Venting Sick of hearing this

[_Kaira_]

"If you hated life, you would've already killed yourself."

I've complained about this before. Quite frankly it's really starting to get under my skin. My parents said this often to me whenever I would look to them for support.
Literally just around 10 minutes ago I got into an argument with my friend that I live with. Nothing unusual, but my anger gets the best of me. But what really set me off was that ever so annoying quote. Followed by me getting triggered by it (they know I fucking hate it), then getting called a crazy bitch that whines too much. We were having a conversation because I was feeling relatively upset after reading about someone's passing on here, so that's why I said I disliked life. I just don't understand why I'm so out of touch with someone who claims they are also depressed and suicidal. You'd think we'd be able to express our feelings and relate more. But talking to them makes me even more isolated, full of rage and sad.

Like...just fucking lol. Why doesn't anyone understand that if killing oneself was simple a lot more of us would go through with it? Not only do I have no ways to ctb painlessly, but I actually fear death. I want to live, I really do. But it just hurts to keep going this way as a prisoner to myself. I'm tired of this bullshit. I don't care for attention, but damn do I wish I had someone IRL I could just express my thoughts openly without one of several BS outcomes happening.

I'm so pissed off right now. So furious I'm actually shaking. I just want to scream, but I'm so drained right now. May just ctb a painful way and get it over with.... this is so stupid to keep living with.

Rant over. I don't expect advice or anything, I just needed to get this off my chest.

 

[Ghost2211]

Sending you many hugs and snacks. Hopefully tomorrow is a better day.

 

[Panna]

I don't need any advice, I understand, it's something that you can only understand if you're going through it. Killing oneself is so much more then "oh boy, I feel like dying, lets go walk out in front of a car!". There's so many factors that go into it, so much preparation, or feelings that hold you back like friends, family, fears (like you mentioned). Just remember that there is many people here who understand since they all go through this. I hope you feel a bit better after getting some rest.

 

[_Kaira_]

I don't need any advice, I understand, it's something that you can only understand if you're going through it. Killing oneself is so much more then "oh boy, I feel like dying, lets go walk out in front of a car!". There's so many factors that go into it, so much preparation, or feelings that hold you back like friends, family, fears (like you mentioned). Just remember that there is many people here who understand since they all go through this. I hope you feel a bit better after getting some rest.

I edited my post. I was referring that I don't need advice, because I just felt like I needed to be able to talk. What better way than to post on this site, after all? It's exactly why I did post here, because it's probably the only place I will ever be able to express my feelings without being told to stfu (more or less).

 

[Panna]

I edited my post. I was referring that I don't need advice, because I just felt like I needed to be able to talk. What better way than to post on this site, after all? It's exactly why I did post here, because it's probably the only place I will ever be able to express my feelings without being told to stfu (more or less).

My bad mate! That makes more sense now that I think about it.

 

[antinatalist123]

I went through stages from "I fear what's after death" to "I don't care but I have friends I still have plans with" to "I don't care just die," which I will do probably the day after tomorrow.

 

[_Kaira_]

I went through stages from "I fear what's after death" to "I don't care but I have friends I still have plans with" to "I don't care just die."

I fear nothing after death. I have no one in my life that I don't push away and they wish I wasn't around them. I want to die, but I still linger around because I keep hopelessly longing for things to get better so I don't have to go through with something so final. My time is limited if things keep going this way, that's for sure...

 

[antinatalist123]

I fear nothing after death. I have no one in my life that I don't push away and they wish I wasn't around them. I want to die, but I still linger around because I keep hopelessly longing for things to get better so I don't have to go through with something so final. My time is limited if things keep going this way, that's for sure...

used to be horrified by the eternal nothingness. Now yearn for it .

imo I need to make so much effort to make things get better and they can always get worse again, so that's not worth it

 

[262653]

"If you hated life, you would've already killed yourself."

Say, Person 1 (P1) wants to fuck Person 2 (P2), but the P2 doesn't give P1 the consent. P2 was incapacitated or weakened, and got raped by P1 anyway.
It's like saying that if P2 claims that he didn't want to get raped, and he gets raped anyway, then P2 actually had nothing against rape, or had no objections against rape. I guess this inference sounds more absurd because the conflict seems obvious, two players have conflicting interests, and at least one player is bound to lose the conflict.

When people look at suicidals, the conflict may be internal, and it's usually less apparent. (From an outsider, It's not always clear if this internal conflict is actually taking place, or the person is feigning suicidality to advance personal goals.) Somehow some people refuse to acknowledge that such conflicts may exist. It's hard for me to understand how and why, because I believe that most people have to deal with such conflicts... and that most people have the survival instinct.
I think that drawing parallels and giving examples may allow some people to understand what it's like wanting to die but not being able to.

 

[Meditation guide]

But talking to them makes me even more isolated, full of rage and sad.

You are letting yourself get all worked up and triggered by someone who is saying things to trigger you. I don't know if they are doing it deliberately but this is not someone to take seriously when they speak. Stop reacting to things this person says as they are either idiotic or deliberately saying things they know will upset you. Either way, just pay no attention at all to the stuff they say.

Talking to that person and expecting a nice rational conversation that makes you feel better for expressing yourself ain't gonna happen with that one. Remember that.

 

[NekoNomNom]

Living is difficult, but the act of dying is much harder. I've said this before, but I don't think people quite understand just how much of an undertaking killing yourself actually is, because they have not experienced it.

So that leaves us in a sort of limbo: we no longer enjoy the things life has to offer us; yet we haven't been able to find that release into death. We just sort of float on, existing.

It's a special kind of hell, to be honest.