.
I'm stuck with my body trained to love it all.
But with a mind that wants none of it all.
It's been years.
Why won't it stop.
He stopped.
Why am I not?
I know it's not real.
But I want it to end.
Please, make it end.
I can't help but just impulsively go out.
But I won't, I'm a coward.
I just want it to end.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Had an awful nightmare that somebody shot me and in that dream I woke up after a coma, still alive. It felt so real for some reason even though like my rib cage was missing. I think this dream was trying to tell me to live which is just so stupidly cliche and generic that I kind of don't want to live now just out of spite. How dare this dream try to tell me what to do and how to live my life.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Stressed out but besides that I'm fine I guess. I have to start studying for my upcoming midterm on Monday. I'm pretty sure I'm going to fail. I also got my marks back for one of my other midterms and I did surprisingly well on it (I also thought I was going to fail that one too, lol).

 

[PinballWizard39]

Mega pissed alongside my usual clinical depression, recent anger spike and angst. I don't appreciate work hi-jacking me with some mediation meeting. Several people asked me about cover for when I had my 'meeting'. My response was 'what meeting?' This went on all day until a senior finally told me about it, apologised for the break in confidentiality and the fact I knew nothing about it - oh, and it was to take place there and then. Basically a work colleague talked to me like utter shit last week and I responded by, well, not responding. Word was rife in the lab that i had 'beef' with her when in fact I'm incapable of having beef with anyone. Just fuck off everybody because I've been fucking set up here. I honestly don't need anymore reasons to ctb.

 

[Promised Heaven]

In pain, I think I tore a muscle in my chest early in my shift. I probably partially tore it using resistance bands and broke it completely when lifting boxes.

It hurts to take a deep breath and smothered some cream to heal the muscles. I should be fine in a day or two, but to feel light pain for every breath is wearing me down. Laying down makes it hurt more, it'll be fun sleeping tonight. I purchased ice cream to make the pain more tolerable.

Edit: I stopped myself from eating the ice cream, though strawberry shortcake is incredibly tempting...

 

[pyx]

ennui is a curse upon the mind. nothing brings me enjoyment anymore, just further boredom. i feel like a prisoner in manacles. all i can do is watch myself rot. sometimes i will just stare at my ceiling, unable to move. that is what my life amounts to.

 

[Eyler]

Torture

 

[enduringwinter]

Sucks to wake up. As soon as my conciousness comes I think that I have to die because I can't face the disasters that are coming.

 

[joedabest123]

I feel hopeless in this hamster wheel we are supposed to call life constantly gambling to feel something this life is meaningless and I can't find any meaning for existence I often ask myself what's the point in carrying on why try to become someone when we all just die in the end all my attempts at trying to better myself failing but yet I'm still here, why am I still here…?

 

[Promised Heaven]

My department lost two people in three months, and I'm often left to handle the entire department for at least 3.5 hours. I ended up working a lot of hours overtime to make up for it and while I'll get a fat paycheck this week, I got in trouble for not completing triple the work.

They're not hiring more people. I'm left doing triple the work. My manager chewed me out and is giving me the silent treatment the whole day and it's driving me crazy! I love working alone but my manager was constantly giving me compliments or a quick redirection if I'm missing something. When he left he didn't even say bye or handed me the company phone, just left it on the desk and left. There's less people working so I don't understand why it's bad I have like $75 a week more when they're saving $200 a day by not having two people.

My manager just declined my vacation days off, so no summer vacation for me I guess. Ironically, he's currently off work to go on vacation so I can't ask why I got declined.

I was looking forward to it, but I guess that's what I get for working too much? I can't stop working? It's 4 days. I want to cry but struggle to force a tear out. I feel just sad, but I'm high dosing on vitamin d so I don't feel too too sad. Coworkers keep yelling at me for being a bit slow and telling me to do things. I just want to die, this is too overwhelming. I like my job, but it's hard to enjoy on days like these.

 

[MarsProxy]

Alone. I could have all the friends in the world and it would still mean nothing. Still existing. Not sure if I could call this living, but I'm trying.

 

[lemonbunny]

envious of those living better lives

 

[tired_tired_tired]

Sad, lonely, rejected

 

[deleted]

I feel so stupid for trusting other people and hoping for good, to be honest, my mistakes have taught me enough but I keep pressing the same button over and over again, how many times do I need to get hurt to understand that I'm alone in this shitty world and that no one gives a fuck for me?

 

[Dark Moon]

I'm just numb and nothingness, this life and reality is a wash for me. I don't see a point in continuing.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Numb, angry, sadness, pain, misery.
I hate life so much. I may have to overcome my S.I. soon. This is just pointless bullshit !!!
Going through the same thing day after day with no relief is insanity !!!
I am so angry I could scream until I lose my voice.
So exhausted I can hardly get out of bed.
If reincarnation exists that must be the reason babies cry when they are born. Thinking " Fuck... I have to go through this again !!!"

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Like a pathetic, anxious idiot.

 

[Promised Heaven]

I got invited to a community charity event with a ton of free food and socializing with fellow people of the community.

I ate, a lot.

So I am a bit ill, definitely lazy as the body needs a lot of energy to break down the sudden intake of food.

I have a somewhat medical diet where on most days I can't eat any meats besides most fish and turkey, little fat, little sugar, and no more then 700 calories. Also, anything above 100 calories must be consumed in a 4 hour time range every 24 hours.

Yeah, I broke every one of those, I'm still eating leftovers. My stomach hurts, my head is spinning, but I have little regrets. I'm not gonna die (I wish), but damn I miss the foods I can't eat. Macaroni and real actual cheese is so good, I haven't had genuine macaroni and cheese in...before I made this account. It's been a long while.

 

[everythingoes]

still missing my friend. always thinking about him.

 

[Mooshi]

Hopeless, grief, anguish. There is a gaping, burning hole in my heart. My soul weeps yet my eyes are dry. Something in my chest yearns to claw it's way out for freedom, peace, love, my family...

 

[Don’tDoxMe]

Life is so beautiful and wonderful and I'm sad that I'm going to kill myself in about 30 minutes because I just wasn't built for it

 

[Kismet]

Hopeless, overwhelmed, lonely, sad, depressed, terrible anxiety, and envious of those who succeeded. I want it to be over

 

[leadedSnail]

I feel so burdened. Burdened with guilt and hopelessness. I want it to end but if I live again I don't think I could handle the guilt becoming that much stronger. It's already killing me. The only way I see out is death.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Like someone or something is forcing me to live and delay my CTB at all costs. I can only hope whoever this entity is has my best interests at heart instead of wanting to keep me alive just to see me suffer.

 

[DeIetedUser4739]

Upset

 

[Promised Heaven]

Most emotional overwhelms are in the night, I woke up and the first thing I crave is death.

I don't want to spend my entire life like this, working in retail and struggling to have enough free time to bask in life's enjoyments. I don't mind growing old but I don't want it to be like this. I'm so miserable. I ruined my life by being sexually abused and I want the feeling to stop. I've been asking for a decade now, but it just won't. It's less often, maybe there's hope, but I just am awaiting death, I just want to stop existing. I just woke up. This will be a fun day.
I don't want to die, as much as my body and mind craves it.
I really don't want to go out like this.
I really don't want to wither away with my last thoughts being thst I'm finally done
I want to live.
But I don't know if I have it in me to do so.