I don't understand why my life had to go like this, but it did. It's been a long 4 years since I've ever had a good life, a life I can call my own.
It all started innocently enough, me and my ex were together for 3 years but things went south. He stopped caring about me and I stopped caring about him, so we broke up. And at the beginning, it was a normal break up. He told me that we could remain friends and it'll take 3 months for us to be okay again, I wasn't ready to find anyone yet.
Those days were normal, I was spending my time going out of the house as much as possible. Trying to keep myself busy. It was sunny out, I was helping my dad move rabbit cages. I was buying things with the leftover money I had.
But only 3 weeks later my ex contacted me crying his eyes out, telling me that he made a mistake. I'd do anything to say no.
For 8 weeks he took me back and made me fix things, get a job after being too anxious, save more money, push aside my baby fever. And I did this for him, I even brought an Xbox One so we could play together more. But I started to become weaker and wasn't able to walk much any more, I woke up with severe 200bpm palpitations and was in and out of the hospital.
My mum became abusive and began to starve me, my ex promised we could move out together, I was kicked out of my family home and made homeless.
But this isn't the thing that's making me want to disappear, it isn't the only thing. At the time, my ex was being haunted by a spirit. I'm not going to hear anyone tell me this isn't real or a mental illness.
In the relationship he'd often bring up that he was haunted by a spirit, that would appear whenever he became depressed. It had been around since he was young. And my ex doesn't want to believe this, but he used to practice curse work and I think that's where the entity came from.
As I write this I feel a very strong draft around me...
And during the time my ex made me fix things, whenever I spoke to him I began to feel a heavy drain. Like something was sucking my energy from me. And that's why I found it really hard to walk.
And it got worse, I was hunched over on the floor feeling this physical pulling. And my mum went from caring about me, offering to take me on holiday to becoming abusive and starving me in the same month. This isn't just a coincidence.
My mum told me she could sense something dark.
Time went by... my ex found a way to banish the entity from himself after he was near posessed so life got better for him. He then went onto finding a new relationship and was able to get the life he wanted.
But me? I've been left alone... for 4 years... with the entity... draining my dopamine daily... no peace... I'm not even able to live the life I wanted.
What happens is that this entity feeds off of positivity, unlike ones who channel negativity. I'm scared even on a suicide forum that nobody is going to believe me. Funny how that works.
One of the biggest reasons I'm wanting to leave, is because people are refusing to help. It feels like anyone who could help me is being gatekept from me.
I have tried to make a post on a witchcraft community only to have it taken down automatically again and again. The moderators get snappy, they insist that it isn't related to witchcraft despite spiritual work being a part of it. I try to ask for someone to ward me, to help me create a proper protective ward and I get my posts removed.
I told them that it was my last avenue and the most hurtful thing they did was tell me that to them, it doesn't matter...
And it feels like whenever I do try to get help the only thing that matters is people's own emotions. I get told by spiritualists that they got rid of the spirit, or that there isn't one they can see. Despite telling them everything it had done. The reiki healer I used to see is suddenly treating me with strictness whenever I see her, she doesn't listen.
I can be sat here burning and they just look past me.
I don't want a life like this. All I ever wanted was a baby and a boyfriend. And that's all.
But I can't, because every day the entity is draining my dopamine. So I can't even do the simple things like enjoy a TV show or settle into my house, because I can't feel full relaxation or happiness. I can't get a boyfriend, because whenever I do the entity seems to blank my thoughts so I can't even form a bond with them. I have developed palpitations as I'm under intense stress every day.
And the scariest thing is. I'm scared you will read this. And you may tell me it's not real. That it's mental illness. That I'm schizophrenic. That my ex did this. That the spirit can be pushed away. That I should try healing or antidepressants or a therapist.
I'm suffering. And nobody will ever see it.
I just wanted my life back.
My ex is fully aware of my situation. He's aware that I haven't got much left. He's aware that I've tried warding, that I've tried to get rid of it but he's now chosen to ignore me...
He is the only one who knows witchcraft and black magic. People kept saying to me, "you need to cut your ex off, don't go back to him" and yet why won't you help me then? If you don't want me to go back to him, why do you delete my posts and prevent me from getting any support?
I'm forced to go back to him and ask for his help because everyone else sees me as schizophrenic or just don't listen. He's the only one who has.
I keep longing for the day I can cut my ex off and be able to get a loving relationship and move on and have my freedom. Just like him.
People say go to a therapist, but my therapist believes it ISN'T mental health and told me to go to a reiki healer. If I'm mentally ill why is my therapist agreeing with me!?
It all started innocently enough, me and my ex were together for 3 years but things went south. He stopped caring about me and I stopped caring about him, so we broke up. And at the beginning, it was a normal break up. He told me that we could remain friends and it'll take 3 months for us to be okay again, I wasn't ready to find anyone yet.
Those days were normal, I was spending my time going out of the house as much as possible. Trying to keep myself busy. It was sunny out, I was helping my dad move rabbit cages. I was buying things with the leftover money I had.
But only 3 weeks later my ex contacted me crying his eyes out, telling me that he made a mistake. I'd do anything to say no.
For 8 weeks he took me back and made me fix things, get a job after being too anxious, save more money, push aside my baby fever. And I did this for him, I even brought an Xbox One so we could play together more. But I started to become weaker and wasn't able to walk much any more, I woke up with severe 200bpm palpitations and was in and out of the hospital.
My mum became abusive and began to starve me, my ex promised we could move out together, I was kicked out of my family home and made homeless.
But this isn't the thing that's making me want to disappear, it isn't the only thing. At the time, my ex was being haunted by a spirit. I'm not going to hear anyone tell me this isn't real or a mental illness.
In the relationship he'd often bring up that he was haunted by a spirit, that would appear whenever he became depressed. It had been around since he was young. And my ex doesn't want to believe this, but he used to practice curse work and I think that's where the entity came from.
As I write this I feel a very strong draft around me...
And during the time my ex made me fix things, whenever I spoke to him I began to feel a heavy drain. Like something was sucking my energy from me. And that's why I found it really hard to walk.
And it got worse, I was hunched over on the floor feeling this physical pulling. And my mum went from caring about me, offering to take me on holiday to becoming abusive and starving me in the same month. This isn't just a coincidence.
My mum told me she could sense something dark.
Time went by... my ex found a way to banish the entity from himself after he was near posessed so life got better for him. He then went onto finding a new relationship and was able to get the life he wanted.
But me? I've been left alone... for 4 years... with the entity... draining my dopamine daily... no peace... I'm not even able to live the life I wanted.
What happens is that this entity feeds off of positivity, unlike ones who channel negativity. I'm scared even on a suicide forum that nobody is going to believe me. Funny how that works.
One of the biggest reasons I'm wanting to leave, is because people are refusing to help. It feels like anyone who could help me is being gatekept from me.
I have tried to make a post on a witchcraft community only to have it taken down automatically again and again. The moderators get snappy, they insist that it isn't related to witchcraft despite spiritual work being a part of it. I try to ask for someone to ward me, to help me create a proper protective ward and I get my posts removed.
I told them that it was my last avenue and the most hurtful thing they did was tell me that to them, it doesn't matter...
And it feels like whenever I do try to get help the only thing that matters is people's own emotions. I get told by spiritualists that they got rid of the spirit, or that there isn't one they can see. Despite telling them everything it had done. The reiki healer I used to see is suddenly treating me with strictness whenever I see her, she doesn't listen.
I can be sat here burning and they just look past me.
I don't want a life like this. All I ever wanted was a baby and a boyfriend. And that's all.
But I can't, because every day the entity is draining my dopamine. So I can't even do the simple things like enjoy a TV show or settle into my house, because I can't feel full relaxation or happiness. I can't get a boyfriend, because whenever I do the entity seems to blank my thoughts so I can't even form a bond with them. I have developed palpitations as I'm under intense stress every day.
And the scariest thing is. I'm scared you will read this. And you may tell me it's not real. That it's mental illness. That I'm schizophrenic. That my ex did this. That the spirit can be pushed away. That I should try healing or antidepressants or a therapist.
I'm suffering. And nobody will ever see it.
I just wanted my life back.
My ex is fully aware of my situation. He's aware that I haven't got much left. He's aware that I've tried warding, that I've tried to get rid of it but he's now chosen to ignore me...
He is the only one who knows witchcraft and black magic. People kept saying to me, "you need to cut your ex off, don't go back to him" and yet why won't you help me then? If you don't want me to go back to him, why do you delete my posts and prevent me from getting any support?
I'm forced to go back to him and ask for his help because everyone else sees me as schizophrenic or just don't listen. He's the only one who has.
I keep longing for the day I can cut my ex off and be able to get a loving relationship and move on and have my freedom. Just like him.
People say go to a therapist, but my therapist believes it ISN'T mental health and told me to go to a reiki healer. If I'm mentally ill why is my therapist agreeing with me!?
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