Venting Anyone been hurt so bad by a partner/someone you loved that it’s a big reason you’re here?

[lightningwallcloud]

One of the major reasons I want to CTB is that I wrecked my life for someone who completely destroyed me. I moved countries for this man. I quit a job I loved to do so. Rebuilt from scratch. He promised me marriage and children. I found out he was cheating on me for the entirety of our relationship (15 years). He never gave me marriage. He lied to me the entire time, almost as if it was a game. Maybe if I was never involved with this monster I could have had someone who loved me and gave me the life I wanted, maybe I wouldn't have suffered for years and suffering even more now. Why ruin my life by lying the entire time? Now I'm in my 30s and living in my home country (USA) with my parents in a shithole economy, my entire life that I sacrificed for him being for nothing and nothing being able to be undone. I do genuinely want him to know he was a big reason for me to CTB, and I intend to make sure the message gets to him when I'm gone, even though he won't give a shit because he apparently never saw me as human. The pain from what he did to me burns my soul every day. Every facet of my life is destroyed (career, living location, independence, ability to have a family and husband, can never go back to what I had before moving for him).

I just really need support from some people who understand.