Unattainable666
Enlightened
- Mar 31, 2023
- 1,346
100 ready to go this weeķend
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I would say 8-9. I'm probably going to attempt again tonight but the thoughts aren't strong enough to completely override SI.1 is very low suicidality, 10 is very extreme acute suicidality. I miss the old thread (which is deleted) that is way I want to revive him.
My suicidal thoughts today are a 4. I have some distractions and responsibilities which prevent more of these thoughts.
1 is very low suicidality, 10 is very extreme acute suicidality. I miss the old thread (which is deleted) that is way I want to revive him.
My suicidal thoughts today are a 4. I have some distractions and responsibilities which prevent more of these
It is currently 4. Still ruminating about the past incident. Scared about today. It could increase my pain...
I still struggle but I have a lot of responsibilies and don't have that much time to think about my unhappiness.A 10 to me is post-ingestion of nembutal, which is a final goodbye. Right now, I am at a 9/10. This past 10 days or so have been close to the worst days of my life.I understand you and feel for you. You can message me if you need to ventIt increased to 6. I am overthinking my life extremely hard. I despise me. I feel ashamed. I am a fucking idiot.
I am currently in a very bad place. This is not good. Took half a lorazepam. Noone answers my thread where I describe how I am feeling.
I feel so ashamed...
My thoughts are racing...this is really hard to endure. But I think the lorazepam begins to work.
Do you find not having what's needed kind of makes you want to ctb even more? If that makes sense?9.5. I'm so ready but don't have the tools yet. SN or drowning. I really don't want to drown.
Yessss! Absolutely this. I hate not having the control, it makes me feel more desperate to CTB if you know what I mean? If I had access to everything I need, a sense of relief would come over me. I could choose to go at any time. Whilst when I don't have access to these things, my suffering just continues indefinitely basically, until I do. And that's a scary thought. What will be your go to method/s if you don't mind sharing?Do you find not having what's needed kind of makes you want to ctb even more? If that makes sense?
For me it does since restriction on things i need only seems to irritate me and makes me feel like i have to exist longer against my will, since someone has decided to things that can be used to alleviate suffering should be restricted.
i personally find it completely counter productive. Am i Ment to want to exist in a world where people are encouraged to suffer longer than necessary?