Random thoughts

[ge0rge]

i think eating your own scabs is a perfectly suitable source of protein

 

[millefeui]

hahaha! indeed.
but I seriously do not believe in ghosts. I just mentioned it out of my wishful thinking.
i guess ghosts are more than humans and not less. i just guess.

I meant in the sense that they wouldn't have a body, so physically speaking they would be less.

 

[Gray Wounds]

I meant in the sense that they wouldn't have a body, so physically speaking they would be less.

i see

 

[Gray Wounds]

I might die a virgin

 

[millefeui]

I have noticed that for the past few years some of my physical abilities are getting considerably worse. Now, I know that happens when you get older, but I am only 27, not 77. Typing a message like this one? I have had to delete words a few times because even though I know exactly where each key is without looking, my hands seem to struggle to hit them properly at times. I hope that doesn't progress further because I like drawing and it would suck balls to lose proper control of my hands.

I was always the kind of moron who trips and/or hits her arm on doorknobs every other day, so maybe this is just an extension of that.

My eyesight is also getting worse, but that is expected. I mean, I have lived in front of TV and computer monitors for most of my life. All things considered it should be much worse by now.

 

[Fylobatica]

My eyesight is also getting worse

Same here. Nearsightedness has always plagued me from early childhood. Let's hear it for genetics, hallelujah.

 

[millefeui]

Speaking of genetics, if my past and current relatives had any human decency they would not have bred. Instead, I have like three thousand aunts, uncles and cousins. All enjoying garbage genetics, very few of them got "lucky" and went I say "lucky", I really mean it.

Heck, my freaking sister has what, three kids by now? And she is only one year older than me, which means she isn't even 30 years old yet. Like, bitch what are you doing?

 

[Tiburcio]

If this make you feel better, I ever shown interest in persons under the standars of beauty. Is not something I decided, it happened in this way. The key is finding a weird enough person for finding you attractive (me probably).


If not, I must say a rebel phrase, ehhh
I want to slay this tyrannical laws with the blade of justice...

Naaah I don't like it, not epic enough.
But ai could do it, I have a sword in my house. A sharp sword. I could did the harakiri to myself if I was so mad.

 

[Gray Wounds]

my blood's so red. I think it loves to be free. it runs out of me quite quickly as if it despises me a lot

 

[Gray Wounds]

patched my cuts up. I need no unwanted attention to be attracted to it.

 

[Gray Wounds]

I like the color of my name. Reminds me of poison.

 

[creatureoflight]

True love towards somebody is respecting their choice and letting him leave this world. That's the only worthy form of love. The rest are a waste of time.

I think they are just trying to make you see that there might be another way out of your problems than suicide

 

[Tiburcio]

I think they are just trying to make you see that there might be another way out of your problems than suicide

I appreciate you try to help me, but unfortunately I can't agree. The most part of people gives a flying damn about if I am happy or not, if I have problems or not. They are just unsupportive.

In my case, I struggled a lot trying to find an exit, I tried to believe all that toxicity they said to me; then after years of reflexion I noticed my problems are just not solvable. This is the way I chose and I think I deserve some support. And if they really love me as much as they say, they would leave their pride and selfishness apart and support me.

 

[creatureoflight]

I appreciate you try to help me, but unfortunately I can't agree. The most part of people gives a flying damn about if I am happy or not, if I have problems or not. They are just unsupportive.

In my case, I struggled a lot trying to find an exit, I tried to believe all that toxicity they said to me; then after years of reflexion I noticed my problems are just not solvable. This is the way I chose and I think I deserve some support. And if they really love me as much as they say, they would leave their pride and selfishness apart and support me.

I'm not you and so I cannot judge. I read somewhere that you are sort of young, life changes and so maybe it will also change for you too. That's my thought here. I think to myself: I will wait a while more and see how things go, and it if sucks I can always do it. Suicide is always an option for me and that gives me so much peace of mind that I can live on through this forum.
Good luck to you in all situations, whatever they are and wherever you are.

 

[Gray Wounds]

Seems like I'm not going to hear the very voice that I long to hear. Perhaps, I will need to open that part of my brain that contains every deleted memory before I CTB. But it'll be too awful to do, I might end up insane for real.

 

[Gray Wounds]

6 days left. I'm passing time by killing humans in a game. At least it'll help me in all possible ways.

 

[Gray Wounds]

What I should've said back then when those humans shouted and humiliated me in front of everyone, making it clear that I am to be abominated and not liked, which worked by the way, thanks to them even they who holds still to their belief that I am still a human being, now looks at me with hatred and disgust:

"I didn't do what you think I did. I wish I did. But you are not a person of interest. Stop shouting at me you monsters! Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!"

But instead, I just stood there, pretending that it didn't matter to me at all, that I did not hear it. I smiled and walked away, my fists balled inside my jacket pockets. My tears are just behind my eyes. But I didn't cry. My body shook in rage, or what was it?

There should be a reason for what they did. But there's none. Everything's already fucked back then. I was just hanging on to the humans who believed in me. And then, all of a sudden, they vanished. They couldn't even look at me, greet me back. Until I too got tired and stopped trying to win them back on my side.

 

[Dip]

Heck, my freaking sister has what, three kids by now? And she is only one year older than me, which means she isn't even 30 years old yet. Like, bitch what are you doing?

Replicating her DNA with as much thought to the process as a bacterium.

Observe, if your eyes can take it:

 

[Gray Wounds]

The first bomb this school year was dropped to me. Seems like my enemies will become my teachers. Hmmm.. Go on, keep on fueling my rage until I am left with nothing but an overflowing anger, enough to give me strength to cut deeper and precisely.

 

[ge0rge]

I spend most of my days thinking about the palliative role of self-murder, calculating how much more money I need to save to make at least part of my unbearable situation bearable, and browsing hate tumblrs

 

[Gray Wounds]

I cannot silence the voices, the noises that aren't even there. I'm near being insane. I must regain control by freeing myself from this carcass.

 

[deflagrat]

I cannot silence the voices, the noises that aren't even there. I'm near being insane. I must regain control by freeing myself from this carcass.

Are you talking about hallucinations? Be careful, some things can look like they are not but in fact they actually are hallucinations. Stuff like your teachers being your enemy and things like that. I wish I knew that from the beginning.

 

[Gray Wounds]

Are you talking about hallucinations? Be careful, some things can look like they are not but in fact they actually are hallucinations. Stuff like your teachers being your enemy and things like that. I wish I knew that from the beginning.

yeah. i've been hallucinating for 2 years now. i see things that aren't even there. it only got worse this 2017.
i also lose track of time without me knowing it. for instance, I thought I was inside my room talking to a human being I know. it seems so real. then as if I was awakened from a dream, I will be pulled back from reality, and I will discover myself standing still somewhere (worse is in the road but not in the middle).

I wish I knew that from the beginning.

do you also have hallucinations?

 

[Tiburcio]

For scaring other people, you must menace them with a knife, spreading cockroaches in his bed... For me, showing a "cute" anime picture is enough for activating all my alerts.

 

[Fylobatica]

It just occurred to me that @Tiburcio has the best avatar image that I've seen in a long while

 

[Tiburcio]

I wonder what inspired you to pick this nickname?

The last day I almost forgot this question but Fylobatica sounds peculiar. Has this name some special meaning or something?

 

[Fylobatica]

The last day I almost forgot this question but Fylobatica sounds peculiar. Has this name some special meaning or something?

Yep, it's a play on two Greek words, "phylos" (meaning "tribe") and "bates" (meaning "walker"), as I'm always been envisioning myself as a lone entity wandering among many (people or territories, being them virtual or 'real', whatever this word means).

 

[Gray Wounds]

Sometimes, the mind is too wide it tends to ignore the smallest yet most important parts of an argument.

 

[Tiburcio]

I remembered a conversation I had two years ago. When flirting with girls didn't bore me I talked with one who said me why I don't want to have tattoos and the short answer was "it hurts", then she said me that following that logic then I wouldn't want to have kids because they hurt too. At that point I left the conversation, and now I remembered why I am way less sociable than before.

 

[Fylobatica]

I wonder what will be the next musical style that will get mainstream popularity.

It'll probably be rubbish but I'm still curious