Venting i think my mom doesn't care

[m4rmaid]

so today i heard her vent her rage to my grandma about my eating disorder and how im refusing food. she's convinced I'm trying to kill myself via starvation, which i think is ridiculous. i didn't care at first until i heard her say that she no longer cares if i die anymore, and that i might as well go ahead so she can be done and over with me. she also said that she'd be a little sad at first, then she would soon forget and it would be nothing. haha, i guess i was too attached to the idea that i wont be so forgettable, even to her. i was wrong. regardless, i asked her if she hadn't for a moment thought that what she said was hurtful, she ignored me and then when i asked her if she would be upset if her mother had said the same, to which she dismissed me saying she wouldn't.

my plan wasn't to ctb by starvation whatsoever, my ed just got worse over time without me realising. i had also passed out yesterday from the fatigue, and my muscles are aching. i feel weak, i can hardly do anything. her words today triggered me so badly, i was holding off my plan to ctb, but now i guess ive lost more and more meaning in life.

 

[bl33ding_heart]

Some parents seriously don't deserve to have kids at all. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I understand how horrible it feels. My mom didn't care about me at all during my worst moments and even tried to kick me out when I was 13. If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to message me.

 

[HNR_]

Absolutely unforgivable behavior on her end, fucking hell...
My mother passed away from her ED, her mother (my grandma) was harsh to her for her entire life but even she wouldn't have said anything of that kind

 

[SASU-KE]

Tons of people shouldn't be having kids. Your mother's one of them. I heard that exact line from my mother though. I used to drive a motorcycle as a teenager, and one time I told my mother that I had been having thoughts of driving into oncoming traffic. She responded with "well, I'll feel sad for some time, then I'll get over it"