Random thoughts

[hʚll]

the choice to die is only mine. this forum has only been comforting to me. thank you

 

[Mentalmick]

Cats can be right dickheads when they want to be. There's a cat that stays up the road from me. It lures you in acting all fluffy and cute, then the second you touch the little black and white cunt, back go the ears and out come the claws.

 

[Meditation guide]

I am tired of anxiety.

 

[Seaghost]

So the vortex starts again? Since thursday it's getting better.
Now the questions marks comming back into my head and besides that the emptiness. Just slowly but getting stronger.
Please not...make it stop.

 

[Meditation guide]

Something needs to change for the better very soon.

 

[hʚll]

is it possible to be ethical if life itself is not ethical

 

[hʚll]

i feel like i am a new person everytime i contemplate the present and feel really disconnected from the past which belongs to a stranger. makes me feel even more trapped inside a mind and body which is not mine. is prison

 

[hʚll]

i want a pill to put me immediately to sleep for some hours when i feel the dread incoming

everytime i say lol, i say it out of desperation from not being dead yet

(sorry for spamming this thread lol)

 

[Meditation guide]

I need a supply of ivermectin since making an informed decision to not get vaccinated against covid. ivermectin offers protection from covid in several studies at around 87%. It's horrific some of the disabilities the vaccines have caused in mostly women. The symptoms resemble MS and are totally debilitating. One 15 year old girl was paralyzed from the chest down.

 

[hʚll]

it's traumatic every time i realize that i'm inside a body
what is this
where is me
what even is me
i suffocate inside

 

[Lmd]

Stop crying so I can go to the supermarket would be fine

 

[littlelungs]

It sucks total dick to have to interact with a narcissist on a daily basis because you're dependent on them for basic help in order to be able to survive in this shitty existence until you can finally get the hell off this planet.

"This is so hard for ME, I'm such a good person, I don't HAVE to help you guys but I do it out of the goodness of my heart, all of my friends say I'm an amazing mother/mother-in-law, me me me..."

Meanwhile, you have your health, a social life etc, all the while your son and daughter-in-law not only have neither of those things, but are suffering beyond comprehension. I always tell you how grateful I am for your help, and I try to make things as easy on you as possible. I know it's a difficult situation but a little bit of perspective would go a long way. But thanks, I guess, for not completely leaving us to rot out of the "goodness of your heart".

You're always the victim. You completely lack perspective and empathy for anyone other than yourself, and then you wonder why your relationship with your own son is so irreparably broken. It's amazing that he turned out as "well" as he did – and you did A LOT of damage.

When you bring another human into the world, there's always the chance that they're not going to turn out the way you want them to. Shit happens, and life is just one big gamble. Your son's chronically ill, and he happened to fall in love with someone else who also turned out to be chronically ill and has absolutely no support because her entire family's on the other side of the world. I'm sorry that it's not what you want, but that's what happened, and guilt-tripping us for something we have absolutely no control over doesn't change a single god damn thing, so I don't know what you're trying to get out of this.

I have such a headache.

 

[Meditation guide]

I am determined to be happy. And I am.

 

[hʚll]

i wish i was confident enough to tell my family i don't want to go with them on holiday. so i could stay home alone and do my ctb. time feels too slow how can i wait more
at my limit already

 

[nightnightnitrite]

I am constantly alone with nothing but time on my hands and my brain wont stop wandering into darkness, what if's and thoughts about them. My bottle of SN is looking pretty friendly right now.

 

[Seaghost]

Saw some photos of the one I won't be able to touch anymore in this life. She and her new boyfriend.
It's like touching a meteres thick wall of glass with her behind of it.
No slamming, no screaming nor touching helps.
Thank you god once more.

 

[littlelungs]

I'm laying in bed and learning Czech on Duolingo, as one usually does at 4am, and I keep hearing banging and seeing flashing lights out of the corner of my eye, so I think to myself, "Fuck, am I hallucinating or something?"

No, dumbass, it's called thunder and lightning.

 

[Meditation guide]

When things seem extra bad and upsetting, when something comes to an end that we wish wouldn't have ended, sometimes it's to pave the way for something better in some way. It's an opening and getting rid of that which needed to end.

 

[Meditation guide]

I was having a nightmare and woke up to another one.

 

[motel rooms]

What am I to do with all this burning? I wanna kiss you, but you just want me to fuck you

 

[Symbiote]

The US is honestly a joke when it comes to dealing with people who are different to others

 

[GrumpyFrog]

It's a comforting experience to kind of fall out of life for a while, stay in a hospital, and then find things exactly as they were when you return. It reassures me that nothing is going to be amiss when I'm finally completely gone.
In other news, ever since I started using Facebook it kept taunting me with a "you've got a new friend recommendation" for that one former best friend I hadn't talked to in years every single day, which made no sense since how is it a new recommendation every day for three months. I just joked about the app being diabolically aware of my darkest thoughts and tormenting me by constantly remininding me about them. And lo and behold, today at 4 AM I suddenly receive a notification, but instead of "you've got a new friend recommendation: xxx" it's "xxx has accepted your friend request". What? I swear to God I would be more likely to drink a pack of drain cleaner than approach him with a Facebook friend request after all these years and I seriously do not remember doing that and I haven't even been drinking in a while. I know that logically it was probably just a misclick when I was trying to make another "new friend recommendation" go away, but I prefer to think that this happened because Facebook was made by Satan, and that why Facebook app has a mind of it's own, reads my mind and messes with my head. I need to delete the app. And to perform exorcism on my cellphone afterwards.

 

[Meditation guide]

Where are people like me who just want to have fun and be silly and joke around? I'm looking at the lighter side of suicide. Not funny I know, that's the problem, it's just me.

 

[Amumu]

Where are people like me who just want to have fun and be silly and joke around? I'm looking at the lighter side of suicide. Not funny I know, that's the problem, it's just me.

Welcome to the world of nihilism, you'll see it's amazing. Team Schopenhauer.

"The world is indeed comic, but the joke is on humankind."

Let's laugh at that nightmare together.

 

[Meditation guide]

 

[Symbiote]

What's the point of venting, when the person you're venting to keeps on reframing and making it out that everything is your fault?

 

[http-410]

I can't put it into words, but it's unpleasant.

Pain?

Another night of nightmares awaits me.

I wish I could leave.

I don't want to see people die.

I don't want all this, I never wanted it, but it has come to this.

It's so tragic. I hope it happens quickly for them. I wish I could go with them.

 

[littlelungs]

People from Scandinavia and the Netherlands speak English so freakin' well... sometimes even better than a lot of native English speakers. I'm always so impressed by their language skills.

 

[Meditation guide]

When two people are friends, there is the initial good behavior from each. It's like a general public niceness and friendliness used for everyone. As time goes by and the two people get to know each other and become more familiar there should be a deepening of mutual regard and respect.

Sometimes it happens that you don't feel this deepening of mutual regard and respect, and all that remains is the public politeness and friendship routine. There is no outright rudeness, but that respect isn't there. Then at some point you get the uneasy sense, through their words or behavior, they do not respect you. It can be subtle and easily overlooked. But it indicates the direction things are going; in a toxic direction.

 

[Seaghost]

No no no...the heat seems to disappearing and now I can have my bad soul feelings again.
Not fair....exhausting