Rate your suicidal thoughts thread (1-10)

[LaVieEnRose]

10.00001

 

[brokenpersi]

10 - have panic attack

 

[arcadia]

Up to a 9.

 

[noname223]

4. Lower suicidality. But strong mood swings accompanied with paranoia. Cried a lot. I try to reduce the addictive medication. I could sleep very well last night with a lower dosage.

But a certain incident and probably heavy overthinking is fucking with me.

 

[Ultracheese]

It's an 8 right now. My health has been awful and I'm in constant pain, both physical and emotional, most of the time.

 

[missingpeace]

Constantly thinking about it, so a 9.5..

 

[noname223]

Low suicidality 3. Though I barely slept without the z-medication. I read in several days the physical withdrawal symptoms are gone. I try to sleep without it again today. But if I get again like 4 hours sleep I take one tomorrow it is too risky.

 

[noname223]

I wonder why noone used this thread in the meantime. Slept horribly. My suicidality is low like a 2-3. But I am feeling quite manic. I am scared of addiction but I took one (half) benzo. I hope weaning from the addictive pills was successful. I think addiction would ruin my life completely. But completely without them it is very very difficult to stay stable with the brain that I have.

 

[Challu]

7. Anime, vidya games, and porn are not distracting me like it used to..

 

[heyrabu]

I almost forgot this thread exist,
Today i felt like 7

 

[epic]

6

 

[LT1989]

I'm about an 8 or 9 today and have been for a wee while. My life is crumbling around me and I don't care one bit.

 

[Gonnerr]

Today maybe 8 but can't wait to die, i just don't want to be here no more. Im hanging on because i have great friends. Without them i would already be gone.

But at some point maybe months or years, that won't be enough.

 

[trist]

8, i started creating a very detailed plan today

 

[Krobo]

6. Neck pain feels like I've got needles stabbing into my neck like a pincushion, would be higher if the pain weren't interfering with my ability to think lucidly

 

[jdog2498]

10. suicide is never the answer according to people who aren't you and who don't give a fuck about you

 

[Escapee]

6. Neck pain feels like I've got needles stabbing into my neck like a pincushion, would be higher if the pain weren't interfering with my ability to think lucidly

I am really sorry I understand ur feeling. But you are lucky compared to me I am suffering head to toe 24/7 unable to rest for a minute. I rate it 10+

 

[7@vuse99]

1 is very low suicidality, 10 is very extreme acute suicidality. I miss the old thread (which is deleted) that is way I want to revive him.

My suicidal thoughts today are a 4. I have some distractions and responsibilities which prevent more of these thoughts.

Today? 7-9

 

[sadjenny]

Solid 8 rn. I just got out of an emergency psych appointment and was a little too honest with my therapist, and they called my sister (my emergency contact). I narrowly escaped grippy sock jail. I am so stupid, when will I learn to shut my mouth?

 

[maybemonday]

I think I am around a four today. I fantasized about my death and have thinking of many methods. Everytime I cross the street I think of jumping infront of traffic and everytime I go to my grandparents I think about jumping off their balcony. But at the same time I want a future, I want to try at least. I have accepted the fact that I will be lonely and sad forever but I want to help people.

 

[BroodingBleu]

Probably an 8.5, which is ironic given the fact some things are getting a little better in my life.

 

[Time&Regret]

About a 3 or 4

 

[Mimi_]

8-9 today is awful, the damn nutritionist made me more suicidal after the consultation. Wish i could ctb right now.

 

[SatouR]

1 is very low suicidality, 10 is very extreme acute suicidality. I miss the old thread (which is deleted) that is way I want to revive him.

My suicidal thoughts today are a 4. I have some distractions and responsibilities which prevent more of these thoughts.

I would say that I'm more stable at the moment.
6-7

 

[figtree]

7.5 right now

 

[Salvation_]

7

 

[groucho]

I idle around 6-7 but definitely rev-up to 9-10 at least once a week and that can last days. At 9 today.

 

[chr74]

7-8 usually, goes down low sometimes (2-4) but then i think about stuff and back up she goes!

 

[nopride86]

Here I am again at an 8.5 today. (To me, 9 is finally having SN in my possession and 10 is taking it. The only reason I can't say 9 today is because I'm out of sources).

I joined this forum when I was 28, and now I'm going to be 30 in a few weeks. I've shared my thoughts about 30 in the past, hoping that I'd be gone before then. But here I am. I can't do anything properly. I've been engaged for 2 years, still haven't gotten married despite my fiancé practically begging. I always say "soon". I don't want to make him a widower so I've been putting it off, under the assumption that I'd be dead "soon". I was supposed to go NC with my screwed up family 2 years ago, it's always planning and "soon". Now I'm doing really poorly at my job, the one thing I've ever taken pride in. I'm told that I'll get it together "soon".

Soon, soon, soon, someday. I'm tired of being here. People die every day, young people, people who want to live….so why not me? It's not a matter of SI right now, but caution. I don't have a period alone for longer than about 10mins a day, how could I get it done safely, peacefully, and in a way that doesn't traumatize others? How do I compile the products I need when I don't know people, online markets, or gullible doctors? It's not possible in my lifestyle. I had a chance to buy SN from the jungle site over a year ago, put it off by saying "soon".
I've developed mild sleep apnea these days, maybe I'll choke in my sleep. Or maybe if I keep putting off going to the doctor and dentist (it's been about 4 years already) something unnoticed will get me. Why can't "soon" just be "today"?

 

[JD_looking_for_avi]

Today... 8! Probably will increase as soon as my SN arrives