Random thoughts

[Redt2go]

It disturbs me how calm I am about ctb. Now that it is perfectly logical to me I don't feel bad about it...

 

[15dec]

I really should tell my friends I'm not ignoring them and just deleted social media.. then again they haven't tried asking why I haven't responded, so I don't know..

 

[Redt2go]

I really should tell my friends I'm not ignoring them and just deleted social media.. then again they haven't tried asking why I haven't responded, so I don't know..

They might not want to bug you

 

[Othermind]

I've had a bit of a crisis yesterday.
Basically told my parents straight up that I'm going to ctb soon. Bad move, I know. They were visibly shocked but I don't know how seriously they took me since they're emotonally repressed as hell. They haven't even mentioned it since and are basically acting like nothing happened.
Anyway, I've moved up the schedule a bit as I'm starting to realize it's pointless to stick around, so I will be purchasing the SN and the anti emetics soon and end it sometimes in april or may once I've gotten some things out of the way.
I've cried twice today, but I also feel calmer. The things that used to be triggers for me are not as bad anymore, because, duh, I know I'm a piece of shit and a despicable human being but I'll be dead soon so whatever.
I don't know, it could just be that I haven't been drinking in almost a week, we'll see.

 

[Redt2go]

Anyway, I've moved up the schedule a bit as I'm starting to realize it's pointless to stick around, so I will be purchasing the SN and the anti emetics soon and end it sometimes in april or may once I've gotten some things out of the way.
I've cried twice today, but I also feel calmer. The things that used to be triggers for me are not as bad anymore, because, duh, I know I'm a piece of shit and a despicable human being but I'll be dead soon so whatever.
I don't know, it could just be that I haven't been drinking in almost a week, we'll see.

I completely relate to this

 

[Othermind]

I completely relate to this

Same for me with your post.
I can't quite process the fact that I'll be dying soon, I dread it and look forward to it at the same time, all the while not even thinking it's for real.
I wll say this, it feels way more liberating that the prospect of hopping back on the therapy merry-go-round.

 

[Sinbad]

Dogs are my favorite humans!

 

[Redt2go]

Stability and happiness has been an illusion throughout my life...

 

[VoloFataliDoce]

Stability and happiness has been an illusion throughout my life...

The best poetry and artwork comes from people who understand that simple fact. Fleeting moments of happiness are only followed by deeper agony.

 

[mattwitt]

no energy today

 

[bunny]

there's so much conditioning from abuse surfacing. i please everyone around me. i let them degrade me because i just want to hear a voice. i want company. i never had love. i never had compassion. and even if i did, it wouldn't last anyway. they realize how horrible i am. we all die. we all are forgotten. i wish i could isolate myself from the world. i wish i didn't have the urges to speak to people. there is no solace in people. there never will be

 

[lost illusions]

Despite how down I've been, I found to toy to drown out the noise in my head

 

[Redt2go]

Getting rid of all my stuff reminds me of how exhausting moving is. I've moved so many times. I'm so glad I'll never have to move again! Trying to surpress my happiness bc a sudden increase in mood is a sign of suicide.

 

[Johnnythefox]

I feel like I'm in a place of limbo, my past life keeps playing over in my head.

 

[sadsoul]

It's weird to think that there was a time when I didn't think about death, a time when everything wasn't so hopeless and broken.

 

[TheCrow]

It disturbs me how calm I am about ctb. Now that it is perfectly logical to me I don't feel bad about it...

It actually makes too much sense.

 

[sadsoul]

School is already torture and people seriously expect me to go to uni or get a job? Lmao I might be suicidal but I'm not a masochist

 

[Redt2go]

School is already torture and people seriously expect me to go to uni or get a job? Lmao I might be suicidal but I'm not a masochist

hahaha

 

[wxtyubidi7y]

I know this shouldn't be posted here, but I found it being unworthy of a new thread as well as a method .... which is why I came here...

I was quietly enjoying (chugging) a glass of wine as usual, and randomly started thinking if anyone has ever ctb over wine OD, I tried using the search bar ,and I couldn't find anything here but I found this when I googled ..... and got me wondering, Anyone know anthing about this?

"The lethal dose of alcohol is 5 to 8g/kg (3g/kg for children)– that is, for a 60kg person, 300g of alcohol can kill, which is equal to 30 standard drinks (about 1 litre of spirits or four bottles of wine)."

Ever tried drinking an obscene amount of alcohol? When i was 14 I chugged a bottle of spirits in public and was unable to stand, rolling around in the gutter vomiting on myself for hours until I got taken to drunk cells. There was a LOT of vomiting before I became unconscious/fell asleep. I had a five day "hangover" that I think involved concussion from repeatedly hitting my head on the concrete trying to sit up or stand.

 

[Redt2go]

Moving your belongings is fucking exhausting

 

[lost illusions]

Moving your belongings is fucking exhausting

Yes it is

 

[Redt2go]

I miss you @Smilla xxx

 

[Smilla]

I miss you @Smilla xxx

Miss you too and love your avatar btw.

 

[Redt2go]

Miss you too and love your avatar btw.

Thanks

 

[CFLoser]

I CHALLENGE THE WORLD!

 

[Deleted member 847]

IT'S OKAY NOT TO BE OKAY

 

[Redt2go]

I REALLY want to do LSD before I die. Unfortunately I'm too disconnected to know a drug dealer :( oh well at least I've had lucid dreams

 

[lost illusions]

Ever tried drinking an obscene amount of alcohol? When i was 14 I chugged a bottle of spirits in public and was unable to stand, rolling around in the gutter vomiting on myself for hours until I got taken to drunk cells. There was a LOT of vomiting before I became unconscious/fell asleep. I had a five day "hangover" that I think involved concussion from repeatedly hitting my head on the concrete trying to sit up or stand.

You should try German gummy worms lol

 

[Made4TV]

I keep thinking I'm like Truman...in the movie Truman (Jim Carrey)....and someday soon I'll bump into the sky and find it's rreally just all a huge movie or TV set and the calamity of my life has just been fodder for the masses.

 

[stellabelle]

There's something I want so badly but I have no idea how to achieve it