Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[CTB Dream]

Rly tired all, all same stay sffr all dtriort, also no able do any see time move me no do any, need leave life

 

[savoytruffle]

defeated deflated

 

[StolenLife]

I thought someone was hurting you at home, it sounds like your house is structurally unsafe? I'm guessing it's not possible for your family to stay temporarily in a motel or live with neighbours or other family? That's a lot of pressure on you, do you have anything you can take for anxiety to help you cope while you're in uni?

It's an appartment and the neighbours are the problem. A few days ago some kid harrassed us by ringing the doorbell. He wanted to speak to our tenant's daughter (we have two appartments in the same building - one for us and one for renting) and rang the wrong doorbell. Then he started ringing like crazy so I went downstairs and told him not to do it because my mother has a cold and she's sleeping. He straight up said that he didn't give a shit about my mother. Then I told him that I'll call the police if he rings again, and he said he'll call the police on me(???) and left.
I'm scared and disturbed by this, I feel anxious all the time and worry that he'll come again. I also have misophonia which doesn't help. Not to mention how several of my old bullies and a guy that was creepy to me all live nearby. I don't feel safe there and never will. I'll only feel safe in my death.
I am taking some meds but so far nothing can calm my anxiety down. Again, thank you for being kind.

 

[xer117]

Like everything bad that has ever happened to me is 100% my fault, and my fault alone.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Dread... Every day.... Just Dread.

 

[CTB Dream]

Feel lose all lose slf ,keep lose this bytr ctb no wait, all lone cruel sffr

 

[sheepgirl]

Absolutely done with living. I've just cried and cried. Sitting on my bed wishing I had SN now, the idea of having to wait makes me want to scream

 

[NoLoveNoHope]

I just want to die - I'm no longer numb. I want to go back.

 

[BroodingBleu]

Suffering. The medications don't work anymore. I love the highs and euphoric feelings of being in an episode, they are literally what I live for. With the unfortunate downside of suicidal and numbing depression that lasts weeks or months at a time. The only time I feel better is when I stop taking them, but I have already been threatened to be sent to the hospital if I don't take them. At the end of my rope, no pun intended.

 

[ShadowsFall]

I'm not even 1/3rd of the way to work, and if I didn't have to catch up on bills that are seriously overdue, would turn back around and go home. While waiting for the next bus, I have already dealt with 4 very uncomfortable events within the span of 10 minutes. One of which brought back a memory of an event which happened in the exact same place in September of 2020.

 

[unnormal9]

Trauma-evoked.

 

[Rairii]

It hurts so bad. I want someone to stab me where my bladder is so I can just get rid of it. I'm so exhausted. I don't want to deal with this anymore. Just get rid of it. I hate this so much. It feels like someone poured acid in it and then proceeded to punch me multiple times. This is so dumb.

 

[ShadowsFall]

I injured my left foot sometime in the past few days while working, and I am now dealing with a sharp pain in my foot and lower leg. Probably need to get it checked out, but am too stubborn to go to the doctor. Having flat feet while wearing shoes with no arch support isn't helping any either.

 

[uletayu]

I really wanna scream AAAAAAAA right now

 

[Kodokushi]

I'm so terribly exhausted. The weight in my chest is so heavy it's physically pulling me down and fighting against it is so annoying. It's annoying to keep a smile, it's annoying to fake this positive persona because it's work, nobody cares what you feel or how you feel. I feel like a wounded animal, desperately craving to hide in its nest, but unable to. I'm stuck here in a place where I don't want to be behind a fake persona, counting hours until people are finally gone and I can at least breathe out. There's no escape, it's mental torture I have no way of avoiding and I'm so very tired...

 

[𖣴 nadia 𖣴]

It's an appartment and the neighbours are the problem. A few days ago some kid harrassed us by ringing the doorbell. He wanted to speak to our tenant's daughter (we have two appartments in the same building - one for us and one for renting) and rang the wrong doorbell. Then he started ringing like crazy so I went downstairs and told him not to do it because my mother has a cold and she's sleeping. He straight up said that he didn't give a shit about my mother. Then I told him that I'll call the police if he rings again, and he said he'll call the police on me(???) and left.
I'm scared and disturbed by this, I feel anxious all the time and worry that he'll come again. I also have misophonia which doesn't help. Not to mention how several of my old bullies and a guy that was creepy to me all live nearby. I don't feel safe there and never will. I'll only feel safe in my death.
I am taking some meds but so far nothing can calm my anxiety down. Again, thank you for being kind.

Maybe you could try talking to the tenant's daughter about him? Hopefully he won't come back again now that he knows he had the wrong door. I know that suffocating anxiety of not feeling safe at home too, the doorbell is one of they things that sets it off for me too. SSRIs don't work for me neither, probably because our problems are situational, cbd oil helps a bit but isn't strong enough on many days because of some ongoing triggers, idk maybe you could try it. It's not really a solution to any of your problems, just something that might help you cope in the meantime. Hope you and your family can move somewhere safer soon.

 

[unnormal9]

Accelerated pain.

 

[NotRocketScience]

Numb & suicidal (lol)

 

[CTB Dream]

Rly no want stay this awfl life loop same dtriorit no bttr all worse stay loop all awful trap need esxp

 

[NeverLetMeGo]

Nothing. Not good, not bad. Just another day on the simulation.

 

[Zegers]

I feel trapped in a nightmarish neighbourhood

 

[tatteredbone]

I'm in so much pain, I made the unconscious effort to reach out to a shitty friend, but they're ignoring me and hit my bpd like a brick again, I feel empty, and I want to cry. I feel the urge to slice myself open just to prove that I'm human, that my emotions are real, that I'm real. I feel my old friend group drifting away from me, I desperately need some of their support but I'm too scared to dm them bc of statuses saying to dni or such. I don't know why I keep trying, I want to help others. I want to be there for them, when they don't give the same energy it hurts so much. I don't even deserve their love, I'm selfish for wanting it, I sit in my room alone all the time crying or sleeping barrel eating or doing essentials, the internet is the only thing keeping me alive. All my friends IRL have forgotten about me or given up interacting with me since the second they see me I disappear for another 6 months, not leaving my home. I want to feel wanted or needed. Instead I feel I should just disappear, nobody would notice me gone. They'd move on.

 

[wesv]

Fuck you. You want to destroy my body. I'd rather fucking kill myself than let you rip my body apart slowly. You are all fucking cowards. Fucking with a little girl, for what? Because of your bloated department w. Unlimited spending? You are all fucking psychos and killers. You already fucking killed my cousin. I fucking hate all of you, all of you who fucking run this country. Yoy are all fucking bullies and criminals. Who the fuck fucks with a suicidal girl? You fucking cowards and bullies. Old boomer white bullies you want to give me what you have chronic pain destroy me give me your old age ailments because you are fuking jealous of my youth fuck you is that why you give this to 15 y.o? 11 y.o children have this you disgusting bullies. I would rather die than be a fucking prisoner and let you torture me forever you fucking racists. Look at the statistics. You give this to the MINORITIES. YOU SINGLE OUT AND TARGET THE BLACKS AND THE NON WHITES. YOU GIVE THIS DEATH SENTENCE TO THE BLACKS AND THE MINORITIES OF THIS COUNTRY YOU FUCKING RACIST CIA DISGUSTING KILLLERS. BULLIES. A 55 Y.O BULLY. A 62 Y.O RACIST BULLY. FUCK YOU

 

[wesv]

You targeted me brcause of my race you fucking racist CIA cunts. Fuck you

 

[CTB Dream]

Not wabt this human species all awfl intract all awfl make worse ni wabt stay this all make sffr make injury damage worse need leave this awfl plnt

 

[setty]

everything terrible idk what is going on
in my life
there is no way i cannot improve my situation
and everyday
i am disappointed by myself
it is just not possible
that this is happening
if this continues might just
.

 

[Infelix-Cat]

Awful over the course of three days I've gotten about seven hours of sleep. I have loads of homework, I've had nothing but coffee today which makes my heart condition worse, and I fell down onto the ground by accident and slammed my head into it and I have a headache and I keep getting weird symptoms like my vision blurring and pain behind my eyes and I just feel completely tired and disoriented.
And now I'm about to have to get an entire art project done by 9am tomorrow and it's currently 2am and after that I have months of late English work to catch up on.
Overall I am very close to just going to the carpark next to my dorm and jumping off but i'm trying to stay focused on my family and friends and the life I want to have. It's just so hard when I constantly feel like crap and school just makes it 10x worse and 10x harder to do even basic things like sleep.

 

[Ultracheese]

I'm quite lonely right now, to be honest. It's late and my boyfriend's asleep. I miss him dearly. We are hoping to meet up again in the summer and it's all I can think about. I hate that we're so far away and likely will be for a long time but we talk constantly when we're both awake so that helps. He loves to do ridiculous impressions over the phone to make me laugh. He wanted to be an actor when he was my age, he said, so he developed a knack for mimicking people's voices. I'm happy to have him as MY boyfriend but constantly worry he'll see through me as the fraud I am. The novelty of dating an 18-year-old may get old fast. But for now, I try to be thankful that at least he loves me right now and giggle when he answers the phone as Rodney Dangerfield or Mickey Mouse or Arnold Schwarzenegger, or best of all, himself.

 

[didn't-it-rain]

I keep drowning in regrets and anxiety, and I've again lost my will to live. Honestly whenever I hear about someone dying prematurely, I get insanely jealous. But I was just prescribed lithium and maybe this'll decrease my suicidality for a time? Not that I think that'll suddenly make me appreciate living but being suicidal 24/7 is exhausting, y'know? But I don't see much hope of that and so more than anything I just want to die. I hate the person I am more than anything. Take away the regrets and the anxiety and what's left is the same incompetent mess, there's just no hope for me, really - in anything.

 

[Actovania]

i feel like a deer. i have weak legs and when something goes wrong i just collapse and don't know how to get back up again. but sometimes i get hit full on by a car and just run off and try to forget that it happened. that was kinda like today. it wasn't really bad or anything though.