Random thoughts

[BPD_LE]

I want some cheesecake. No. I want a whole cheesecake.

 

[puppy9]

panic

 

[Morphinekiss]

The urge to just leave is rising. The acknowledgment of knowing I'll never amount to anything is screwing with my brain.

 

[vonvonwantpeace]

I think my mind is my worst enemy.

 

[Saroshi]

Reminds me of the Pink song "I Want To Be Somebody Else"

 

[Life sucks]

I'm not afraid of what happens after death. I'm afraid of painful death or living a long bad life. As I'm certain how life is logically flawed

 

[Morphinekiss]

Night time is when it kicks in. Alone with just myself and my thoughts. I want to crawl out of my skin, I want to take a knife to the parts of me that are too extra. I want perfection. I wish I could slip away without the devastation a suicide would leave behind. I wish I could go back 10 years and warn myself. I wish I weren't so fucking alone.

 

[BPD_LE]

I fucking hate myself. I'm disgusting. I don't know how people can look at me never mind talk to me.

 

[ots]

I miss my bobo...

 

[ScarsAndStitches]

I'm not sure, why I still hope that things will get better for me.

 

[StillWaiting]

Feeling lonely but I can't seems to connect with anyone

 

[Morphinekiss]

The closer the appointment gets the more dread I feel. Such a fucking rare diagnosis, cancer would have almost been easier to treat.

 

[blanketyblk]

Wait, I thought you're a man...

no. 100% twisted chicky here

The closer the appointment gets the more dread I feel. Such a fucking rare diagnosis, cancer would have almost been easier to treat.

Hugs girl. i'm thinking of you.. you'll be ok!! but just remember someone out in the wilds of the internet does care about you! double big hugs!

 

[Morphinekiss]

In another life, under different circumstances...

 

[blanketyblk]

Lots to unpack about my trip. but i have to admit. that I've found something to live for it might only be short term. but I'm back and charged for life.. I've not felt like this in years.. and no didn't meet anyone special. just having a change of scenery and meeting people with a different background has told me that while my life is lonely as hell. it's not all that bad. and i found out that work truly does value me as not only a worker but as a human being. that kind of made me feel good. while social and romantically my life is in the toilet. my work is something else and thats something I'm going to try and take pride in.

 

[Fadinglife]

Lots to unpack about my trip. but i have to admit. that I've found something to live for it might only be short term. but I'm back and charged for life.. I've not felt like this in years.. and no didn't meet anyone special. just having a change of scenery and meeting people with a different background has told me that while my life is lonely as hell. it's not all that bad. and i found out that work truly does value me as not only a worker but as a human being. that kind of made me feel good. while social and romantically my life is in the toilet. my work is something else and thats something I'm going to try and take pride in.

Wow! I am so happy for you! Lots of love. Catch up with me soon! :) I am waiting

 

[BPD_LE]

I would move forward if I could carry myself unaided.

 

[notjustyetagain]

the best things in life are free; the option of oblivion ranks principally among them. my greatest fear is that thoughts and the active option of suicide will sustain me. the heat death of the universe is faultless but for the aberration of negentropic systems like me. my misgivings impact the world more than my givings, and i will proceed to take more than i give until i take what matters most from the ones i love the most. life is a sad song i'll never hear rhymed with screams i can only hear in my dreams. my insomnia is becoming incurable and, with it, my grasp on reality untenable. i've tasted more from sapience than it's possible to bear anymore: every drop a temporary antidote to a permanent cure. my filthy fantasies about what i'm doing here get me nowhere, but no greater truth is presently available to me. i am truly sorry for every single thing i that i do. these quaint and vapid turds won't stop until i shut the fuck up.

 

[omoidarui]

If you combine the usernames of two well-known members here you get the name of my favourite composer

@Stan @Chinaski
> Stanchinaski
> Stanchinsky

quite kool lol

 

[Morphinekiss]

I'd be there in a minute if you asked

also, I just want to cry.

 

[Morphinekiss]

I'm a useless piece of shit. If I still had a gun I'd be gone tonight.

 

[Anomaly]

I don't want to see me.

 

[Numbtopain97]

Fuck i ran out of weed and i am going insane right now!!

 

[Saroshi]

I watched a video about radicalization of young men into the alt right movement, and part of it mentioned isolated communities that shared a lifestyle rather than a political stance, and how people would get validation and demonize other groups, and I thought of this forum.

I don't think that this place is that radical, but I do think it may be easy for some people to spiral into the funnel of one answer. But, this place is different in that there are still many different opinions, and actually we do not demonize anyone, and rather than having it be culty it's usually just comforting with assurance that a person should stick with their own choices for themselves foremost, unless it truly is rash. So anyways, I hope I don't come off as comparing this place to an alt right radicalizing forum, even though I did, but what I mean is although this place maybe has the potential it remains a good place because of the community and it's great, it's nice here.

 

[blanketyblk]

So while in Singapore at conference, i met an older women who is 56 who became a widow at 32 when her husband took his own life. she has been single ever since. she lives in my city and works for different department. but we have become kind of friends. due to our mutual circumstances. she has been giving me tips on coping and how to accept life alone.

thus far it's kind of working. i have a new zeal for life. I'm still depressed, lonely but with her. we are doing activities together. for example today we helped out at a women homeless shelter and yesterday we volunteered at an animal shelter to take dogs for a walk and to sit and pat some cats to keep them company. i know it's silly little things. but it's kind of working.

Tuesday night I'm playing piano and cello at a aged care center and will be doing that 2 or 3 nights a week at different centers around the suburbs. new friend sings sonnets and is a amazing painter so she helped the elderly do arts and crafts.

Will this last?, i don't know. but while I'm on a high, I'm going to enjoy it. lord know it's been years since i've felt like this.

 

[throwaway123]

Four years ago I had my first suicide attempt. Four years ago. Can't believe I'm still here. I'm trying something new at the moment. I hope it will help me get the energy to CTB.

 

[Life sucks]

The biological body deteriorates with time like everything else. What a dumb life we live

 

[Lefty]

Another screw up. Tried to salvage it, but to no avail.

 

[Morphinekiss]

His new baby is due the same week ours was. He said the miscarriage ruined him for life, that the pain of staying with me was too much. I guess she fixed him. So when they're celebrating a new life I'll be mourning the one the doctors had to suck out of me. How is that fucking fair?

 

[Anomaly]

Why do I keep working on this puerile tripe? So I can make money? But why do I want to make money? So I can perpetuate my existence? But why do I want to perpetuate my existence? So I can keep working on this puerile tripe? Ugh.