Random thoughts

[Life sucks]

I got really scared by how a character stretches his body when I saw my cousin watch an anime called One Piece when I was little. But I loved One Piece when I eventually watched it myself XD

Gomu Gomu No

 

[KCN]

I got really scared by how a character stretches his body when I saw my cousin watch an anime called One Piece when I was little. But I loved One Piece when I eventually watched it myself XD

Yeah, One Piece is a hell of a story. The mangaka started drawing the first chapters back in 1997, yet he has to complete it! Talking about commitment to something...

 

[Caerula]

Yeah, One Piece is a hell of a story. The mangaka started drawing the first chapters back in 1997, yet he has to complete it! Talking about commitment to something...

Sometimes I want to live just so maybe I will get to see the ending of these animes :D

 

[millefeui]

Want to know how a person with extreme anxiety, poor concentration skills and zero motivation function as a human being?

It is simply. They don't.

 

[Tiburcio]

Want to know how a person with extreme anxiety, poor concentration skills and zero motivation function as a human being?

It is simply. They don't.

I have that three characteristics. No we don't work as them. They blame me for being unprodictive. People is really shitty.

 

[millefeui]

I have that three characteristics. No we don't work as them. They blame me for being unprodictive. People is really shitty.

Yeah, so do I.

 

[Tiburcio]

Sometimes I want to die drinking poison. I mean, more intoxicated than I'm now is impossible, so who cares about the pain? I had poison in my veins for years, sure I can endure one hour of it in my stomach.

 

[Maggotymaggots]

Want to know how a person with extreme anxiety, poor concentration skills and zero motivation function as a human being?

It is simply. They don't.

I'm living proof of that.

 

[Tiburcio]

If life is a gift, where I left the return ticket?

 

[millefeui]

Well, if life was a gift, I am sure 8 (?) billion people + animals, plants, etc wouldn't have it. Generally speaking, good things are for the few.

 

[ultraviolet sin]

Sometimes I want to live just so maybe I will get to see the ending of these animes :D

I want to live only to see Season 7 venture Bros.

 

[ultraviolet sin]

Well, if life was a gift, I am sure 8 (?) billion people + animals, plants, etc wouldn't have it. Generally speaking, good things are for the few.

And inversely, few things are for the good.

 

[Vvcv]

Well, if life was a gift, I am sure 8 (?) billion people + animals, plants, etc wouldn't have it. Generally speaking, good things are for the few.

"What kind of gift life is if you can't return it?" as Philip Nitschke says. Have you tried Lucid Dreaming? Give it a go, everyone can do it. My dreams are much better now than they were a few years ago, so they always look interesting to me. Sometimes I feel like writing them and do reality checks and stuff, sometimes I don't feel like doing all that. It's usually worth it. I am still waiting for a decent lucid dreaming mask to have more dreams like that.

By the way, if you don't know where to find books about Lucid Dreaming send me a private message, I have a few of them from 1337x torrents.

 

[icky]

I'm convinced that everyone in my life will be okay without me. I add nothing to their days and I'm only ever called upon to show up at family gatherings. Extended family has stopped asking me about my life because they know the answer is always the same, "Oh just hanging out at the house. I was doing ____ for a while but it didn't work out."

I get uncomfortable watching movies/shows/documentaries involving the area of work I've wanted to be in. I can't get past the feeling that it's too late for me to ever have that life. I can feel resentment towards them as well as myself for missing the bus, for being a failure.

Everyone expects me to know everything and to already have my life together because I'm almost 30. People say that isn't old so why am I constantly made to feel like my time to bloom has already passed? I watch documentaries and read biographies/articles and it's a constant stream of people living fulfilling lives by 20-23. I hear people criticizing others for starting new things in their 30's saying, "They're too old to be doing [new thing]!" Everything is telling me that I've reached my expiration date.

 

[Vvcv]

I'm convinced that everyone in my life will be okay without me. I add nothing to their days and I'm only ever called upon to show up at family gatherings. Extended family has stopped asking me about my life because they know the answer is always the same, "Oh just hanging out at the house. I was doing ____ for a while but it didn't work out."

I get uncomfortable watching movies/shows/documentaries involving the area of work I've wanted to be in. I can't get past the feeling that it's too late for me to ever have that life. I can feel resentment towards them as well as myself for missing the bus, for being a failure.

Everyone expects me to know everything and to already have my life together because I'm almost 30. People say that isn't old so why am I constantly made to feel like my time to bloom has already passed? I watch documentaries and read biographies/articles and it's a constant stream of people living fulfilling lives by 20-23. I hear people criticizing others for starting new things in their 30's saying, "They're too old to be doing [new thing]!" Everything is telling me that I've reached my expiration date.

I am in the same situation, and it's not just about all the time lost, but the damage mental illness has done to my brain. Like, why start at all? It's probably much better this way, I don't have to have unmet expectations, I don't have to work a million hours like some people do. It's just one hardship (suicide) and everything will be over. It's not like life was worth it... So that's my alternative.

 

[Life sucks]

Life is a lie and the first lie is inserting the "f"

 

[millefeui]

"What kind of gift life is if you can't return it?" as Philip Nitschke says. Have you tried Lucid Dreaming? Give it a go, everyone can do it. My dreams are much better now than they were a few years ago, so they always look interesting to me. Sometimes I feel like writing them and do reality checks and stuff, sometimes I don't feel like doing all that. It's usually worth it. I am still waiting for a decent lucid dreaming mask to have more dreams like that.

By the way, if you don't know where to find books about Lucid Dreaming send me a private message, I have a few of them from 1337x torrents.

No, I never tried or experienced lucid dreaming. I don't really know how.

 

[Tiburcio]

I tried lucid-dreaming and I never succeed. I am never able to know if I'm dreaming, the only time it happened I suddenly woke up.

 

[millefeui]

I'm convinced that everyone in my life will be okay without me. I add nothing to their days and I'm only ever called upon to show up at family gatherings. Extended family has stopped asking me about my life because they know the answer is always the same, "Oh just hanging out at the house. I was doing ____ for a while but it didn't work out."

I get uncomfortable watching movies/shows/documentaries involving the area of work I've wanted to be in. I can't get past the feeling that it's too late for me to ever have that life. I can feel resentment towards them as well as myself for missing the bus, for being a failure.

Everyone expects me to know everything and to already have my life together because I'm almost 30. People say that isn't old so why am I constantly made to feel like my time to bloom has already passed? I watch documentaries and read biographies/articles and it's a constant stream of people living fulfilling lives by 20-23. I hear people criticizing others for starting new things in their 30's saying, "They're too old to be doing [new thing]!" Everything is telling me that I've reached my expiration date.

I used to feel a lot of resentment towards people who are successful in areas I wanted to be successful, and to some extent, I still do. What changed is that I realized nothing I could have done would have gave me the results I desired for. My mental problems are just too much and they would never allow me to reach the heights I wanted to, not to mention I would still hate the majority of what makes the creature I call "myself". In short, even if I succeeded in the areas I wanted to, I would still be miserable. The truth is was dealt extremely unfavorable cards in this life and it was pretty much impossible for me to become anything I truly desired. No amounts of hard work would lead me there.

So, honestly, I am done feeling bad about cousins and people of my age or younger being "successful" while I am an useless nobody. If they were in my position, I doubt they would have done much. Life wasn't kind to me. I have a broken body and mind and I wasn't even born in a country where opportunities are plenty. It is not fair for me to judge myself based on standards I couldn't possibly meet within my limitations.

Anyways, I can totally relate to what you are saying. I do not agree that being on your 30s is too late to follow a new path, though. It depends on what you want to follow. Certain things you truly need to start as soon as possible, preferably in your childhood, but others not so much. I know people who changed careers after their 30s and are somehow happy and successful, so anything is possible.

 

[Life sucks]

I felt euphoric knowing a peaceful method is possible. I was anxious feeling its impossible. Nothing really changed but the 0% turned to 1% or more. I'll keep the research and hope

 

[Tiburcio]

Why don't accepting life is inherently bad and stopping searching therapy and shits? It's so wrong wanting to end existence with dignity?

 

[Tiburcio]

I want to sleep foreveeeeeeeeeer

 

[thatguyakira123]

I think my body was created just to fuck with me. So many things wrong with it but on the surface I seem ok. Fuck I just wish I could get cancer already.

 

[millefeui]

I think my body was created just to fuck with me. So many things wrong with it but on the surface I seem ok. Fuck I just wish I could get cancer already.

I wish an aneurysm would explode and kill me instantly :T

 

[Dip]

If life is a gift, where I left the return ticket?

Or if life is a gift, then why are there so many obligations starting from an early age? ^^

 

[Maggotymaggots]

I feel like I died years ago. I don't know what it is I'm doing, but I don't think it could be described as living.

I wish our bodies died when our desire to live does.

 

[Tiburcio]

I am more of wishing extinction of everything to be honest.




Well, I lied. I'm more of wishing a world when life is objectively good for everyone. And I mean REALLY GOOD, not what people understand for a worthy live. That sucks. As this is completely impossible, the plan B is extinction.

 

[Severen]

I used to feel a lot of resentment towards people who are successful in areas I wanted to be successful, and to some extent, I still do. What changed is that I realized nothing I could have done would have gave me the results I desired for. My mental problems are just too much and they would never allow me to reach the heights I wanted to, not to mention I would still hate the majority of what makes the creature I call "myself". In short, even if I succeeded in the areas I wanted to, I would still be miserable. The truth is was dealt extremely unfavorable cards in this life and it was pretty much impossible for me to become anything I truly desired. No amounts of hard work would lead me there.

So, honestly, I am done feeling bad about cousins and people of my age or younger being "successful" while I am an useless nobody. If they were in my position, I doubt they would have done much. Life wasn't kind to me. I have a broken body and mind and I wasn't even born in a country where opportunities are plenty. It is not fair for me to judge myself based on standards I couldn't possibly meet within my limitations.

Anyways, I can totally relate to what you are saying. I do not agree that being on your 30s is too late to follow a new path, though. It depends on what you want to follow. Certain things you truly need to start as soon as possible, preferably in your childhood, but others not so much. I know people who changed careers after their 30s and are somehow happy and successful, so anything is possible.

It's good that you made peace with your self. It's good that you accepted that you are a slave to causality. It's better than beating yourself up everyday.

 

[millefeui]

It's good that you made peace with your self. It's good that you accepted that you are a slave to causality. It's better than beating yourself up everyday.

Sure. It is also a little on the pathetic side of things, but better this way than drowning myself in a puddle of self pity.

 

[thatguyakira123]

I wish an aneurysm would explode and kill me instantly :T

I'd love it if that happened to me.