Venting I am an evil incel. Why can’t people understand?

[Dr Iron Arc]

In case you haven't seen my last status, which to be fair, why would you? On Monday I had a full-on panic attack during my shift at work. The girl I have a crush on wasn't working that day but she was there all the same, shopping with another man. I didn't get time to check if this man was actually cucking me or not but it doesn't matter because of the way she looked at me when she saw me. She looked kind of terrified to see me because she immediately turned away instead of even acknowledging or trying to greet me. That was all she needed to do. I think it's well and truly over. I think September might be too late. I really want to CTB sooner while the despair is still icy hot but I still need to prepare some more.

Now I know what you might be thinking, "so what? Just move on, idiot." Well guess what? I don't want to. I give up on life but I will not give up on her because I feel like this is a good reminder of why I need to die in the first place. She clearly hates me and the second I foolishly move on to someone else is the moment I set my heart up to just get broken again. I feel like even if I did manage to find someone at this point I'm carrying so much anger and trauma from my previous rejections that whoever is stupid enough to give me a chance is in for a rude awakening. I fear I will become like my father where all I can do is solve my issues with yelling and violence. I wish he had killed himself but he never would. The only way I can move forward is to move away from living.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I'm so pathetic that I had a real life or death panic attack just because I got implicitly rejected. I'm such a cowardly spineless disgusting little creep for placing all my self worth into someone who must know how evil I am and that's why she doesn't like me. There's people here suffering from real problems and here I am being this affected by something as mundane and pathetic as this. Even other incels face genuine issues with having a lack of height or friends. I'm six feet tall and have lots of friends and yet I still managed to fuck up so badly that I'm a 30 year old kissless, dateless virgin. I'm so sorry I have all this power and yet I've done nothing but waste it on my own fears. I have so many things that so many others here want to kill themselves for not being able to have and yet I can't make anything out of it. I can't make a life worth living all I can make is more misery and suffering for the poor females I eventually come to feel attraction for.

I'm so sorry and it's just not enough. The longer I'm allowed to continue to live the more I'll potentially ruin their lives by having me be attracted to them.

I truly feel the only way I can prevent further pain is by CTB. It's the only comfort I have left. I don't care if my family and friends don't want me to. I don't care about their feelings. If anything, I laugh at the fact they were tricked by someone as stupid as me into caring. None of them even actually want to help me in a way that actually makes sense to me. All I get told is the same cliche stupid platitudes like how I'm not an incel, I'm not evil, I can find someone. Shut up already! Why the fuck would I not be an incel if I made it this long as a virgin? They then say that 30 isn't that old. YES. IT. IS. Be fucking for serious. If I was someone they didn't know or someone they disagree with of course they'd believe that a 30 year old virgin is pathetic. Why am I so special? I'm not! I'm not special and that's why my death should mean nothing to them!

I have two more days off of work before I see her next but I don't expect things will get any better anytime soon. If you're still here, thanks for seeing this shitty rant I guess. It's not like it means anything. I just wanted to occupy some space and maybe grab some attention. I don't know. I want love so bad but I know I don't deserve it. I know that even if I move on I'll never fully be over this current interest and that's no fair to whoever comes next. My panic attack was related to me hurting people around me. I almost injured someone with the cart I was pushing because I was so distracted.

 

[Olisop21.]

What is an incel?

 

[Againstthewind]

I don't believe you are pathetic at all. Your situation is valid.

But I see you are wrapping yourself up and punishing yourself for things you see as a failure and getting more and more angry with yourself, when this goal that you want to achieve doesn't get achieved.

Now I understand the difficulties of working and being around someone that you clearly interested in. You are also worried about turning out like someone that you clearly do not like. You have the power to control how you react to these situations and what you do about them.

What I wanna ask you is why is losing your virginity, falling in love and sex, going to make you feel better about yourself? It's almost a goal that you feel you need to satisfy that you're worthy as a person. When really you're worth as a person is one, how you feel about yourself and two, if you wanna put that worthiness in someone else's hands, that would be someone that you love and they love you back, but they love you based upon who you are and the similarities that you have and other things et cetera.

Now you may think well what do you know, you don't understand my situation, society bases, a man off sex, and how many women he has been with because of all this nonsense online from influences, and whatever else.

But I want you to think about your worth, worth isn't based upon someone else, or what they think of you, the idea of, worth, is based upon what you think about you, now, I know you don't think very highly of yourself.

But is this woman gonna make you feel better about your worth, or is she going to tick the box of the goal you want which is to lose your virginity? Or a mixture?

I don't want to sound judgemental, just talking about something with you, which is clearly making you unhappy, my man, I just noticed the situation with this woman is making you feel worse, generally, then the shame you have of you losing your virginity.

 

[sserafim]

Don't be so hard on yourself. You need to improve your self image and believe that you are worthy of love

 

[slightoverlooked]

to me u dont sound like a bad person and in no line u insulted or belittled a woman.
i dont want to give unasked advice but have you considered going to therapy? Honestly we as humans love company and love (its a normal human desire) but first and foremost we should love ourselves. And when one person doesnt like us that has nothing to do with us. You can still be a great worthy person and trust me many ppl find love later in life. The problem with hating oneself is not that you are not deserving of love but that you will have a hard time believing anyone likes you but still focus on looking out for it even if it might not satisfy you in the end.
Society is dumb and puts virginity on a weird pedestal imo. It doesnt define your worth.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

What is an incel?

Short for "involuntary celibate". It's a handy term for shutting down anyone you don't like on the internet. Being one is the main reason I deserve to be wiped out.

What I wanna ask you is why is losing your virginity, falling in love and sex, going to make you feel better about yourself? It's almost a goal that you feel you need to satisfy that you're worthy as a person. When really you're worth as a person is one, how you feel about yourself and two, if you wanna put that worthiness in someone else's hands, that would be someone that you love and they love you back, but they love you based upon who you are and the similarities that you have and other things et cetera.

I think I am just selfish for caring so much. Every strand of dna in my body screams to be given the opportunity to pass on its genes like some kind of mind altering parasite. How I feel about myself is irrelevant when I know that in the past, when I was close to entering a relationship with someone who I thought liked me back, I started to feel all of my self loathing and such melt away. I felt my fractured psyche begin to merge into a more complete person and yet because the process was interrupted I fear I may have become permanently corrupted.

Now you may think well what do you know, you don't understand my situation, society bases, a man off sex, and how many women he has been with because of all this nonsense online from influences, and whatever else.

But I want you to think about your worth, worth isn't based upon someone else, or what they think of you, the idea of, worth, is based upon what you think about you, now, I know you don't think very highly of yourself.

But is this woman gonna make you feel better about your worth, or is she going to tick the box of the goal you want which is to lose your virginity? Or a mixture?

I don't want to sound judgemental, just talking about something with you, which is clearly making you unhappy, my man, I just noticed the situation with this woman is making you feel worse, generally, then the shame you have of you losing your virginity.

Admittedly, losing my virginity isn't my end goal. I just use it as a way of describing what's wrong with me. Society has all these stereotypes of what an older adult virgin is like and they all seem to encapsulate just how miserable I am quite well. The truth is I just want a romantic relationship that comes with ALL of its benefits but deep down it probably is just about the sex which I feel makes me pretty disgusting and perverted for not being able to come up with a better reason to live.

The woman I like now just seems like someone who liked me at first and that's how I began to like her back. I don't know why but I find it incredibly difficult to actually get attracted to someone in the first place which is why when I do I seem to get way too attached. Maybe she can't provide what I want for me but if that's the case, then I'd rather just give up then have to wait the decade it would probably take to move on again. It just takes too long to heal. If I think a 30 year old virgin is pathetic, I definitely don't want to stick around to be a 40 year old one.

Don't be so hard on yourself. You need to improve your self image and believe that you are worthy of love

I wish it were that easy. I know it must be frustrating for everyone who looks at my situation and sees that I refuse to climb out just because the right person hasn't handed me a ladder yet even though I probably don't even need one to get out. It's messed up but oftentimes even when I consider feeling better about myself and reaping the benefits of that I get mad because why should future me get to have all the fun when I have had to be the one to suffer for him? I hate that guy so it's not fair that I should have to work just to make him feel good about himself.

to me u dont sound like a bad person and in no line u insulted or belittled a woman.
i dont want to give unasked advice but have you considered going to therapy? Honestly we as humans love company and love (its a normal human desire) but first and foremost we should love ourselves. And when one person doesnt like us that has nothing to do with us. You can still be a great worthy person and trust me many ppl find love later in life. The problem with hating oneself is not that you are not deserving of love but that you will have a hard time believing anyone likes you but still focus on looking out for it even if it might not satisfy you in the end.
Society is dumb and puts virginity on a weird pedestal imo. It doesnt define your worth.

I've mentioned it before but I don't find therapy very useful because it only helps me feel good in the moment and never helps outside of the sessions which are often too far apart because every therapist is overworked and burnt out already from people with real problems.

I don't want to have to wait any longer to find love later in life. I want it right now and accept no substitutions. I suppose my worth doesn't have to relate to my virginity. I'm sure if I went out and did it with someone I never met and will never see again I'd probably still feel worthless. I'd rather just have someone love me but I know I don't do anything to deserve it so rather than put someone through something like that I should really just end my existence before my anguish and rage gets too much and I genuinely hurt some people.

 

[Silent_cries]

In case you haven't seen my last status, which to be fair, why would you? On Monday I had a full-on panic attack during my shift at work. The girl I have a crush on wasn't working that day but she was there all the same, shopping with another man. I didn't get time to check if this man was actually cucking me or not but it doesn't matter because of the way she looked at me when she saw me. She looked kind of terrified to see me because she immediately turned away instead of even acknowledging or trying to greet me. That was all she needed to do. I think it's well and truly over. I think September might be too late. I really want to CTB sooner while the despair is still icy hot but I still need to prepare some more.

Now I know what you might be thinking, "so what? Just move on, idiot." Well guess what? I don't want to. I give up on life but I will not give up on her because I feel like this is a good reminder of why I need to die in the first place. She clearly hates me and the second I foolishly move on to someone else is the moment I set my heart up to just get broken again. I feel like even if I did manage to find someone at this point I'm carrying so much anger and trauma from my previous rejections that whoever is stupid enough to give me a chance is in for a rude awakening. I fear I will become like my father where all I can do is solve my issues with yelling and violence. I wish he had killed himself but he never would. The only way I can move forward is to move away from living.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I'm so pathetic that I had a real life or death panic attack just because I got implicitly rejected. I'm such a cowardly spineless disgusting little creep for placing all my self worth into someone who must know how evil I am and that's why she doesn't like me. There's people here suffering from real problems and here I am being this affected by something as mundane and pathetic as this. Even other incels face genuine issues with having a lack of height or friends. I'm six feet tall and have lots of friends and yet I still managed to fuck up so badly that I'm a 30 year old kissless, dateless virgin. I'm so sorry I have all this power and yet I've done nothing but waste it on my own fears. I have so many things that so many others here want to kill themselves for not being able to have and yet I can't make anything out of it. I can't make a life worth living all I can make is more misery and suffering for the poor females I eventually come to feel attraction for.

I'm so sorry and it's just not enough. The longer I'm allowed to continue to live the more I'll potentially ruin their lives by having me be attracted to them.

I truly feel the only way I can prevent further pain is by CTB. It's the only comfort I have left. I don't care if my family and friends don't want me to. I don't care about their feelings. If anything, I laugh at the fact they were tricked by someone as stupid as me into caring. None of them even actually want to help me in a way that actually makes sense to me. All I get told is the same cliche stupid platitudes like how I'm not an incel, I'm not evil, I can find someone. Shut up already! Why the fuck would I not be an incel if I made it this long as a virgin? They then say that 30 isn't that old. YES. IT. IS. Be fucking for serious. If I was someone they didn't know or someone they disagree with of course they'd believe that a 30 year old virgin is pathetic. Why am I so special? I'm not! I'm not special and that's why my death should mean nothing to them!

I have two more days off of work before I see her next but I don't expect things will get any better anytime soon. If you're still here, thanks for seeing this shitty rant I guess. It's not like it means anything. I just wanted to occupy some space and maybe grab some attention. I don't know. I want love so bad but I know I don't deserve it. I know that even if I move on I'll never fully be over this current interest and that's no fair to whoever comes next. My panic attack was related to me hurting people around me. I almost injured someone with the cart I was pushing because I was so distracted.

Idk if it helps, but ur not alone. I tend to overreact to the most ridiculous things as well. Doesn't help the fact that I'm a huge overthinker too.

 

[divinemistress36]

I don't mean for this to sound insensitive but have you thought about getting an escort?

 

[ewlife]

I'm sorry you're having a hard time.

Some thoughts:
- Virginity is a social construct, it is not real, and it absolutely does not define your worth. I empathize with your pain of not living up to this societal standard that's been drilled into all of us. But it does not make you pathetic or deserving of the hate that you're giving yourself.
- Calling women "girls" and "females" instead of women is a huge red flag. Consider why you're using language that describes children and anatomy when you label us. You will never be in a fulfilling relationship if you don't respect the person you're with.

Best of luck.

 

[BardBarrie]

In case you haven't seen my last status, which to be fair, why would you? On Monday I had a full-on panic attack during my shift at work. The girl I have a crush on wasn't working that day but she was there all the same, shopping with another man. I didn't get time to check if this man was actually cucking me or not but it doesn't matter because of the way she looked at me when she saw me. She looked kind of terrified to see me because she immediately turned away instead of even acknowledging or trying to greet me. That was all she needed to do. I think it's well and truly over. I think September might be too late. I really want to CTB sooner while the despair is still icy hot but I still need to prepare some more.

Now I know what you might be thinking, "so what? Just move on, idiot." Well guess what? I don't want to. I give up on life but I will not give up on her because I feel like this is a good reminder of why I need to die in the first place. She clearly hates me and the second I foolishly move on to someone else is the moment I set my heart up to just get broken again. I feel like even if I did manage to find someone at this point I'm carrying so much anger and trauma from my previous rejections that whoever is stupid enough to give me a chance is in for a rude awakening. I fear I will become like my father where all I can do is solve my issues with yelling and violence. I wish he had killed himself but he never would. The only way I can move forward is to move away from living.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I'm so pathetic that I had a real life or death panic attack just because I got implicitly rejected. I'm such a cowardly spineless disgusting little creep for placing all my self worth into someone who must know how evil I am and that's why she doesn't like me. There's people here suffering from real problems and here I am being this affected by something as mundane and pathetic as this. Even other incels face genuine issues with having a lack of height or friends. I'm six feet tall and have lots of friends and yet I still managed to fuck up so badly that I'm a 30 year old kissless, dateless virgin. I'm so sorry I have all this power and yet I've done nothing but waste it on my own fears. I have so many things that so many others here want to kill themselves for not being able to have and yet I can't make anything out of it. I can't make a life worth living all I can make is more misery and suffering for the poor females I eventually come to feel attraction for.

I'm so sorry and it's just not enough. The longer I'm allowed to continue to live the more I'll potentially ruin their lives by having me be attracted to them.

I truly feel the only way I can prevent further pain is by CTB. It's the only comfort I have left. I don't care if my family and friends don't want me to. I don't care about their feelings. If anything, I laugh at the fact they were tricked by someone as stupid as me into caring. None of them even actually want to help me in a way that actually makes sense to me. All I get told is the same cliche stupid platitudes like how I'm not an incel, I'm not evil, I can find someone. Shut up already! Why the fuck would I not be an incel if I made it this long as a virgin? They then say that 30 isn't that old. YES. IT. IS. Be fucking for serious. If I was someone they didn't know or someone they disagree with of course they'd believe that a 30 year old virgin is pathetic. Why am I so special? I'm not! I'm not special and that's why my death should mean nothing to them!

I have two more days off of work before I see her next but I don't expect things will get any better anytime soon. If you're still here, thanks for seeing this shitty rant I guess. It's not like it means anything. I just wanted to occupy some space and maybe grab some attention. I don't know. I want love so bad but I know I don't deserve it. I know that even if I move on I'll never fully be over this current interest and that's no fair to whoever comes next. My panic attack was related to me hurting people around me. I almost injured someone with the cart I was pushing because I was so distracted.

Do yourself a favour and ditch the TRP/Incel online communities — that stuff is toxic to men as well as women.

Also you're saying this crush is legit afraid of you, in that case please leave her alone. I know it's not easy but it sounds like an unhealthy obsession which is consuming you and frightening her.

Despite how some elements of society may try to insist, a man's worth is not actually measured by how many women he's slept with.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

@Dr Iron Arc I read your entire post. I'm also a kissless, handholdless, virgin. Recently I started getting attached to someone because he showed me some crumbs of attention and then even though I knew from the start that there was no way it would ever amount to anything, I still got hurt when that was proven true and felt so utterly pathetic for wanting him in the first place. I understand this pain all too well, even welled up while reading your post.

The fundamental problem here is not our self-worth or how society frames virginity and whatnot, it's that we are human beings who have a basic need that's not being met. It is absolutely not true that you have to "love yourself before someone else can love you," in fact most people who are in relationships don't, and the mere fact of being loved can have a huge healing effect and can allow us to actually start making progress towards building self-worth. And to anyone who would wilfully misunderstand me, no, I'm not saying it's going to solve all our problems, I'm saying it's going to make solving them easier. This isn't just conjecture, there are studies that show that people in long-term marriages are the most prosperous in life, both mentally and physically.

I can't speak for you, but for me, my issue is not so much with the label "virgin" but with the fact that I've never known what it's like to be that close to another human being, to want and be wanted, to be touched, to have a mutually intimate experience. That is what weighs on me. And I know theoretically that there's "someone out there for me" but in the intervening time, I'm still going to have to suffer with touch starvation and all the rest, so it's really unhelpful for people to say that. Plus, I have no idea when or if that's even ever going to happen. A few months? A year? Multiple years? At what point do you throw in the towel and say I'd rather be embraced by nonexistence than play this waiting game?

Anyway I'm sorry you're going through this, it's truly horrible to have your hopes and disappointments dictated by unintelligent biology, and to feel that your body is working against you and causing you undue pain.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I don't mean for this to sound insensitive but have you thought about getting an escort?

Escorts are a) expensive, b) illegal, and c) probably not going to help my situation long term.

- Calling women "girls" and "females" instead of women is a huge red flag. Consider why you're using language that describes children and anatomy when you label us. You will never be in a fulfilling relationship if you don't respect the person you're with.

Best of luck.

I'm just one big red flag already. I say girl cause it's a few letters and syllables shorter than woman not because I think that women are any lesser than men, which I don't believe at all.

Do yourself a favour and ditch the TRP/Incel online communities — that stuff is toxic to men as well as women.

Also you're saying this crush is legit afraid of you, in that case please leave her alone. I know it's not easy but it sounds like an unhealthy obsession which is consuming you and frightening her.

Despite how some elements of society may try to insist, a man's worth is not actually measured by how many women he's slept with.

You're right I should just give up and kill myself but I won't because I'm clinging to some false hope. I don't have proof that she ACTUALLY fears or hates me. I just have my own interpretations of her actions which I am aware I am known to exaggerate and misinterpret. This uncertainty is unfortunately the only thing keeping me going really. Maybe if I knew for sure I'd back off or maybe I wouldn't and I'm very terrified of the latter outcome.

@Dr Iron Arc I read your entire post. I'm also a kissless, handholdless, virgin. Recently I started getting attached to someone because he showed me some crumbs of attention and then even though I knew from the start that there was no way it would ever amount to anything, I still got hurt when that was proven true and felt so utterly pathetic for wanting him in the first place. I understand this pain all too well, even welled up while reading your post.

The fundamental problem here is not our self-worth or how society frames virginity and whatnot, it's that we are human beings who have a basic need that's not being met. It is absolutely not true that you have to "love yourself before someone else can love you," in fact most people who are in relationships don't, and the mere fact of being loved can have a huge healing effect and can allow us to actually start making progress towards building self-worth. And to anyone who would wilfully misunderstand me, no, I'm not saying it's going to solve all our problems, I'm saying it's going to make solving them easier. This isn't just conjecture, there are studies that show that people in long-term marriages are the most prosperous in life, both mentally and physically.

I can't speak for you, but for me, my issue is not so much with the label "virgin" but with the fact that I've never known what it's like to be that close to another human being, to want and be wanted, to be touched, to have a mutually intimate experience. That is what weighs on me. And I know theoretically that there's "someone out there for me" but in the intervening time, I'm still going to have to suffer with touch starvation and all the rest, so it's really unhelpful for people to say that. Plus, I have no idea when or if that's even ever going to happen. A few months? A year? Multiple years? At what point do you throw in the towel and say I'd rather be embraced by nonexistence than play this waiting game?

Anyway I'm sorry you're going through this, it's truly horrible to have your hopes and disappointments dictated by unintelligent biology, and to feel that your body is working against you and causing you undue pain.

You've described pretty much exactly how I feel in an even better way than I could have thought of. I wish there was a solution for us.

 

[Ampsvx123]

Never struggled with girls, it's obvious what they desire, but never excelled at it like an angel would. I am a virgin out of religious reasons. I would take no joy whatsoever in a casual love relationship. There is only greatness in perfection, to see her eyes light up forever is what I wish, no ephemeral human has the mean to do so, only angels are fair enough for this.
Loneliness is a terrible flaw. Solitude is God's gift! Embrace the good in u, cherish it all time, to be by oneself in the ephemeral is of the most precious.
Why is it that u do no like ur Earthy presence? Is it truly about beauty? Would a great soul hate himself if his face is all burned up for the brief of a few years?

Selfishness/solipsism is of the eternal/ethereal, humbleness/worthlessness from the ephemeral/material.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Never struggled with girls, it's obvious what they desire, but never excelled at it like an angel would. I am a virgin out of religious reasons. I would take no joy whatsoever in a casual love relationship. There is only greatness in perfection, to see her eyes light up forever is what I wish, no ephemeral human has the mean to do so, only angels are fair enough for this.
Loneliness is a terrible flaw. Solitude is God's gift! Embrace the good in u, cherish it all time, to be by oneself in the ephemeral is of the most precious.
Why is it that u do no like ur Earthy presence? Is it truly about beauty? Would a great soul hate himself if his face is all burned up for the brief of a few years?

Selfishness/solipsism is of the eternal/ethereal, humbleness/worthlessness from the ephemeral/material.

That all sounds great for you but the thought of keeping it up for another few decades doesn't appeal to me in the slightest.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

What is an incel?

Incel or involuntary celibate is a term to refers to those who are virgins and who have trouble with finding a romantic relationship despite their best efforts. The term was coined by a queer woman to describe herself and her experiences and it eventually led to the creation of the incel community. Originally, the community was very nice, with incels giving each other support, tips on socializing, sharing their experiences, etc. Sadly, over time the community became toxic and now it's generally associated with sexist men who advocate for violence against women. As a result, the term is now more commonly used to specifically refer to sexist men who are involuntary celibates. Their community is actually considered a terrorist organization in some countries, if I remember correctly.

Anyway, I don't think you're an incel op. The term has evolved to have some very negative connotations connected to it and you seem like a pretty decent person. I think it'd be better to just call yourself a virgin and try to avoid the incel community altogether. They'll just drag you down.

 

[unabletocope]

I had issues with women up to a certain age (28) on the basis that I was very unlucky in my circumstances/happened to meet girls/women growing up who were pretty hard on me. People are hard, women are hard. It's a fact of life and to some extent my drive to suicide is driven by that, although I think where we differ is that you seem focused on someone who reacted to you strongly. I feel that and I feel for you. What I would say as advice to you is that it is probably worth assessing the things that may cause people to react to you like this person did and hiring an escort. Don't bother looking for one in your area, go to Amsterdam (I've met guys who use them illegally and let's just say it's a lot of chasing and it's pretty wild). You are feeling suicidal and I feel that but it's not worth letting hangups cloud it and I think you're in a position to maybe shake it out a bit, come to suicide in a more informed place. Good luck man

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Anyway, I don't think you're an incel op. The term has evolved to have some very negative connotations connected to it and you seem like a pretty decent person. I think it'd be better to just call yourself a virgin and try to avoid the incel community altogether. They'll just drag you down.

I don't think calling myself anything different will really change that I fundamentally am an incel even if I don't share most of their beliefs or consume any of the content. The only thing that will prove I'm not one I guess is if someone gave me a chance and made me no longer involuntarily celibate but I'm aware no one should have to be forced into doing this for me. It's like saying someone isn't atheist just because they don't follow Richard Dawkins or constantly scroll Reddit but the point is they still believe in no religion and that won't take away from their atheism. Plus when I call myself an incel it was supposed to do a better job of keeping people away from me so I wouldn't have to get my heart broken again but looks like I fucked up this time.

What I would say as advice to you is that it is probably worth assessing the things that may cause people to react to you like this person did and hiring an escort. Don't bother looking for one in your area, go to Amsterdam (I've met guys who use them illegally and let's just say it's a lot of chasing and it's pretty wild). You are feeling suicidal and I feel that but it's not worth letting hangups cloud it and I think you're in a position to maybe shake it out a bit, come to suicide in a more informed place. Good luck man

The thing is I can't even be sure she actually reacted to me like I said or if I just imagined it in a state of panic. When it comes to this kind of thing I can never be sure of myself and I'm too cowardly to find out the truth. Like I mentioned earlier, I don't plan to hire an escort even if I went to Amsterdam for it cause it'd be hard to explain why I'm going there alone…

 

[unabletocope]

The thing is I can't even be sure she actually reacted to me like I said or if I just imagined it in a state of panic. When it comes to this kind of thing I can never be sure of myself and I'm too cowardly to find out the truth. Like I mentioned earlier, I don't plan to hire an escort even if I went to Amsterdam for it cause it'd be hard to explain why I'm going there alone…

Only way you can be sure is if you play it cool, say something like 'hey no hard feelings, my anxiety is pretty hard and I wasn't sure where I stand with you', might even help you in your job. As for Amsterdam take it from me, I went there on my own when I was 28

 

[Suicidebydeath]

I'm sorry for your suffering. I genuinely believe some people remain virgins / involtunarily celibate undeservedly. Whenever I think about my own relationships I just feel like there is a heavy luck element and I didn't deserve them. I hope something changes for you, honestly 30 isn't that old imo. Age is more of a factor than experience in relationships imo.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I hope something changes for you, honestly 30 isn't that old imo. Age is more of a factor than experience in relationships imo.

I don't know, even if I wasn't so self-deprecating while still being an incel I feel like society at large would still be all too willing to rule my situation as impossible or that I deserve it just because I'm into games and cartoons and stuff. I don't think my age helps attract anyone because I don't even look that old. Part of what drives people away is that I actually look and sound much younger than I am so then when somebody finds out my true age it just makes me seem even more like some kind of creep even though it's just my genetics.

 

[4.I.2.Must.Die]

In case you haven't seen my last status, which to be fair, why would you? On Monday I had a full-on panic attack during my shift at work. The girl I have a crush on wasn't working that day but she was there all the same, shopping with another man. I didn't get time to check if this man was actually cucking me or not but it doesn't matter because of the way she looked at me when she saw me. She looked kind of terrified to see me because she immediately turned away instead of even acknowledging or trying to greet me. That was all she needed to do. I think it's well and truly over. I think September might be too late. I really want to CTB sooner while the despair is still icy hot but I still need to prepare some more.

Now I know what you might be thinking, "so what? Just move on, idiot." Well guess what? I don't want to. I give up on life but I will not give up on her because I feel like this is a good reminder of why I need to die in the first place. She clearly hates me and the second I foolishly move on to someone else is the moment I set my heart up to just get broken again. I feel like even if I did manage to find someone at this point I'm carrying so much anger and trauma from my previous rejections that whoever is stupid enough to give me a chance is in for a rude awakening. I fear I will become like my father where all I can do is solve my issues with yelling and violence. I wish he had killed himself but he never would. The only way I can move forward is to move away from living.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I'm so pathetic that I had a real life or death panic attack just because I got implicitly rejected. I'm such a cowardly spineless disgusting little creep for placing all my self worth into someone who must know how evil I am and that's why she doesn't like me. There's people here suffering from real problems and here I am being this affected by something as mundane and pathetic as this. Even other incels face genuine issues with having a lack of height or friends. I'm six feet tall and have lots of friends and yet I still managed to fuck up so badly that I'm a 30 year old kissless, dateless virgin. I'm so sorry I have all this power and yet I've done nothing but waste it on my own fears. I have so many things that so many others here want to kill themselves for not being able to have and yet I can't make anything out of it. I can't make a life worth living all I can make is more misery and suffering for the poor females I eventually come to feel attraction for.

I'm so sorry and it's just not enough. The longer I'm allowed to continue to live the more I'll potentially ruin their lives by having me be attracted to them.

I truly feel the only way I can prevent further pain is by CTB. It's the only comfort I have left. I don't care if my family and friends don't want me to. I don't care about their feelings. If anything, I laugh at the fact they were tricked by someone as stupid as me into caring. None of them even actually want to help me in a way that actually makes sense to me. All I get told is the same cliche stupid platitudes like how I'm not an incel, I'm not evil, I can find someone. Shut up already! Why the fuck would I not be an incel if I made it this long as a virgin? They then say that 30 isn't that old. YES. IT. IS. Be fucking for serious. If I was someone they didn't know or someone they disagree with of course they'd believe that a 30 year old virgin is pathetic. Why am I so special? I'm not! I'm not special and that's why my death should mean nothing to them!

I have two more days off of work before I see her next but I don't expect things will get any better anytime soon. If you're still here, thanks for seeing this shitty rant I guess. It's not like it means anything. I just wanted to occupy some space and maybe grab some attention. I don't know. I want love so bad but I know I don't deserve it. I know that even if I move on I'll never fully be over this current interest and that's no fair to whoever comes next. My panic attack was related to me hurting people around me. I almost injured someone with the cart I was pushing because I was so distracted.

You're evil alright, just like the title says. An evil muppet No really your profile pic is evil and it's of a Muppet. What did you think I meant

 

[Namarupa]

Sexual frustration is a real issue that unfortunately shrugged off as taboo because of the childish endeavors of romanticism in the modern age. I'm also an older male virgin, but it stopped bothering me once I got engaged in other activities. Sometimes it sucks, but holding onto it might be even more painful.

"Nature has made it the calling of the young, strong, and handsome men to look after the propagation of the human race; so that the species may not degenerate. This is the firm will of Nature, and it finds its expression in the passions of women. This law surpasses all others in both age and power." - Arthur Schopenhauer

 

[theboy]

interesting

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

You're evil alright, just like the title says. An evil muppet No really your profile pic is evil and it's of a Muppet. What did you think I meant

My profile icon used to be Sam the Eagle, who I guess qualifies as evil to some people.

 

[4.I.2.Must.Die]

My profile icon used to be Sam the Eagle, who I guess qualifies as evil to some people.

They really are all a bit scary

 

[Suicidebydeath]

I don't know, even if I wasn't so self-deprecating while still being an incel I feel like society at large would still be all too willing to rule my situation as impossible or that I deserve it just because I'm into games and cartoons and stuff. I don't think my age helps attract anyone because I don't even look that old. Part of what drives people away is that I actually look and sound much younger than I am so then when somebody finds out my true age it just makes me seem even more like some kind of creep even though it's just my genetics.

I like games and "cartoons" too, nothing wrong with that. I also look and sound younger than I am. I recommend telling someone your age first and then dating people that are your age or older, that will get around the whole creep thing because they'll already know your age and won't form a preconception based on how you look and act and hit you with a reaction later. If you end up approaching people that are too young and then they discover your age you would be creating your own dating problems here, you can avoid all that by looking for people close to you in age. I think it can be a struggle to find someone as you get older, so I would start now. If I was you I would be looking from about 25 ish up to 40+. Just find someone who already knows your age and doesn't care if you seem younger.

Anyway, there are still plenty of women that would be happy to date someone in their 30s who looks younger.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I like games and "cartoons" too, nothing wrong with that. I also look and sound younger than I am. I recommend telling someone your age first and then dating people that are your age or older, that will get around the whole creep thing because they'll already know your age and won't form a preconception based on how you look and act and hit you with a reaction later. If you end up approaching people that are too young and then they discover your age you would be creating your own dating problems here, you can avoid all that by looking for people close to you in age. I think it can be a struggle to find someone as you get older, so I would start now. If I was you I would be looking from about 25 ish up to 40+. Just find someone who already knows your age and doesn't care if you seem younger.

Anyway, there are still plenty of women that would be happy to date someone in their 30s who looks younger.

Well the one I like right now is 25 and she knows I'm 30 so there's that. She once complimented me on my good genes and my height. Moments like that are what gave me this false hope in the first place which was what led to this thread I suppose.

 

[Ambivalent1]

What is an incel?

A monster from hell. I wonder what ai images show for "evil incel" lol

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

A monster from hell. I wonder what ai images show for "evil incel" lol

How to Dox Me 101.

 

[Cosis]

- Calling women "girls" and "females" instead of women is a huge red flag. Consider why you're using language that describes children and anatomy when you label us. You will never be in a fulfilling relationship if you don't respect the person you're with.

Really? NO ONE GIVES FUCK WHAT YOU USE......if you're attractive you can call them anything you want because they'll be too busy sucking your dick to care. But if you're a 5 or below suddenly the word police come out of nowhere to criticize your grammar. So what do you do? Change the entire way you speak and think in order to not "offend" anyone. Does it improve anything? FUCK NO. Then they criticize your "mindset" and make things up about your "personality" or shower habits. Just whatever other bullshit they can make-believe like children until they run out of shit to talk. Come back after doing it all and when you refuse to do it all for the 100th time they come with "You just don't want any help dude". You're not allowed to be angry or frustrated because then THAT'S the reason girls don't want you. Anything besides the real reason, you're too ugly in a world where a guy filtered by Photo, Height, Color, and even Dick size will be at a girl's door with one-click on their phone.

No one falls for this idiotic line of crap anymore. Everyone can see all the attractive asshole people around them having no trouble dating people and they refer to women as "bitches" and "whores". They even get married. What you going to say "It's not fulfilling". How the fuck do you know? You know their marriage? He could be a happy King in his castle mentally abusing the fuck out of this girl that worships him. I've seen girls get cheated on just to go back with the guy for him to cheat again and again... Just stop with the damn lies. You want to make someone kill themselves? Constantly parroting this dumbfuck diarrhea about wording is the way to do it.