Venting fantasizing that I had a CTB partner

[qewpie]

I'm pretty severely and suddenly disabled and bedbound by a health issue with no easy resolution (Long COVID(?) doctors have no idea and they haven't done enough testing to rule out other stuff yet. Stupid healthcare system. Definitely some form of post-viral fatigue).

I'm in the care of my 62 year old mom. She doesn't deserve this. I never purchased materials before this happened to me, if I bought SN now she would probably just send me to the psych hospital and I would have an even shittier time. So I'm straight outta luck. In this body I have to rely on drugs just to get 5 hours of absolutely miserable sleep. No napping allowed. It's hell.


So I fantasize someone local to me also wants to CTB and has a shotgun. We'll meet in the middle of the night, sit in their car. Commiserate. and know peace.

But in the meantime I'm forced to persevere. No, suffer. Until I find solutions or heal back a little more independence to do it all on my own. But at that point I just wouldn't be suicidal anymore until I get to age 40.

 

[Ambien addict]

I'm pretty severely and suddenly disabled and bedbound by a health issue with no easy resolution (Long COVID(?) doctors have no idea and they haven't done enough testing to rule out other stuff yet. Stupid healthcare system. Definitely some form of post-viral fatigue).

I'm in the care of my 62 year old mom. She doesn't deserve this. I never purchased materials before this happened to me, if I bought SN now she would probably just send me to the psych hospital and I would have an even shittier time. So I'm straight outta luck. In this body I have to rely on drugs just to get 5 hours of absolutely miserable sleep. No napping allowed. It's hell.


So I fantasize someone local to me also wants to CTB and has a shotgun. We'll meet in the middle of the night, sit in their car. Commiserate. and know peace.

But in the meantime I'm forced to persevere. No, suffer. Until I find solutions or heal back a little more independence to do it all on my own. But at that point I just wouldn't be suicidal anymore until I get to age 40.

This is just what I am going through! I need to find someone to help me do it!!

 

[qewpie]

rheum appt is in november maybe I should just ctb before then!!!!! f********

 

[fedup1982]

Having a CBT partner is a really, really bad idea. If one of you fails and one of you succeeds, the law could land on the survivor like a tonne of bricks. You think life is bad now? Just try it and see!!

And dying is HARD. So if your partner DOES succeed, chances are you will fail. Only one in 20 attempts is successful. So there's a 95% chance you could go to prison for manslaughter. And despite the name, that is no laughing matter.