I just read the opening post. My previous post was just a response to the title. Well, I'm similar to you in many ways. Except I'm two years your junior. I am a 28 year old dateless KHHV. I also had/have feelings for someone I liked a lot. I like(d) them for almost ten years now. I already told you I am unattractive, so it's no surprise when she rejected me a couple of years ago. I expected it anyway. I was nothing more to her than a pathetic creep. She had her wedding last December. We had many things in common, she and I. That's why I inevitably started to develop feelings for her. I wish I hadn't. It ended with me being crushed, feeling totally hopeless. Her husband lives thousands of miles away. So I could bear the heartache, it seemed distant to me in a way. Yesterday, I heard her husband moved in with her. And suddenly, it hit too close to home. Literally. She only lives a block away from me. No, THEY live a block away from me. And I don't think I can handle the sadness, the jealousy and the shame I am bound to experience all at once when I will inevitably see them together if I were to step outside. I don't know what he looks like and I don't plan on finding out. All I know is that he's obviously attractive, unlike me. How sad I am, how happy they are. And yet we are only a few meters away from each other. I refuse to leave my house. I made plans with friends but I'm going to cancel. I cannot risk seeing them outside together. I just don't want to. I have the rest of this week and the next week off, so I don't have to go outside. Luckily, after that, I only have to leave the house once a week only. At a time too early to run into anyone at all, and I return at a time too late to run into them. I'll just walk a different path back home. Just so I can avoid them.
This situation you're in genuinely really sucks, man. Way worse than mine I feel. To be living so close to the one I love while they are with someone else is a fate I couldn't even imagine. No matter how ugly you are, you have the will of a billion Navy SEALs for even being alive right now.
That said, I hold nothing against OP, they seem to be experiencing something even I relate with, but it's for that reason that I wish to see them get out of a community that hurts them.
As I've said before in other threads, I'm not a part of the incel community. I barely know any incel terminology nor do I watch a single incel content creator and I never even made an account on incels.is. I feel like they would all just harp on my wasted potential from how tall I am or something like that so I don't bother. Just because I'm not a member of the community doesn't mean I'm not one though. There are vegans and vegetarians who don't attack meat eaters, Atheists who don't attack the religious, and incels who don't hate women. These can all be true.
Dating for average guys is simply torture.
It's weird how alcohol, cigarettes, etc get health warnings or even bans yet there's no such warning if you're a guy on a dating app.
Being an alcoholic would be far less damaging than using a dating app and just getting matched with no one, scammers or 1 out of 10 obese black women who just swipe right on everyone anyway.
Even suicide would be more fun than a dating app because at least something happens and there's no time wasted.
I'm hoping I just get so depressed that I can just approach women randomly and not even care about all the rejections and awkwardness, but I'm just to sensitive for that
My dating app experience has been pretty poor too. Usually I only match with self-absorbed Kpop or Kdrama lovers who mistake me for Korean then quickly drop me once they realize I'm not.
Thanks, you call yourself insecure but you still thought me a beautiful lesson, as everyone's experience is unique.
I think you write all this status not because you are insecure, but because you want to have a decent sexual experience and not a paid one and you are just putting all your efforts in it. It is not an evil thing(even if you think so), it is just your goal. Truly evil ppl don't even doubt themselves and just act reclessely.
What is your and her's job btw?(if you want to answer).
Your goal is your goal, but if you want my opinion, you are trying a very difficult mission( you are trying to have all things at once first time+crush+job) and also you are not measuring the consequences... She may expect something later, like a relationship with a mature man and you will have to do/learn all this stuff at once... It is not something that you can just think about, only experience can teach you the proper way.
But anyway, if this is your goal, i would just not loose all this time and try a more aggressive approach, instead of looking at fingers and stuff, ask her more direct questions and try to close the match. If you spend so much times fantasizing on this relationship only, you may loose other opportunities...
I genuinely do want a relationship and not just sex though. The intimacy is the most important aspect of it for me. I even coined the term 'intimacel' to describe me a little better. It's still disgusting to say but it suits me well. Sometimes I think even just having the experience would be enough to set me right as long as it starts off well enough but who knows.
We both work part-time for a big well-known retail company. Her department is slightly different than mine and more specific but I sometimes get sent to help her out. My shift is usually at night while hers is from afternoon to evening. That's about all I'm willing to divulge on that subject.
Understand boundaries and I wouldn't worry about the what people say about limerence. If you don't do those bad things it'll be fine.
Motivation to work on yourself in the face of failure... That is tough.
What if someone far worse of than you came up to you, unable to help themselves. Do you think you would try to help? If so, why do you assume it's evil to ask for help when you need it?
How can I not worry about doing bad things when I don't understand boundaries beyond not approaching her at all? In general, even just talking to her always feels like I'm violating her personal space except when she talks to me first.
If someone with my exact same situation or worse came up to me, I wouldn't really know what to tell them. All I can say is that I don't know them enough so they're probably not as bad as me. I know how bad I am. I know the extent of my evil that is only being held back by laziness and fear. Without these traits I'd be willing to cause so much damage to the world. I only suck at articulating just how badly I'd act if given the freedom to but that doesn't mean the extent of my evil is to be underestimated. For them, I could maybe see a way for me to forgive them if they don't personally cause me any trouble but I still doubt I could help anyone improve.
I'm sorry, there is no dating service that uses "dick size" as a measurement of anything. That's just totally not a real thing at all.
Insecurity sucks, I know, I have dealt with massive amounts of it in my life. There is no easy answer to fix it either. You just have to acclimate to the pain of it, or don't and be single forever, or ctb.
This life is mostly pain. If you can endure enough of it, you can find happiness. I am always on the cusp, one day to the next can be totally different. I don't believe it should be this way, but it is and I can do nothing to change that.
Where'd I mention dick size? I mean just because mine is small, like well below average… I didn't even think to mention it but that's another great point against me. Unless someone else brought it up in which case, whoops.
Out of those three choices, CTB definitely sounds the most appealing.
Mostly true. But imo the most important thing is what comes next, relationships are far more difficult than that. He makes all this drama just for knowing that girl, imagine when he is in the relationship, what will happen?
This is exactly what I'm afraid of even if I succeed. I'm often scared of even burdening her with the thought of me whether she likes me back or not I know I must have been causing her some undue stress already.