Rate your suicidal thoughts thread (1-10)

[noname223]

4. The next few weeks gonna be a nightmare. I have to study so fucking hard for the exams. I get pretty depressed by it. I got paranoid in my self-help group. It was pretty crazy. My paranoid thoughts changed a lot pretty fast. I had the hope a woman there would like me. But I think her interest in me stopped when I talked about my illness which hurts pretty much. But I still cling to the hope she might give me a chance.
However I cannot go there anymore (for now). Thoughts about love stress me so fucking much. I cannot handle that combined with the exams.

I invest money in my style and outer appearance but when I talk about my really big issues the women run away...Holy shit I pray I die soon. I am losing a lot of weight. As a countermeasure I eat sweets and very unhealthy food. But I keep losing weight which is weird. I hope it is something that is lethal, peaceful and fast. I won't go to a doctor. The stresses probably only fucked up my feeling of hunger. I forget to eat. But still this is very very weird. The last time I ate this unhealthy is a decade ago. I think my body shows symptoms of a severe deterioration because of the mental agony.

 

[SMmetalhead36]

8.5-9

 

[Fktw0rld]

About a 4 today. But I need to get focused because my deadline is approaching

 

[Kit1]

9

 

[leavingthesoultrap]

8-9

 

[iusedtobehappy]

I maintained a 5-6 for a long time but am at 10 consistently since 10/15/23. Just trying to decide on a method.

 

[almaPerdida]

10, my plan is all ready, my method is arriving and my letter is ready too. I just need to wait to do it in March. By next week i will have everything i need.

 

[girl2910]

10

 

[Pg.964]

Even though I've been in agony for years, I can't bring myself to do it yet. So 5.

 

[Cyndaquil]

8

 

[zombiegirl]

today is like a 9.5, i'm ready but too tired to carry anything out. maybe tomorrow i'll feel better, and the number will go down

 

[ImsooDone1N]

Definitely at 9+ plus today. I'm just so depressed & mentally/physically exhausted that i don't really have the energy to get worked up and so upset. I'm kinda just in an eternal limbo & falling to pieces,

 

[Zebulon]

8.5-9
I dont have my most important ingredient. But damn, I'm really planing on not experiencing febuary

 

[doormat25]

10

 

[Kit1]

9

 

[chuva de canela]

7 - 8
I have a strong feeling I will CTB this year

 

[IWishToDie]

About a 7, sometimes hitting 8.

7 sounds about right for me. If there was a bottle of Nembutal in front of me, that number would jump to 10.

 

[noname223]

6. I have soon an extremely difficult exam. And I am in so so much pain. Going to college is hell for me. The stress triggers the shit out of me. I am attending college since 2,5 years and my nervous system cannot stomach it much longer. I lost some weight this semester. I had to change my diet completely. I am unable to eat properly since some months. Usually I ate extremely healthy. However the stress got so much that I am sick of eating. Now I eat sweets every single day in order not to lose too much weight. I did not eat sweets for more than a decade and now I eat a couple of them every single day. My nervous system is so fucked. The first semesters I only survived because of benzos. But I developed very serious withdrawal symptoms. So this semester I could not take them. However I still have to take the addictive sleeping pills. Without them I had a breakdown after a short period of time. I am only studying part-time and I am still so fucking done. I struggle with extreme OCD and perfectionism. And I even reached the point where my perfectionism decreased. I am unable to stomach all of the pain anymore. I am too busy with studying this is why suicide is not on mind every single second. But the longer this torture is going on and it is going on way way too long my determination to go through with it becomes stronger.

I am so so fucking done. The next 2 weeks gonna be hell on earth. And I am just forced to go on no matter the pain. I am only studying 5 hours a day but the pain is unbearable. The difference is I am studying the whole semester for the exams because I am unable to pull of more learning than 5 hours a day without an immediate collapse.

Fuck my life so so much. I probably will post less thread in this time period. Yesterday was my free day and it helped. But I probably skip my next free day and study instead. So glad about the corruption that happened in my favor. This might save my ass..and I did not even ask for it someone just offered it to me without anything. It was so fucking weird. It is very seldom that something good happens in my life but this sort of felt like a miracle to me. It still feels surreal. But it also could backfire.

 

[onbekend]

Easily a 10. Not a day goes by where I don't look at something in my house and think about hundreds of ways I could kill myself with it. Everything that could result in death for me is tempting, but I'm not quite ready just yet.

 

[almondmilk]

10 , i planned everything , i just need the money and i'll be gone :)

 

[cosmic_traveler]

10. We were planning to wait till Wednesday, but now any day will do.

 

[Grav]

Now about a 7-8. Was up in hard 9 land for last 2 weeks.

 

[noname223]

6,5. I might have reached my limit very soon I have my exam. And I am at the end of my limit. I could write a thousand pages about it. To make it short. Maybe I should kill myself or at least order SN in my holidays. I am now at the half of my college time. And I cannot stomach it anymore. My environment expects me to continue no matter what. My mom just acted like oh when you are that depresed we might have to stop it. But she does not actually mean it.

I want to die. If I don't do it with my own hands this will continue for several decades. I am suicidal since more than a decade. I am suicidal every single day. I don't want to take a break from college. I want to end it.

My mind might change when I have holidays but the pain is unbearable. I am lost for words. I cannot do it much longer. Either this college hell continues or I kill myself.

I mean I will kill myself anyway. I could spare me A LOT of pain if I did it sooner. My life objectively barely has prospects to improve. I think it is important to seriously consider the pros and cons. But for me the cons are way way stronger.

The pain this evening is insane. And my exam is next week. I simply can't do it much longer.

 

[borderlinee]

Like an 8, been worse, I'm currently suffering with severe anhedonia from schizophrenia and antipsychotics. Sadly can't do anything about it. Wish I could just sleep forever.

 

[Princess_Kitty]

8 for me. I just want to CTB each day. Sadly I have to wait at least till after V day is over with.

 

[UltraRareSlinky]

1 is very low suicidality, 10 is very extreme acute suicidality. I miss the old thread (which is deleted) that is way I want to revive him.

My suicidal thoughts today are a 4. I have some distractions and responsibilities which prevent more of these thoughts.

today around 8!

 

[Praestat_Mori]

1-3

Hardly any suicidal thoughts and no urge to attempt at all.

 

[HereTomorrow]

Constantly fluctuating. Most days I'm around a 3-4, but under a lot of stress it easily shoots up to an 8 or 9.

 

[Toobrokentofix]

8, but goes up and down a couple points sometimes

 

[HeartSayako]

1 is very low suicidality, 10 is very extreme acute suicidality. I miss the old thread (which is deleted) that is way I want to revive him.

My suicidal thoughts today are a 4. I have some distractions and responsibilities which prevent more of these thoughts.

my suicidal thoughts are a 8-9