Discussion I feel neurotic, I am in a state of mind where I cannot think about suicide. Does anyone feel identified?

[montanatype]

I remember at the end of 2024 that I was literally lying in bed without being able to blink or even move, now I guess I have more desire to live... but idk, my brain, my memory, my heart, everything in me is working poorly, I feel like I'm going at like 200km per hour and I can't slow down, I had planned to reach at least twenty-two (7 more months) but I literally don't understand anything anymore, I feel disgusted with everything, I'm losing touch with reality (not to the point of psychosis, but it's understandable), I no longer have memories, only the present exists, I don't understand anything
I know that if I could slow down a little and calm down I could be "better", but life just keeps pushing me, pushing for what? Traumas, breakups, grievances, betrayals, it seems like nothing matters anymore, it's like another stripe on the tiger, am I really going to commit suicide? How can I go back to my depressive stage again? I feel totally neurotic and I have no positive benefit from it.

 

[gonesoon!]

I know what you mean. After so much time living like this you just become disconnected. I honestly dont like when I get like that. Today was one of those days. I start thinking about how I should start studying again and cleaning my room. Id rather stay depressed. Its so comfortable. I wouldnt say I enjoy it, but I prefer it. This is just more anxiety. I hope you can relax a little. Despite what we might think about ourselves. I think we dont deserve this constant pain

 

[montanatype]

I know what you mean. After so much time living like this you just become disconnected. I honestly dont like when I get like that. Today was one of those days. I start thinking about how I should start studying again and cleaning my room. Id rather stay depressed. Its so comfortable. I wouldnt say I enjoy it, but I prefer it. This is just more anxiety. I hope you can relax a little. Despite what we might think about ourselves. I think we dont deserve this constant pain

I know, I think it's my SI or my accumulated will to live and the helplessness I feel when living, all overflowing in a constant state, this is horrible, it's as if now I have the will to live, and I can't do it

 

[gonesoon!]

I know, I think it's my SI or my accumulated will to live and the helplessness I feel when living, all overflowing in a constant state, this is horrible, it's as if now I have the will to live, and I can't do it

Im sorry :( The helplessness is the worst part. This is why i isolate so much. Its just easier

 

[katara]

I know what you mean. After so much time living like this you just become disconnected. I honestly dont like when I get like that. Today was one of those days. I start thinking about how I should start studying again and cleaning my room. Id rather stay depressed. It's so comfortable. I wouldnt say I enjoy it, but I prefer it. This is just more anxiety. I hope you can relax a little. Despite what we might think about ourselves. I think we dont deserve this constant pain

Tell me about it. You really do get used to things, no matter how bad it is. That's where a lot of my anxiety comes from. Knowing I've never done anything, no accomplishments, nothing, and having no way of doing those things I've always wanted. Even just small things like letting go of stuff feels so hard bc my brain is so tired constantly