Rate your suicidal thoughts thread (1-10)

[ThatStateOfMind]

I'd say usually 5 or less but much more recently, probably around 7-8 maybe even pushing 9

 

[TiredOfAllThis]

Rather 9. Just a tiny bit of hope and my cats are keeping me here.
Anxiety and depression are grinding me down

 

[SeaBreeze]

6 yesterday
7 today

 

[doormat25]

10

 

[Shrike]

Where would passive suicidality fit in? If I feel a twinge in my chest, I hope it's a heart attack. Like a 7 maybe? I've not been below this for about 2 years now.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

5-6 currently

 

[kane9191kosugi]

Usually 7-8, but that's only because I'm at a point where even "preparing to act" for ctb is tiring lol.
Sometimes it reaches 9-10, but I never really bought any materials for ctb. I did look for bridges to jump off but that's much easier than acquiring (and preparing) tools for ctb.

I'm just…tired.

 

[barkbark]

if 10 is so bad that you're impulsively trying to ctb with whatever you have around out of pure desperation (i've been there before,) i'm currently at around a 7ish and the day only just started.

it's been getting worse and worse and ctb has been all i can think about. i don't even have the energy to sh to clear my brain anymore… it's been getting harder and harder to stick around and yesterday (was probably an 8 or 9) i admitted to myself that i'm probably going to try again soon and started looking into sn sources, which was a bit terrifying but also scarily a little peaceful.

 

[Kit1]

10. I really want to be gone.

 

[Major Tom]

My passive thoughts are always on a 20, and i would accept as much pain as possible to get it.

My active thoughts are fluctuating between 3 and 9, but its getting better, because im accepting methods that i wouldn't have taken before.

 

[Yaka]

At this very moment? prolly like a 4 cause I know I would get caught if I tried
But most of the time when alone or I know I wont be found for a long while then it spikes to like a 9

 

[RemainingDubious]

10.

 

[ctbcat]

6/7? ... i don't feel much these days, though.

i really really need to die... but i don't have the guts, it's humiliating. i created a whole plan and it slipped through my fingers... i can't stand it.

 

[Final_Choice]

9. I'm trying to hold myself back until my date but I already have my SN, currently holding it. I could just take it according to my plan right now, but I know that the best thing to do is to wait until I can graduate and disappear first.

 

[thetruetato]

1 is very low suicidality, 10 is very extreme acute suicidality. I miss the old thread (which is deleted) that is way I want to revive him.

My suicidal thoughts today are a 4. I have some distractions and responsibilities which prevent more of these thoughts.

I would say 8-9. I'm probably going to attempt again tonight but the thoughts aren't strong enough to completely override SI.

 

[Grav]

Probably a 5 now. Was a 9.5 about week ago. Stopped taking the adderall-dexo pills and that helped. Also ordered more RPG stuff so while not healthy it does pick me up.

 

[VoidedExistence]

10. I think about suicide literally all the time.

 

[lixt]

6/10

 

[deleteduser853695]

I'm currently sitting at a 9. I guess that's why I'm on this site for the first time. I'm feeling more desperate than I've been in years.

 

[hopeless08]

1 is very low suicidality, 10 is very extreme acute suicidality. I miss the old thread (which is deleted) that is way I want to revive him.

My suicidal thoughts today are a 4. I have some distractions and responsibilities which prevent more of these

It is currently 4. Still ruminating about the past incident. Scared about today. It could increase my pain...

I still struggle but I have a lot of responsibilies and don't have that much time to think about my unhappiness.

A 10 to me is post-ingestion of nembutal, which is a final goodbye. Right now, I am at a 9/10. This past 10 days or so have been close to the worst days of my life.

It increased to 6. I am overthinking my life extremely hard. I despise me. I feel ashamed. I am a fucking idiot.
I am currently in a very bad place. This is not good. Took half a lorazepam. Noone answers my thread where I describe how I am feeling.
I feel so ashamed...
My thoughts are racing...this is really hard to endure. But I think the lorazepam begins to work.

I understand you and feel for you. You can message me if you need to vent

 

[sorlox]

7 because whatever.

 

[xmissellax]

9.5. I'm so ready but don't have the tools yet. SN or drowning. I really don't want to drown.

 

[RemainingDubious]

9.5. I'm so ready but don't have the tools yet. SN or drowning. I really don't want to drown.

Do you find not having what's needed kind of makes you want to ctb even more? If that makes sense?

For me it does since restriction on things i need only seems to irritate me and makes me feel like i have to exist longer against my will, since someone has decided to things that can be used to alleviate suffering should be restricted.

i personally find it completely counter productive. Am i Ment to want to exist in a world where people are encouraged to suffer longer than necessary?

 

[xmissellax]

Do you find not having what's needed kind of makes you want to ctb even more? If that makes sense?

For me it does since restriction on things i need only seems to irritate me and makes me feel like i have to exist longer against my will, since someone has decided to things that can be used to alleviate suffering should be restricted.

i personally find it completely counter productive. Am i Ment to want to exist in a world where people are encouraged to suffer longer than necessary?

Yessss! Absolutely this. I hate not having the control, it makes me feel more desperate to CTB if you know what I mean? If I had access to everything I need, a sense of relief would come over me. I could choose to go at any time. Whilst when I don't have access to these things, my suffering just continues indefinitely basically, until I do. And that's a scary thought. What will be your go to method/s if you don't mind sharing?

 

[dggtscccvfd]

I'm at a 9. I have severe erectile dysfunction and a breathing disorder. If doctors don't help me get on top of both, I'll be at a 10 and ready to go. I've already got my SN, it's sat nicely in my wardrobe.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

4

 

[BorderlineChellery]

10. If I had the means I would do it in a heartbeat. Unfortunately I'm under suicide watch. I'm biding my time until I can. I know I can't get better, I've lost any friends I had, I feel lost and alone. Existence is pain and I've had enough

 

[terra.nuvo]

7 but i feel like everyday i'm getting closer and closer to 10

 

[RemainingDubious]

Yessss! Absolutely this. I hate not having the control, it makes me feel more desperate to CTB if you know what I mean? If I had access to everything I need, a sense of relief would come over me. I could choose to go at any time. Whilst when I don't have access to these things, my suffering just continues indefinitely basically, until I do. And that's a scary thought. What will be your go to method/s if you don't mind sharing?

i completely understand. It's like the more i keep coming across restrictions the more frustrated i am at the restrictions, and the more i feel trapped with my existence. i imagine i would also be relieved if i had what i needed.

i found accepting my reality and rejecting false hopes, uncertainty and the dreams of a better reality that people would attempt to get me to invent in, brought me some comfort. Until i ran into so many restrictions.

Inert gas sounds amazing. i'm fairly open to other methods. There's no harm in considering different approaches. Surviving suicide attempts is torture. i never want to be in that position again so i'm wanting to use inert gas and sn to makes sure i don't miss the bus.

 

[xmissellax]

i completely understand. It's like the more i keep coming across restrictions the more frustrated i am at the restrictions, and the more i feel trapped with my existence. i imagine i would also be relieved if i had what i needed.

i found accepting my reality and rejecting false hopes, uncertainty and the dreams of a better reality that people would attempt to get me to invent in, brought me some comfort. Until i ran into so many restrictions.

Inert gas sounds amazing. i'm fairly open to other methods. There's no harm in considering different approaches. Surviving suicide attempts is torture. i never want to be in that position again so i'm wanting to use inert gas and sn to makes sure i don't miss the bus.

I completely understand how you feel. I'm so sorry you've been through survival of attempts. I've never attempted before so I'm bat shit scared. Mind if I PM you?