Random thoughts

[Tiburcio]

I was shithead enough for spoiling myself the ending of The Last of Us, and as consequence I had ruined a great part of the experience.

 

[millefeui]

I was shithead enough for spoiling myself the ending of The Last of Us, and as consequence I had ruined a great part of the experience.

It still is a wonderful journey to experience, even knowing the end.

 

[millefeui]

That was surprising. And the likes weren't even by Cyanide!

 

[Caerula]

Maybe people were inspired by cyanide, myself included XD

 

[Life sucks]

Unlike you guys, I forget the like button and other stuff exists

 

[Sonnenblume]

I wish I could change my screen name to something panda related

 

[Sonnenblume]

I love my new avatar.

 

[Caerula]

I love my new avatar.

It's so adorable :D

 

[FakeNews]

I love my new avatar.

Saw this this morning and thought of you @Sonnenblume

https://www.cnn.com/interactive/2018/06/world/pandas-ami-vitale-cnnphotos/index.html

Maybe we could get you one of the panda suits for your exit.

 

[Sonnenblume]

Saw this this morning and thought of you @Sonnenblume

https://www.cnn.com/interactive/2018/06/world/pandas-ami-vitale-cnnphotos/index.html

Maybe we could get you one of the panda suits for your exit.

I did order this shirt for my exit https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B072N1NVM3/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o00_s01?ie=UTF8&psc=1

There are a lot of issues with panda breeding, I'm not for it. It's too complicated to type out here. Contrary to what they are claiming, reintroducing them into the wild isn't overall working. China mainly does it for the money and press. Unfortunately the pandas pay the price in the end. Greed fucks everything.

 

[Lucas]

Maybe we could get you one of the panda suits for your exit.

Someone would mistake you for being a furry. Now I have an image in my head about someone dying in a fursuit.

 

[millefeui]

Nothing wrong with furries. No bullying here : )

 

[Sonnenblume]

I suspect Philip Nitchke is a raging narcissist. But at least he's a helpful one, unlike most of them.

Also I wish I could figure out a way for my body to never be discovered. I just like the challenge of it tbh, there's no real reason I care. But I think it's pretty much impossible for someone with a disability to not leave a paper trail of evidence.

 

[dhk96]

Random thought: I miss your Mugi pfp :> Any reason why you got rid of it?

 

[Sonnenblume]

Give me pandas or give me death!

 

[Sonnenblume]

Is it sad that the only thing I'm waiting on to CTB is the pink panda shirt I ordered?

 

[millefeui]

Random thought: I miss your Mugi pfp :> Any reason why you got rid of it?

I was going to stop posting here (and everywhere on the internet). I don't have the picture anymore, so I put another one from KOn!

I love that Mugi picture. I wish I was positive and bubbly like Mugi, instead of this vortex of depression, sadness and death that I am.

 

[millefeui]

I tried to find the old picture, but no luck. I hope this one is good enough.

 

[Nano]

I find it interesting this thread idea, here's my random though:
I'm in the autism spectrum(please,understand,the autism is a complex spectrum and don't think I'm "less" than other people,I'm human too.But in this forum,people seem to respect everyone,and that's nice,but it's still important to point that ;It's the first time I find people that respects the others.)people around me treat me like I don't have feelings or an opinion about things and I can't take care of myself,that really annoys me.But everyone is human and everyone can have mental disorders(i have borderline personality and anxiety disorder as well,autism is not a disease) . I think that people should search informations about those things(disorders) before judge someone.Everyone has the right to do what they feel it will be better for them,I think it's selfish to force someone to do something that the person doesn't feel good,that includes live. (I also apologize for grammar errors,it's hard for me to comunicate,even if it's online.I'm really insecure about starting a thread due to my writing or because i say something that can be hard for others to understand).

 

[Sonnenblume]

Your writing is fine, Nano, I understand you perfectly :)

 

[Nano]

Your writing is fine, Nano, I understand you perfectly :)

Thank you Sonnenblume :)

 

[millefeui]

Ridley in Super Smash Bros. I guess I will be using my Switch more often from December onward.

 

[Life sucks]

I've just noticed how writing here takes long time

 

[Life sucks]

This is funny concept.
I see a lot of sentences like "A sells N"

Why not make all of our sentences like this, P meets Q

lol

 

[Kitty]

I suppose I've creeped long enough. I'm really not sure where to start because I'm just a little clouded from all the benadryl I took. No, it was not an attempt. Just needed to sedate myself for some well deserved sleep.

The only thing that is stopping me right now is my inability (the download isn't working for the Dec2017 PDF on PPeH) to access the information needed to purchase N.

/rant

But I suppose I could rant here and maybe provoke some comments. I have confided in several people that I may or may not take my life, only because I feel like they deserve to have me a little while longer, even if it's not the best me. I just want to know why people are so adamant on being "pro-life." I've always been suicidal, probably since I was 13, I just recently turned 27 and I've realized how my life is not as meaningful as I've tried to make it to be. The only reason why I have not taken it sooner is because I was in countless relationships trying to find a reason for tomorrow. But, here I am again alone. I realize that it's not the answer, you can't find purpose in someone else. People are programmed to be selfish and only care for themselves and what they want. So I want this time to be about me and for me to be able to take what I want when I want to. The people around me don't understand why I want to take my life. They are telling me "the sun will rise again tomorrow," well obviously, unless my death impedes the earths capability of rotating, i'm pretty sure it will. I understand the gesture a lot, I truly do. They're being selfish because they don't want to face the fact that someone close to them will depart.But i find it wild that I can't get over that hump and I'm afraid of hurting them more than death that will consume me.

But what happened yesterday?

The second you tell somebody you want to die, they're all like "Oh no, life is beautiful, you have so much to live for -- blah. blah. blah." I know that, I know life is wonderful and all the unicorns and rainbows. However, it's not for me. I don't want it. I am tired. I am physically, mentally and emotionally tired. After years of abuse and I'm talking years of abuse from friends, families, lovers, teachers, professors, and XYZ and the other. It's taxing. I tried to help out much as I could until I decide to go. It's like, I can't donate blood anymore, my body won't let me. I donate my hair already, children with cancer can have my hair. My organs are useless, because let's be fair. Why not give the girl who never smoked, did drugs or anything, have a bunch of things wrong with her. Oh, and we can't figure out why new things keep happening. I just want people to understand that this is a decision I want to make and not feel guilty about it. Why is it so hard to not guilt trip someone? I've spent years being as selfless as I possibly good. All I'm asking is let me take one selfish act and you guys live on with my memories. The good, the bad and the ugly.

Here I am now, typing this, doing my quizzes that are due next week, talking to my brother who wants to tell me otherwise about living. All nonchalantly. If this isn't an apparent sign that I'm tired and it's time to go, then I don't know what is. This isn't a plea to live, this isn't a plea for attention or gratification. I just want the people around me to understand that once I go, it'll be ok. The world will turn again. Just November, I heard of a friend who went by shotgun. I was deeply saddened, but a part of me was extremely jealous. He had access to what I couldn't have. Now I'm trying to get access to N because I want to be able to go in the way that was always running from me; sleep.

I suppose all I'm doing now is waiting to be able to contact A to get N and then work on an exit strategy. I just want to know how you guys plan on telling loved ones? How do you get them to stop making it about them and make them realize that it was your time to go? What goes through your mind when they come up? I redrafted my letter at least a dozen time, but each time it doesn't leave a sense of closure. Just more questions. It frustrates the hell out of me

/rantover

 

[icky]

Something that keeps me from committing is my fear of people trying to involve themselves in my actions. Like that part in Heathers with everyone exaggerating their relationship with Heather Chandler, projecting onto their brief interactions with her for the cameras or to "get one over on her" in front of everyone.

"Heather and I used to go out but she said I was boring... but now I realize I really wasn't boring. It's just that she was dissatisfied with her life."​

"It's not gonna be the same here without her..."
"What are you talking about? You hated her, she hated you!"
​

There's a lot of unavoidables with CTB'ing and I'm trying to work my way through them. The thought of being used as a way for others to appear thoughtful or moral is something I can't stand. It's probably why I'll try to go "forever missing" instead of leaving my remains in civilization.

 

[millefeui]

I don't necessarily fear that, but I do worry about people taking their lives because I took mine. That wouldn't be nice.

--

I think I don't have a personality. In a few years I will be 30, and I was never able to decide on favorite stuff, what I like, dislike, etc. I mean, I can speak in generals. "I don't like sweet stuff" (I don't for the most part). But if someone asks me what is my favorite food, drink, game, music track, film, etc, it takes me forever to choose one or two, and I will keep second guessing myself.

It is a minor issue, but rather annoying.

 

[FakeNews]

I don't necessarily fear that, but I do worry about people taking their lives because I took mine. That wouldn't be nice.

--

In a few years I will be 30, and I was never able to decide on favorite stuff, what I like, dislike, etc. I mean, I can speak in generals. "I don't like sweet stuff" (I don't for the most part). But if someone asks me what is my favorite food, drink, game, music track, film, etc, it takes me forever to choose one or two, and I will keep second guessing myself.

It is a minor issue, but rather annoying.

I think it just means you put more thought into the answer than most. I'm more of a say what first comes to mind with confidence and be done with it, it doesn't make much difference in the grand scheme of things.

 

[Imaginos]

I really like watching this gif. I wish today was the day.

 

[Nate]

Cool gif.