Help Should I engage with Mental Health Services

[Kit1]

I am currently looking at ending my life as my therapy sessions ended last week with NHS Community Mental Health Team. The therapist told me that I have 8 sessions left and she could refer me to trauma clinic at the hospital. I would have struggled with the referral and I told her to close my file as 8 sessions will not be enough and couldn't see the point in carrying kn with a service which has been keeping me alive and I am nowhere near a safe place to fly solo. My therapist is aware of this as I am still prone to take overdoses and end up in compromising places such as Beachyhead whilst dissociated and she had even asked me whether I had brought in all the meds that I had accumulated to leave with her when I went to see her last week - I buy 100s of boxes of paracetamol whist dissociated as well and take them at times..,

Anyway someone called me from her team to ask me for feedback about my experience with the NHS Community Mental Health Team and I told her exactly what I thought of the service (though protective of the therapist who worked with me) - the decision about the 8 sessions came from the Team meeting between the psychitrists and clinical psychologists - NHS I'd short staff and under funded and I guess they need the time slots to offer to others.., I refused to answer the question about whether I have a plan though was clear that CMHT will be responsible for my death. A few hours later a nurse called and I just told her to close my file and pads kn my feedback to management. Both staff were courteous and professional - both talked about how good it will be if I kept myself alive. With both of them, I told them that the NHS has no right or influence over my choices about life as they had already let me down and kicked me out. The nurse who called asked if the home treatment team could visit me over the weekend and I basically said that if they showed up, I will move away permanently. She then asked if her manager could call me on Monday - I asked her to just close the file, bit she persisted. I just told her to ask her manager to call me at 1.30pm on Monday snd if I am free, I will answer the call.

I don't really want to talk to them as I know that they are wasting my time. Not sure what to do now.., Any advise will be gratefully appreciated.

 

[violetskies]

it really depends on whether you have any hope in wanting to recover. i can't talk specifically about the CMHT as a service because i got rejected from their services as im already under an NHS Eating Disorder Clinic and apparently you can't be under two services at once? (idk that's just what the letter they sent told me) so i understand the frustration with the limitations with therapy and help that NHS services can give.

maybe it would be worth answering the call? if you are really sure you can request again that they close your case if you don't think they can provide any more service to you. i wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide to do

 

[Forever Sleep]

I know that you are hanging on for your children- which I really admire you for. Personally speaking, I think accepting any assistance to do that is worth it.

Maybe I've got this wrong about you, so please forgive me if I have. I get the impression on the one hand that you do actually want support. But, maybe because that support isn't exactly great- the NHS is on its knees after all, you get annoyed when they pretend it's more than it is? So in a way- you're more inclined to reject the lot? Are you an all or nothing kind of person? I can relate to that. I am too.

Personally, I think it's worth taking what you are offered for now. But, at the same time- realise it could well be just crumbs they are offering. Still- you don't know until you try. I think it's worth finding out at least.

Realistically though- of course they're going to say they hope you stay alive. I think that's almost part of the course really. Maybe in part, they don't want that suicide statistic on their file but I do actually think it's kind of genuine with relative 'normies' also. They probably do want things to improve for you. For yourself and your family.

Of course, if that's utterly unrealistic then, yeah- I can see why it would infuriate you. Plus- of course- all of the onus is on you. But then- who else could it be on? You are the one who has control over your life and death at the end of the day.

I suppose the way they see it is- you being in any kind of contact with them means you are somewhat open to receiving help in the hopes things will improve. It's a form of safeguarding I imagine because part of you realises that you feel the need to keep living. (Out of obligation to your children it sounds like.)

I had to talk to a helpline following the IC SN welfare check. The woman there said: 'Will you promise to call us before you take it?' I thought- why would I do that? If I know I want to die, why would I call someone who would do everything in their power to stop me?!! I just told her that I knew their number if I felt the need to talk to them in the future.

With you though- you're presumably in touch with these services because you feel like you need safe guarding to stop your compulsive, dissociative episodes turning lethal? So- I think- if you do get back in touch with them- you kind of have to take on board they will try to keep you alive... although- given how under funded the NHS is, they likely won't be there for you as much as they should. Maybe something would be better than nothing though? I think- while you still have people checking up on you- make use of it! They'll simply move on to other people otherwise.

A friend of mine went through a rough patch. She had her own reasons I think for not pursuing it but- the NHS did ask her to phone to book for sessions with a therapist. She didn't though. Again- her choice but- they'll only do so much. A lot of it has to come down to us to pursue things. Gone are the days where your local GP would know all about you and care to check up on you. Now, we have to be pro-active in asking for healthcare otherwise, we will just be ignored.

I hope you make peace with whatever decision you come to. If you decide to accept their help, I hope they come through for you.

 

[mortuarymary]

Please do try. I avoided mine like the plague for years. They have helped. What is there to lose?

 

[Kit1]

I know that you are hanging on for your children- which I really admire you for. Personally speaking, I think accepting any assistance to do that is worth it.

Maybe I've got this wrong about you, so please forgive me if I have. I get the impression on the one hand that you do actually want support. But, maybe because that support isn't exactly great- the NHS is on its knees after all, you get annoyed when they pretend it's more than it is? So in a way- you're more inclined to reject the lot? Are you an all or nothing kind of person? I can relate to that. I am too.

Personally, I think it's worth taking what you are offered for now. But, at the same time- realise it could well be just crumbs they are offering. Still- you don't know until you try. I think it's worth finding out at least.

Realistically though- of course they're going to say they hope you stay alive. I think that's almost part of the course really. Maybe in part, they don't want that suicide statistic on their file but I do actually think it's kind of genuine with relative 'normies' also. They probably do want things to improve for you. For yourself and your family.

Of course, if that's utterly unrealistic then, yeah- I can see why it would infuriate you. Plus- of course- all of the onus is on you. But then- who else could it be on? You are the one who has control over your life and death at the end of the day.

I suppose the way they see it is- you being in any kind of contact with them means you are somewhat open to receiving help in the hopes things will improve. It's a form of safeguarding I imagine because part of you realises that you feel the need to keep living. (Out of obligation to your children it sounds like.)

I had to talk to a helpline following the IC SN welfare check. The woman there said: 'Will you promise to call us before you take it?' I thought- why would I do that? If I know I want to die, why would I call someone who would do everything in their power to stop me?!! I just told her that I knew their number if I felt the need to talk to them in the future.

With you though- you're presumably in touch with these services because you feel like you need safe guarding to stop your compulsive, dissociative episodes turning lethal? So- I think- if you do get back in touch with them- you kind of have to take on board they will try to keep you alive... although- given how under funded the NHS is, they likely won't be there for you as much as they should. Maybe something would be better than nothing though? I think- while you still have people checking up on you- make use of it! They'll simply move on to other people otherwise.

A friend of mine went through a rough patch. She had her own reasons I think for not pursuing it but- the NHS did ask her to phone to book for sessions with a therapist. She didn't though. Again- her choice but- they'll only do so much. A lot of it has to come down to us to pursue things. Gone are the days where your local GP would know all about you and care to check up on you. Now, we have to be pro-active in asking for healthcare otherwise, we will just be ignored.

I hope you make peace with whatever decision you come to. If you decide to accept their help, I hope they come through for you.

Thank you so much foe taking the time to write to me. I have found the clinical psychologist at CMHT to be very useful and after my GP, she was instrumental in enabling me to stay alive. I was disappointed when I was told that the sessions will be ending. I have massive problems with attachment - probably due to being abandoned at birth and losing someone who looked out for me when I was aged 6 to 10, my GP and now the clinical psychologist - also the autism probably doesn't help, trust is an issue and I am just a difficult person when it comes to anything relating to myself as I find it difficult to trust anyone.., There are just too many challenges. So when I feel like I am being abandoned, I do run away before I get hurt any further. I am also painfully aware that with the CPTSD, I am not always capable of keeping myself safe unless I can literally talk about how I am feeling at the moment - and cannot so this with anyone apart from the GP (who I have no contact with anymore) or this clinical psychologist.

Anyway I have read and reread what you ahead said and taken on board what mortuarymary has said and will answer the call from CMHT - though I don't want their charity and would still probably end up being dead as I don't think they can offer the care that I need anyway. Will try my best to answer the call with an open mind.

Rhank you so much foe caring.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Thank you so much foe taking the time to write to me. I have found the clinical psychologist at CMHT to be very useful and after my GP, she was instrumental in enabling me to stay alive. I was disappointed when I was told that the sessions will be ending. I have massive problems with attachment - probably due to being abandoned at birth and losing someone who looked out for me when I was aged 6 to 10, my GP and now the clinical psychologist - also the autism probably doesn't help, trust is an issue and I am just a difficult person when it comes to anything relating to myself as I find it difficult to trust anyone.., There are just too many challenges. So when I feel like I am being abandoned, I do run away before I get hurt any further. I am also painfully aware that with the CPTSD, I am not always capable of keeping myself safe unless I can literally talk about how I am feeling at the moment - and cannot so this with anyone apart from the GP (who I have no contact with anymore) or this clinical psychologist.

Anyway I have read and reread what you ahead said and taken on board what mortuarymary has said and will answer the call from CMHT - though I don't want their charity and would still probably end up being dead as I don't think they can offer the care that I need anyway. Will try my best to answer the call with an open mind.

Rhank you so much foe caring.

I completely understand. It's so terrible that you are being left like this. It's so irresponsible of the NHS to do this in fact. I don't understand why they are. They must realise that some people need long-term support.

Plus, it's completely understandable feeling hesitant to interact with someone new. Personally, I would struggle to do it. I don't think people give credit that it's actually brave to open your heart up to a complete stranger and trust them to help. Plus- yeah- after this experience- you likely don't want to become attached/dependent on someone if they are likely to leave you again.

I think you should tell them that though. Make them aware of how unsettling this is for you. I think it's actually fair enough to say it's not something you even want to entertain if it's just going to lead to you trusting someone and being abandoned again. Not that they have control over that I suppose but- at least it makes them aware that they need to try and stick around for you. I really hope it goes well. Fingers crossed you build a good rapport with them and they can help.