This all has kind of introduced myself to me

[Laststop]

Getting here, both in terms of the events that led to this low of a state, and getting to the place where my "soul" has come this close to CTB, has shown me more about life than anything else, ever. To begin with, I never realized how much I lived for the rest of the world, and the people closest to me. Things like, when you'e a kid and the adults want to force you to tell them all about what you want to do in life. When all I wanted was nothing, and to be left alone. Or the way they led me to feel guilty for liking the things I did, or not liking what I was suppose to. Right now, like a lot of depressed people, I don't have much energy to get into the things I like. But I let people keep me from them out of shame for a long time. Long story short, this world doesn't hold much of anything for me. If I was financially independent I could ignore the world, and never have to deal with it all. Just delve into the things I like, and block out the rest. If I get back to work I'll have to deal with work. But I won't make the mistake of getting into relationships like I did on my last one. All of which vanished after I lost my job anyway. I will live for what I love, no mater who doesn't like it, after this. Or....

 

[Dreamcolleger]

I have also been thinking about how much I've learned and who I am since going down this path. There have been many ups and downs in my head, but I think I have figured out who I am and how to get back there. I kind of wish I could tell people I know, but it is a path you have to take alone. People have to learn these things for themselves, I can't help them nor can they help me when going to face the dragon.