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5. I feel pretty fucked up. I am scared of college. It tortures me so much. Lessons began last week.
I fucking hate my life. I need motivation. It makes me so depressed going there. I am really scared this could be the start of another major depressive episode.My concentration is horrible. I feel like a loser for studying part-time but honestly I am very fragile and can't stomach too much stress. I suffer from perfectionism in an extreme magnitude and it torments me.
I always think of ctb. It's on my mind constantly. Right this very minute I'm at a 7. Honestly, whenever I think about ctb I become very peaceful. The thought of not dealing with assholes anymore, not feeling anything anymore is so welcoming.
5. Pretty depressed. My sleep method worked. Though I am still depressed as fuck. I am scared I could relapse. I feel like I cannot control it anymore. College overwhelmes me I could cry (what I did today) when I see what is ahead of me.
I am fucking anxious. Going to college is like playing Russian roulette for me. I always thought it would backfire. I will take a sleep medication today. But sleep is not my primary issue. I am so frightened. I think I am unable to write long threads. I feel so fucked up. I feel kind of manic and depressed at the same time. Maybe I call my psychiatrist soon.
4,5. I feel still pretty depressed maybe a little bit better. There were some good and bad news. My two college friends gave me the biggest boost. I hope the social interactions have a slight positive effect on my mental health. However the complete opposite could also happen.
I am overanalyzing very much: Maybe I am even kind of paranoid. I have weird thoughts. Yesterday I took addictive medication and it really helped. So I will have to play that game again.
Reactions:
Mirrory Me
CTB Dream
Injury damage disabl hard talk no argu make fun et
Feeling a 7 currently, and life is making it difficult for me to CTB since I can't get that time alone. I would like to leave neatly, it's the least I can do. So I have to prepare that as well but depression makes everything hard.
Feeling solid 8 today. I think i missplayed and do something wrong, but i cant do anything to undo it or to fix it. I felt like i betray the trust of my friend and mental support. I felt like i dont really want to be here anymore. But i'm too tired to try CTB anymore, at least for today. I just want to sleep and rest. Goodnight.
Today was weird. The opposite of the other days.
I woke up surprisingly ok, and it got worse during the day.
Normally, it goes from 9 in the morning to 7 in the evening, today it went from 1 to 9
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