Venting Anyone been hurt so bad by a partner/someone you loved that it’s a big reason you’re here?

[lightningwallcloud]

One of the major reasons I want to CTB is that I wrecked my life for someone who completely destroyed me. I moved countries for this man. I quit a job I loved to do so. Rebuilt from scratch. He promised me marriage and children. I found out he was cheating on me for the entirety of our relationship (15 years). He never gave me marriage. He lied to me the entire time, almost as if it was a game. Maybe if I was never involved with this monster I could have had someone who loved me and gave me the life I wanted, maybe I wouldn't have suffered for years and suffering even more now. Why ruin my life by lying the entire time? Now I'm in my 30s and living in my home country (USA) with my parents in a shithole economy, my entire life that I sacrificed for him being for nothing and nothing being able to be undone. I do genuinely want him to know he was a big reason for me to CTB, and I intend to make sure the message gets to him when I'm gone, even though he won't give a shit because he apparently never saw me as human. The pain from what he did to me burns my soul every day. Every facet of my life is destroyed (career, living location, independence, ability to have a family and husband, can never go back to what I had before moving for him).

I just really need support from some people who understand.

 

[here_for_now]

I had a bad string of attempted love things and I just gave up, It feels like Im a fucking jester in a humiliation ritual I'd honestly rather bleach my eyes then attempt another intimate relationship again.

 

[bl33ding_heart]

My life will never not revolve around someone I love because of my bpd, it's the main reason my life is so miserable.

 

[Forveleth]

Still living with my abusive partner. One day he will find me dead.

 

[lightningwallcloud]

Still living with my abusive partner. One day he will find me dead.

I hope you find peace no matter what you choose. Abusers are pure evil and I'm always open to chatting to people who have partner abuse as one of their reasons for wanting to CTB.

 

[DragMeIntoPlace911]

One of the major reasons I want to CTB is that I wrecked my life for someone who completely destroyed me. I moved countries for this man. I quit a job I loved to do so. Rebuilt from scratch. He promised me marriage and children. I found out he was cheating on me for the entirety of our relationship (15 years). He never gave me marriage. He lied to me the entire time, almost as if it was a game. Maybe if I was never involved with this monster I could have had someone who loved me and gave me the life I wanted, maybe I wouldn't have suffered for years and suffering even more now. Why ruin my life by lying the entire time? Now I'm in my 30s and living in my home country (USA) with my parents in a shithole economy, my entire life that I sacrificed for him being for nothing and nothing being able to be undone. I do genuinely want him to know he was a big reason for me to CTB, and I intend to make sure the message gets to him when I'm gone, even though he won't give a shit because he apparently never saw me as human. The pain from what he did to me burns my soul every day. Every facet of my life is destroyed (career, living location, independence, ability to have a family and husband, can never go back to what I had before moving for him).

I just really need support from some people who understand.

I was sexually abused and forced to watch my girlfriend cheat on me, every single time for 4 years, I have trauma and triggers when it comes to relationships, every aspects of it.

 

[Passenger4224]

I was in a relationship where he was cheating the whole time. It was short lived, and I knew the whole time, but I was too desperate to care.

He made the one million IQ mistake of telling me he makes money illegally. So when he ditched me I reported him and his undocumented six figures to the IRS. Karma is a bitch I guess.

 

[somedaybutnottoday]

Last night, I wrote, "How do you move on from someone who doesn't want to let you go?" in my journal. He bought me someone else's wilting flowers in response to me saying, "I'll do anything to get away from you. Anything."

I'll probably be dead or in a psych ward at the end of the week.

 

[rorosbones]

i've lost a lot of people in the past few years, and every time someone abandons me the pattern keeps growing. it's clear i'm the issue in these relationships, so maybe having loved ones isn't worth it anymore

 

[littleswan18]

Yes, one of my reasons.
When I was a teenager I had a giant crush on a very well known guy in my city. Once me and him connected, he was very physically aggressive with me. I was 17, he was 25. When people found out we were messing around, it was deemed my fault. Months of harassment ensued. That was the first time I tried to CTB. All these years later, it still weighs heavy on my mind. I still see him around sometimes.
Sending hugs to everybody else in this thread, perhaps one day it will get easier for us.

 

[smirks00ts]

I dont know if this is relatable to this but I lost a lot of my friends and my partners because of something I did I dont want to talk about. to this day I miss them so much and I want to die because I would rather be a dying corpse than hurt anyone else anymore.

 

[valar_morghulis21]

One of the major reasons I want to CTB is that I wrecked my life for someone who completely destroyed me. I moved countries for this man. I quit a job I loved to do so. Rebuilt from scratch. He promised me marriage and children. I found out he was cheating on me for the entirety of our relationship (15 years). He never gave me marriage. He lied to me the entire time, almost as if it was a game. Maybe if I was never involved with this monster I could have had someone who loved me and gave me the life I wanted, maybe I wouldn't have suffered for years and suffering even more now. Why ruin my life by lying the entire time? Now I'm in my 30s and living in my home country (USA) with my parents in a shithole economy, my entire life that I sacrificed for him being for nothing and nothing being able to be undone. I do genuinely want him to know he was a big reason for me to CTB, and I intend to make sure the message gets to him when I'm gone, even though he won't give a shit because he apparently never saw me as human. The pain from what he did to me burns my soul every day. Every facet of my life is destroyed (career, living location, independence, ability to have a family and husband, can never go back to what I had before moving for him).

I just really need support from some people who understand.

Not a specific someone. But a general pattern of people come and go and backstab me throughout the years. Don't think I'd care again about anyone, beside my mom. I'm disposable and so are they.

 

[Aren]

One of the major reasons I want to CTB is that I wrecked my life for someone who completely destroyed me. I moved countries for this man. I quit a job I loved to do so. Rebuilt from scratch. He promised me marriage and children. I found out he was cheating on me for the entirety of our relationship (15 years). He never gave me marriage. He lied to me the entire time, almost as if it was a game. Maybe if I was never involved with this monster I could have had someone who loved me and gave me the life I wanted, maybe I wouldn't have suffered for years and suffering even more now. Why ruin my life by lying the entire time? Now I'm in my 30s and living in my home country (USA) with my parents in a shithole economy, my entire life that I sacrificed for him being for nothing and nothing being able to be undone. I do genuinely want him to know he was a big reason for me to CTB, and I intend to make sure the message gets to him when I'm gone, even though he won't give a shit because he apparently never saw me as human. The pain from what he did to me burns my soul every day. Every facet of my life is destroyed (career, living location, independence, ability to have a family and husband, can never go back to what I had before moving for him).

I just really need support from some people who understand.

Yes. She died, she was the love of my life. I can't live without her, i tried but nothing can bring me light other than her.

 

[voidstar]

Yup. Not gonna type it out, I'm just gonna link my post. Sending hugs to you all :(

Thread 'Advice/Input wanted: ending it next to someone you love' https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...ed-ending-it-next-to-someone-you-love.252150/