Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[Kismet]

Hopeless, overwhelmed, lonely, sad, depressed, terrible anxiety, and envious of those who succeeded. I want it to be over

 

[leadedSnail]

I feel so burdened. Burdened with guilt and hopelessness. I want it to end but if I live again I don't think I could handle the guilt becoming that much stronger. It's already killing me. The only way I see out is death.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Like someone or something is forcing me to live and delay my CTB at all costs. I can only hope whoever this entity is has my best interests at heart instead of wanting to keep me alive just to see me suffer.

 

[DeIetedUser4739]

Upset

 

[HereTomorrow]

Most emotional overwhelms are in the night, I woke up and the first thing I crave is death.

I don't want to spend my entire life like this, working in retail and struggling to have enough free time to bask in life's enjoyments. I don't mind growing old but I don't want it to be like this. I'm so miserable. I ruined my life by being sexually abused and I want the feeling to stop. I've been asking for a decade now, but it just won't. It's less often, maybe there's hope, but I just am awaiting death, I just want to stop existing. I just woke up. This will be a fun day.
I don't want to die, as much as my body and mind craves it.
I really don't want to go out like this.
I really don't want to wither away with my last thoughts being thst I'm finally done
I want to live.
But I don't know if I have it in me to do so.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Guess who is getting ready to fail their exam?


I have studied for it but I'm not too confident that I'll do very good on it. I did do fine on the practice test (I only got one question wrong) but I have a feeling that the actual exam will be much harder. On the brightside, at least all of it is supposed to be multiple choice.

 

[Rocinante]

My heart conflicts with my desires. I want what I don't have, but want it handed to me. I hate what I have that others would give up the world for.

 

[NullSz00]

I realized that I feel disgusted whenever I see my own face, be it in the mirror or in photos. No wonder I hate myself more than anything...

 

[innominesatanas44]

I just want to kill myself. There's nothing worth living for if you aren't the top 1% of people on this planet who are lucky enough to have a decent life.

 

[Lady Laudanum]

Just remembered how my abusive ex told me that he hoped I would get killed on the job, when I was going through EMT training. He said that was the only way he could be free from my abuse, because he was too scared to leave me.

For the longest time I thought that I was the abuser.

 

[BlendedHeart]

I hate life. I hate my mother for bringing me here. Hate to wake up, to breathe, to do anything, to be the kind of person no one could ever like.

It's not that I hate *my* life. I hate life in general, the way everything works. Wish I could just make this SI disappear and go away forever.

 

[Placo]

Today I just feel like I'm really living beyond what I should have.

 

[HopingOnaMiracle]

Why do I need to feel this way even in the evening. The evening usedd to be the time where I got a break.
I want to die die die dir die
So fucking tired of this fucking shit. Why can't i be normal. What did I do to deserve this. I dont want to fucking live anymore. Depression took everything from me
Fuck this fucking illness. Why the fuck does it exist. Just to torture me?
I don't even know what to say anymore

 

[pyx]

woke up with brain fog. thoughts are extremely muddled. wish that i could read again

 

[sukiduki]

each day i feel like there's less and less i want. even the things i want, i don't feel it's worth any fight. little things have been making me cry. i pray to close my eyes and never wake up.

 

[PinballWizard39]

Really.Fucking.Depressed.

I went to my therapy appointment and I ended up crying so much that I couldn't breathe properly.

I had an appointment with my care co-ordinator this afternoon and I ended up so upset I had to cover my mouth because I was afraid some kind of animalistic death cry would come out of it.

There's too much emotion threatening to spill out of me and knowing my luck it'll be while I'm at work or something.

But you know, I'm all good.

 

[kcon1243]

I feel done. I don't know how why I had go be born, I dont know why my life is one big shit show after the next. I just want to buy a ticket to peru and get my hands on nembutal and end the tragedy that is my existence

 

[Onelegman]

I'm feeling happy about my impending ctb on saturday and just a little nervous. I know that once the day arrives the nerves will be unbearable.
Now it's hard for me to eat, my stomach is closed from lying to my parents so much and wearing the mask 24/7, trying not to raise suspicions, thinking about how I'll put everything in my backpack without raising suspicions.
I feel sorry for my family, for years they thought I was "cured" of wanting to do CTB and the idea never left my mind. I don't know who it will affect and who will breathe a sigh of relief thinking that now I will be better than in life.
I hate myself for failing at this thing called life, but I don't mind abandoning it. It's my wish since I was 9 years old, when the bullying started.
I'm more worried about how SN will taste and what's going to go through my head while I'm shutting down than the fact that I'm going to leave on my own volition.

 

[ForWhatPurpose]

my head hurts. i wanna take a nap but i dun wanna get up. probably should arrange where all my shit will go once I ctb. this place is a mess but i don't care enough to clean it. fuck im tired

 

[Seaghost]

So exhausted cause of the heat.
Cant think in the combination of 28° and high humidity.
I know for some places thats pretty normal and not even high temperatures.
Since my early 20s I can't stand that heat anymore. I'm a Zombie...

 

[sovcat]

The primal fear of death stopped me today. I wish I could turn it off.

 

[tankapi]

Everyone I know is sick of me being sad. They want to help, but they wanted to help someone that had hope for the future. The fact that I'm not optimistic and don't have hopes for rebuilding my life is wearing out my welcome. I've been suffering for months due to the fear of causing them pain, but at this rate, they'll be so sick of my sadness that I think many of them will be relieved if I'm gone.

 

[kikkoman]

i feel totally emotionally numb except for a dread sense of pain
cool

 

[Crash_Bash_Dash]

Undecided, hopeless, frustrated, very disappointed in myself, anxious, depressed and little suicidal. I am exhausted thinking about upcoming events I might have to be present in.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I'm okay right now. You know, sometimes I think about how I engage in the world and analyze it and how that may differ from others. I sometimes have the urge to think that I'm special for questioning things around me a lot. I always make sure to remind myself that there isn't anything special in that and that this is just a part of being human.

 

[NullSz00]

I don't want tomorrow to come... I'm not sure why but I have a really bad feeling.

 

[Leiden]

I feel exhausted having to live with so many issues. Terrified of all the things that happened to me, that are happening to me and all the things that could happen to me I just want to smile and enjoy the days and be excited about things and have hope and be happy and laugh. I want to be weightless and free from these burdens. I just want to be fkn happy! I want some joy again. I want my life back before it all started getting really bad for me. There's no hope of things getting better for me and so none of that can happen but I just wish it could. I feel stuck in a world that I don't want to be in with no way out. Seems like it's always something else, another ailment, another thing to have to deal with, another worry. I feel doom and dread and pain and fear and just every horrible emotion a person can feel.

 

[PinballWizard39]

I don't want to go to work today. Or maybe it's not really about work, it's just that I really don't want to have to be conscious right now. Everything is just better when I'm not awake.

 

[Why am i still here]

empty, i also feel like i just wanna cut

 

[Nuance]

Rather whimsical if I say so myself