Random thoughts

[Sinbad]

I am so close to CTB rn.. I am not afraid of death or the state of nothingness. But.. but i will miss out on LOVE if I go. I want to experience more of love giving and receiving.
Love is really the only thing what makes life worthwhile.

Unfortunately for me you reap what you sow.

 

[Donewith_]

Unfortunately for me you reap what you sow.

It holds true for many actually. But some people are just not lucky enough to get the good fruits of what they have sowed.

 

[AndyCurious]

nutrition fact ~
if you drink a gallon of water per day, you won't have time for other people's drama because you'll be too busy peeing.
stay hydrated my friends.

 

[ForestLove]

I'm so beyond tired of feeling and thinking. I'm so tired of emotions, and I have too many of them. Thinking, feeling, and seeing the same things over again and again everyday without any end in sight...if only I could blow my brains out.

I feel you.

 

[ForestLove]

I secretly told the Almighty above to take decades out of my Life jus so my parents have a long and healthy life. Coz I dun intend to live long. It's miserable.

 

[brighter]

Yes unfortunately

It hurts, doesn't it? All I'm gonna say is that if you're in too much pain, let go. Just let go. Sending you all the patience and peace I have :) x

 

[brighter]

nutrition fact ~
if you drink a gallon of water per day, you won't have time for other people's drama because you'll be too busy peeing.
stay hydrated my friends.

Wow you actually made me laugh. Maybe i should eat a lot because shitting takes longer and it keeps me away from people for more time :D:D

 

[brighter]

I buried many people, many lives, my own blood. My birth was a disaster.. that should have been avoided at any cost.
I am born to kill people.

What do you mean? Are you blaming yourself for things that have happened?

 

[brighter]

I remember being 7 or so and I suddenly just didn't want to keep living, I felt the soul anguish of being alive, so I layed down on a floor and cried as long as there were tears and watched the yellow lamp through tears. I didn't cry because I had lost something or someone, I cried because I hated the feeling of having to exist, and grownups have no answers to soul problems themselves, mother shamed me, and I'm crying there without proper vocabulary for feelings. Then I stood up and went to watch some shit on TV as nothing had happened.

I hate the way that you hated life that young. It should have been better, should have been brighter for you. I hope you get the happiness you should have had as a child x

 

[brighter]

Huh, which song do u mean?

No I can't because I don't want to, even if in many moments I know it may just be a trap and maybe it's even no thing of choice or attitude, I still hope for something good or at least I'm just enjoying the short moments of being free of burning chains ...who wouldn't? Hell I would take diacetylmorphine if someone offers me, I'm annoyed of that shit but it just won't get away while time flows so I'll just try to see it as judgement and invitation to esteem that it could be a little bit worse, maybe this changes something in my insides on a complicated psychological way or maybe it's just a waste of time, anyways I'm gonna keep consuming that good stuff that gives me the suitability not to instantly kill myself in one of the worse moods and havin some joy, maybe that will work for some more time if I upgrade to benzos/opiates :D It's not that easy to get benzos around here so maybe I'll order some Etizolam from the Netherlands for anxiolytic support

I get you but personally I would do anything to shut hope out. ANYTHING to stop giving a shit about other people.
Have you watched the TED talk on Oxytocin? It's about this hormone, oxytocin, that is strongly linked to trust and after listening to all that information about how high oxytocin levels equate to high trust levels, I shut down and cried.
My little brother came and asked me what was wrong and I looked at him and said "I wanna take out all the oxytocin in my blood". He didn't understand what the fuck I was on about but he didn't say anything. You don't need words to understand pain.

 

[Johnnythefox]

Wow you actually made me laugh. Maybe i should eat a lot because shitting takes longer and it keeps me away from people for more time :D:D

Get some of this and kill two birds with one stone, I speak from experience, alternatively buy several packs of diabetic hard boiled sweets, again I speak from experience. Just ensure you have exclusive access to a toilet.
"We advise you to stay within easy reach of a toilet as the bowel preparation causes multiple, often urgent bowel movements. It may start working within 30 minutes but sometimes takes much longer. The effects will last up to six hours or sometimes more"

 

[brighter]

Just want to say how much I fucking love you guys (sorrynotsorry for swearing) but fuck me sometimes you just blow me away with your love.

And then I don't know how I feel about that because I don't want to hurt you by leaving.

And then I remember we're all cool with that.

And then I love you all over again.

Being human is weird.

Hey now you got me thinking. Do you think that other animals love like we do, trust like we do, get betrayed like we do, get treated so badly that they wanna die like we do? Sort of like shower thoughts but darker :):)

 

[brighter]

Get some of this and kill two birds with one stone, I speak from experience, alternatively buy several packs of diabetic hard boiled sweets, again I speak from experience. Just ensure you have exclusive access to a toilet.
"We advise you to stay within easy reach of a toilet as the bowel preparation causes multiple, often urgent bowel movements. It may start working within 30 minutes but sometimes takes much longer. The effects will last up to six hours or sometimes more"
View attachment 6390

Oh my days. I NEED THIS. Thanks for the bowel advice :D:D duly noted :)

 

[brighter]

On clear nights where the stars and moon show, I get a feeling of euphoria but also sadness. Looking at the stars and moon I realize how fucking huge the universe is, and how small and insignificant I am. I would love to die and just become apart of the universe (if that makes sense, hope it doesn't sound silly)

Have you read our chemical hearts? There's a paragraph I think you'll like.

"The best thing the universe ever gave us is that we'll all be forgotten. I kinda like the idea. That when we die, despite any pain or fear or embarrassment we experienced during our lives, despite any heartbreak or grief, we get to be dispersed back into nothingness. It makes me feel brave, knowing I'll get a blank slate at the end. You get a brief glimmer of consciousness to do with what you will and then it's given back to the universe again. I'm not religious, but even I can appreciate that that's redemption, on the grandest scale. Oblivion isn't scary; it's the closest thing to genuine absolution of sin that I can imagine."
Hope you like it. Hope you read it. And you're not silly. You're smart :)

 

[Johnnythefox]

Oh my days. I NEED THIS. Thanks for the bowel advice :D:D duly noted :)

I would also advise that you wear a dressing gown and miss out the underwear and trousers if you decide to partake in this. The powder is like TNT for the bowels, I don't know if it's possible to OD on this and shit yourself to death, perhaps a Megathread can be created and all avenues explored.

 

[ctrl_alt_delete]

Hey now you got me thinking. Do you think that other animals love like we do, trust like we do, get betrayed like we do, get treated so badly that they wanna die like we do? Sort of like shower thoughts but darker :):)

I'm a bit, erm, drunkypoos, so I hope you'll forgive me for just posting this link to the Wikipedia article about the Cambridge Declaration on Consciousness (2012), regarding whether animals are (or not), which was signed in the presence and with the agreement of Professor Sir Stephen Hawking and a multitude of eminent Cambridge scientists. Full declaration here. As to whether they are able to have a death wish or not, I don't know, our secret thoughts are always subjective, however, my own experience with animals and the documentary Black Fish leads me to suspect that if conditions prove impossible for an entity to live an authentic life, then... yes.

 

[ctrl_alt_delete]

"Life can't get any worse :(", says my pessimistic voice...
"Yes, it can! :)" replies my optimistic voice

nutrition fact ~
if you drink a gallon of water per day, you won't have time for other people's drama because you'll be too busy peeing.
stay hydrated my friends.

If laughter could kill, I'd be dead right now.

 

[brighter]

I

I'm a bit, erm, drunkypoos, so I hope you'll forgive me for just posting this link to the Cambridge Declaration on Consciousness (2012) which was signed in the presence and with the agreement of Professor Sir Stephen Hawking and a multitude of eminent Cambridge scientists. Full declaration here. As to whether they are able to have a death wish or not, I don't know, our secret thoughts are always subjective, however, my own experience with animals and the documentary Black Fish leads me to suspect that if conditions prove impossible for an entity to live an authentic life, then... yes.

I'm going to take a wilddd guess and translate "drunkypoo" to "drunk" :D
the article sounded undrunk(undrunk?) and kind of answered my questions. I hope they do further studies on it, it sounds interesting.

 

[brighter]

If laughter could kill, I'd be dead right now.

ironic, that quote, on a suicide forum :):)

 

[Johnnythefox]

Hey now you got me thinking. Do you think that other animals love like we do, trust like we do, get betrayed like we do, get treated so badly that they wanna die like we do? Sort of like shower thoughts but darker :):)

I brought this up in a thread.

[URL="https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/dogs-ctb.10397/"]Dogs CTB[/URL]

 

[ctrl_alt_delete]

I

I'm going to take a wilddd guess and translate "drunkypoo" to "drunk" :D
the article sounded undrunk(undrunk?) and kind of answered my questions. I hope they do further studies on it, it sounds interesting.

'Drunkypoos' is a 'quaint' English expression used in that narrow time frame when you aren't actually a menace to society yet, but you should definitely start thinking about shutting the hell up and going home. I'm glad you liked the article. God, making sure of my spelling is getting quite hard. Logging off to sleep it off.

 

[brighter]

I would also advise that you wear a dressing gown and miss out the underwear and trousers if you decide to partake in this. The powder is like TNT for the bowels, I don't know if it's possible to OD on this and shit yourself to death, perhaps a Megathread can be created and all avenues explored.

Ok, no trousers then :) the guys will just love that. Thank you, again (I'm thanking you a lot today, aren't I? You need to stop being helpful, you've filled your quota today:D) you've given me a new project.
"Can you OD on Picolax?"

 

[Johnnythefox]

Ok, no trousers then :) the guys will just love that. Thank you, again (I'm thanking you a lot today, aren't I? You need to stop being helpful, you've filled your quota today:D) you've given me a new project.
"Can you OD on Picolax?"

I don't know if it's possible to OD on this and shit yourself to death, perhaps a Megathread can be created and all avenues explored.

 

[brighter]

I wish I am not the reason for many people's smiles and happiness. I can not break hearts. This is beyond what I can take. Why should this happen am helpless

May you get the peace and love you're lacking x

 

[AndyCurious]

Wow you actually made me laugh. Maybe i should eat a lot because shitting takes longer and it keeps me away from people for more time :D:D

Great..:) Yeah, that works too :)

 

[AndyCurious]

If laughter could kill, I'd be dead right now.

I know what you mean..:)

 

[Donewith_]

What do you mean? Are you blaming yourself for things that have happened?

Yeah and for the things that'll happen when I die. Its hard for the people in my life who love me to move on.

 

[leaps]

I'm a waste of space

 

[brighter]

Yeah and for the things that'll happen when I die. Its hard for the people in my life who love me to move on.

So you keep thinking that once you die it will hit the people you have loved bad. that you give people intense love that is hard to forget, move on from.
Please don't. Think hard, think really hard.
When people like you don't walk into other people's lives and hit them with love, life is boring. You might hurt them when you leave, but there are only a few people that can come into this life and make such a lasting impact. From what you've told me, you're one of them. You are rare. The ones with beautiful insides get broken more easily.

 

[brighter]

I'm a waste of space

I get you, 2:30 in the morning, legs tucked into your chin, staring at a black wall, when you think of how much cleaner the world would be if you could just erase yourself from it.