Rate your suicidal thoughts thread (1-10)

[ChangeWaiter]

4-5 , as I wouldn't do it rn, but today I realized once more that it's the conclusion that would make most sense in the big picture of my life. Still have some hope though, that by the time my mom passes, I'll be in a totally different state of mind, who knows. I'm really only sticking around for her. This morning I finally came to a rather solid plan, which, although painful and disturbing to bystanders, would at least be a way out for me. I care less about random witnesses recently. The misery of life should be more on the surface anyways, in my opinion. I don't know them, discovering my floating body would traumatize someone, but we'll, life has been traumatizing me for long, and if it gets worse, it will be enough to trigger me and not care about that as well. My other relatives can handle it, pretty sure about that. Will be hard on my niece though, hope she could keep me more motivated as she grows to adulthood.
Still, I kinda hope it won't get that far, I'm willing to try to the extent that my brain can handle it.

 

[Yaffle]

If I say 10/10 would be my bus ticket I'd say 7 today.

A few days ago when I joined a solid 9, really was in a dreadful place. On the cusp of buying N2 gas from local supplier.

I probably usually tick along around 3 to 5, they never leave me but then I have these debilitating flare ups.

 

[mashka9]

like 2, ab to get released from a psych ward today lol

 

[SeaBreeze]

7 yesterday
6 today
Periodontal appointment tomorrow...

 

[LifeTransit_1]

5 right now... though it has gone to a 9 earlier this year tbh.

 

[Heading to Darkness]

1 is very low suicidality, 10 is very extreme acute suicidality. I miss the old thread (which is deleted) that is way I want to revive him.

My suicidal thoughts today are a 4. I have some distractions and responsibilities which prevent more of these thoughts.

definately 10 I ctb today

 

[Anonymus]

8

 

[LivedTooLong]

8-9. Really struggling.

 

[user56765567]

8-9

 

[Yaffle]

Solid 9 right now

 

[Lycan]

11.

 

[Nobody1]

During the day I fake that I'm happy and everyone thinks that I'm always so happy. When I'm finally alone I would rate it a 9. I would be dead already if I wasn't so scared. I will be gone soon.

 

[Anonymus]

8

 

[Praestat_Mori]

currently 5

still suicidal but no urge to do it soon, although it'd be better to be gone.

 

[tiger b]

3

Big improvement from a week ago.

 

[anxious_depressive]

8

 

[maka]

10. Tired of seeing everyone else with loved ones while I have to navigate this world entirely alone. I kept listening to the assholes saying it would get better but honestly I should've just gotten it over with when I was 11 and it was easier.

 

[Heartaches]

7. Everytime I think I'll finally find my place in this world, I end up more disappointed than before; I feel lonelier, more pathethic, depressed, hopeless. I think I'm good for nothing. I'd prefer if things just ended now, I'm barely functional and have a hard time getting any type of help.​

 

[Kit1]

9. Just want to be dead. The pain is non stop now and probably will need to end my life soon as I cannot access treatment.

 

[Lullaby]

10 - more than anything, I wish had the courage to end it now. I hate this so much

 

[hopelessoceanic25]

Around an 8 today.

 

[haibane]

10, if i had a reliable method to ctb i would do it immediately. I dont see any positive outcomes from living any longer.

 

[Kundalini Guy]

3

 

[huphup]

I think 6-7, but starting new meds so could go up :)

 

[SeaBreeze]

7 yesterday
9 today

 

[alienoforces]

it usually varies between 7-9, maybe a 6 on a good day. suicidal ideation is something i've really struggled with since i was young, so i don't see that changing anytime soon lol.

 

[mysadstuff]

6ish

 

[Kit1]

9

 

[noname223]

4. The next few weeks gonna be a nightmare. I have to study so fucking hard for the exams. I get pretty depressed by it. I got paranoid in my self-help group. It was pretty crazy. My paranoid thoughts changed a lot pretty fast. I had the hope a woman there would like me. But I think her interest in me stopped when I talked about my illness which hurts pretty much. But I still cling to the hope she might give me a chance.
However I cannot go there anymore (for now). Thoughts about love stress me so fucking much. I cannot handle that combined with the exams.

I invest money in my style and outer appearance but when I talk about my really big issues the women run away...Holy shit I pray I die soon. I am losing a lot of weight. As a countermeasure I eat sweets and very unhealthy food. But I keep losing weight which is weird. I hope it is something that is lethal, peaceful and fast. I won't go to a doctor. The stresses probably only fucked up my feeling of hunger. I forget to eat. But still this is very very weird. The last time I ate this unhealthy is a decade ago. I think my body shows symptoms of a severe deterioration because of the mental agony.

 

[SMmetalhead36]

8.5-9